Darkness Falls

This started out as a metaphor for a state of mind.. but some wanted me to make it into more... so well see..lol

         DARKNESS    FALLS

 

Darkness falls upon this lonely farm town.

Within this darkened town is one particular

farm house that is far more isolated then the

rest.

A certain gloom hangs over this place, a place

where the only sounds come at night. The sounds

of dreams and life fading into the backdrop, the

grim reality that is life…. or lack there of in this

place they call “Willow Creek”.

By day people go about their business, the business

as usual of tending to their fields and venturing into

town, the only place where they can escape the loneness.

The ever-present voices in their heads, reminding them

of their fears.

Willow Creek farm has that voice, it speaks to its inhabitants

in the late night hours when darkness falls, a kind of numbing

hush falls over this place, not the kind of hush that soothes

the kind that starts out as a low pitch hum and slowly rises

to a deafening roar.

All around and about the midnight hour, some call this the

witching hours but to the residence of this decrepit and

lonely place it seems more of a routine of sorts.

A routine that comes with the darkness and the knowledge

that they will never leave, never leave to fulfill their dreams

of one day not having to live this lowly existence to one

day smell the lilac and sage of greener pastures. The visions

that only comes with light… light that is never shown here

not even in the day. The only vision that comes to this place

is that of despair the kind of despair that can only be felt here

in this place when ………. “ Darkness Falls”.

 

 

BY~Debbie Kelly~

  

 

Author's Note

Any and all Advice is welcomed... Than you !!!!

Reviews

[Trée]

Debbie, I like what you are doing here very much and if this were a painting, I'd say you have the right canvass and you've picked out a wonderful palette and the hues of despair match with the kaleidoscope of rust and ravage and western desert loneliness. All in all I think this is a wonderful piece. As for advice, which I hate to give because it assumes I know what I'm talking about and you can take that with a grain of salt, I'd say if you could show a little more and tell a little less then this piece could explode with palpable pathos. You are within inches of grabbing your reader by the throat and shaking them about, your nails hammered into the back of their neck, your eyes wide and bloodshot within inches of theirs. Once your canvass is laid out, and your colors splashed to and fro, go back and look at your verbs--are they strong and direct as the hammer blow perfectly centered on the nail. Make those verbs work. Drive them into the center of my brain with prejudice. So no mercy as you wield your wicked words like a weathered pizzel whip. Let them sing and singe the air as sparklers in the night. Next, review your adjectives. Do you need them? Are they the right ones? For example, and not to say this is right or even good advice, but where you say "particular farm house" how would the mood change if you were to say "peculiar farm house." Likewise, "a certain gloom" might become "an omnipresent or murky humid gloom" or something else that implies a heaviness like an old worn wool cloak that smothers. Okay, enough of that. I could talk writing and choices all day. As I say, take any advice I give you with a heavy grain of salt. Most of all, have fun. I think you have a terrific piece here and with very little work, you could have a masterpiece. Enjoy. :-)

[Debbie_Philly]

I very much appreciate your advice... its the whole reason of sharing on here... thank you very much for reading !!! :)

[Debbie_Philly]

Thank you again for the advice here Tree... i do intend to rewrite this piece... its so so old and I myself can see the errors in this one as well ... Im very grateful for the review and advice !! Thanks again !! :0

[Debbie_Philly]

Thank you so so much Tree... mean allot !!!

[M.S. Wiley]

Sounds like a dismal place. You illustrated it very well. No 'advice' to give on this one. You did spendedly.

[Debbie_Philly]

Awwww Thank you so very much ... that means allot to me !! :)