Wee Timothy O' Toole

A tall tale

Wee Timothy O'Toole

I was just a wee laddie playing in the glens
When Tim O'Toole and I became friends

He was different from me but I did not care
There were so many secrets that we did share

He told the greatest stories I had heard it seems
We talked about Ghost and goblins and Dreams

The day my Mum said we are moving next week
I was so distraught that I couldn't even speak

Tim hugged me close in his cold embrace
He brushed away the tears upon my face

Then he smiled as he said I'm going too
I will go to America now just like you

I was so happy that I danced a sweet jig
My heart so full it was bigger then big

Here we are in this brand new noisy land
A woman and child need a helping hand

That's when I told my Mum Katie about Tim
She looked at me daft as I talked about him

She told me to stop all this nonsense and lying
Later that night I could hear her lay down crying

So I never said another word to Mum about Tim
Even when he taught me about life with a grin

I often saw him add to money jar to pay bills
Mum worked hard, cleaned floors or window sills

Now Mum is sickly and small on her death bed
Tell me the truth about Tim is what she said

So I told her the truth and he was by her side
With love in his heart and tears he can't hide

She told me then Who Tim had always been
Your Dad, My husband and your best friend

You see he died just before you were two
Seems he has always been there for you

Then I told her of the money he put in our jar
She said " I didn't know love could go so far "

Will you be okay if we leave you we must go
I will be fine you have taught me all I know

I watched as the years fell away from her face
As love for us both seemed to take ages place

He leaned over so softly whispered to me
To check the hole in our old fishing tree

He left me money and a bit of blarney stone
A note "make a new start since you are alone "

You know your own mind so do what is right
That little cottage in the glen I own outright

My family and I live in love and happy times
I know they watch us when the wind chimes

I wondered at first but I think I know why
Wind of their wings as they soar to the sky

1/29/2009
By Debra Edwards

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

A nice little tale - it even has the feel of an Irish myth about it. The couplet format is effective, though I'd like to see you try something in longer verses where you put a bit of meat on the bare bones of the story. A little bit of 'atmosphere' is probably what's missing, but this is down to the brevity of the verses. Good one, though.
David.

[OceanTropic]

I watched as the years fell away from her face

Brilliant line. I could see it, and I could imagine her as her last moment slipped away. I couldn't have said it better.

[Elana Juli Royson]

Very cute tale. I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing!

[Tas]

I really like this....thanks for entering

[Eagle Cruagh]

Pardon the nit picking. I would say nothing, but I think
you want to be reminded of things to improve.
I may be wrong, but I believe a Glen is a small valley, a sort
of small narrow canyon. To say on the glen would be wrong, it
should be in the glen.

I will go to any extreme to see you happy, even when it irritates you.

Getting back to the poem; it is beautiful . Other than the small, tiny
technicality I mentioned, your poem is flawless.

Thanks for the honor of letting me review you.

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Valentine]

Debby..I loved it..You are really catching on to the gift of our Australian friend..Wonderful write..God bless..Valentine

[Carole]

I absolutely love the title and the story line. Fun-whimsical-catchy.

The only thing I noticed is that the flow got a little bumpy the second half. For instance:

She told me then Who Tim really had always been,
Tim is your Daw, My husband and your best friend,

**I think it might flow better if you took out "really" and putting a hyphen bet. *husband and your best friend*

He leaned over and whispered to softly me, (I think you transposed softly and me...)

Third stanza-*ghost(s)*

7th stanza: Did you mean **jig?

I love your beginning...

I was just wee laddie playing on the glens,
When Tim O'Toole and I became friends,

You should enter this is an Irish Blessings Contest or start your own. This is one of your best. It was fun to read. Twas almost musical...A little tweaking and it will be perfect.

Smiles, Carole