You Know Im Only Two

This is a piece I was asked to do a long time ago about child abuse..... its not my best because I was rhyming all the time back then.... but I tried ;)

You Know I’m just Two

 

Mommy what’s the matter?

What did I do wrong?

Was I singing to loud?

While I was humming a song.

 

Daddy what did I do ?

Can I fix it for you?

I didn’t mean to break it.

You know I’m only two

 

Shut up you brat

You make me sick

mommy don’t say that

I’ll show you a trick.

 

Daddy please don’t hit me

I wont do it again.

The cup on the table

was to close to the edge

 

Mommy don’t lock me away

in my room where it’s dark.

Cant you and daddy see

that you’re breaking my heart

 

You know I’m just a baby

please lower your tone  

I only repeat what I see

what I learn in my home

 

Mommy please hold me tight

all I want is your love.

Instead all I get is a huff

and a shove.

 

Oh I really did it now

Daddy’s getting the belt

He hit me so hard

that I can’t cry for help

 

All I see now is dark

why did I have to die

I loved you so much

and I really did try.

all I needed was love

that’s all you had to do

Why wouldn’t you see that

You  knew I was just two

 

 

By : Debbie Kelly

 

 

 

Author's Note

This is a piece I was asked to do a long time ago about child abuse..... its not my best because I was rhyming all the time back then.... but I tried ;) Im posting allot from my old journal.... thanks for reading

Reviews

[seath]

i think this poem just needs a little polishing when it comes to diction while taking in consideration the rhyme that is desired for the piece, but I can say this is rich in the imagery which gives the readers empathy for the poetic persona. To achieve a reliable narrator effect i think you have to use flashback in the narration of the poetic persona.

I think you intend to use "too" in these lines instead of using "to".
"was to close to the edge"
"Was I singing to loud"

[Debbie_Philly]

Yes Seth... it is in need of editing.... I did this as a project for child abuse a few years ago when I had some work to do with my writing... i should have made the edits before I reposted... Thank you so much for your review and your help ;)

[Debbie_Philly]

Ooppsss...lol. I mean Seath. Sorry about that

[OBWhiteHawk]

Awwww this is so sad and so true. I feel bad for this child, who was only two and never given a chance to experience life and love. :(

[Debbie_Philly]

Yes sadly its all too true in life.. very upsetting to me.. I wish I could save them all... this was posted to a challenge to write about child abuse... thank you OB for reading !! :)

[Chris]

Don't apologize for beginnings. Sometimes it's important to see our growth or transistion from then to now. We tend to live our roots, not just share them.

[Debbie_Philly]

Thank you Chris.... Yes i think going back and looking how far we may have come is very helpful... :)

[poetic soul]

its a horrible thing to abuse kids..its so prominent around the around that it gets sickening...!
very nicely put, debbie.. i loved the piece, makes you frown at the abusers..for sure..

[Debbie_Philly]

I so agree Poetic Soul..... I cant bare to see a child being hurt... it hurts me... thank you for reading !! :)

[Frieda P]

This is like a stab through my heart. Difficult to read, since I can relate so well. I'm sorry you have a reason to write this, but you did the subject justice.

[Debbie_Philly]

Im so so sorry that you had to endure anything like this at all.... I cant wrap my head around why anyone would do this to a child... thank you for reading... Im so sorry it brought back bad memories !! :(

[Debbie_Philly]

HUGS !!!

[Moflo]

I think this is very good, the rhyming works well in this piece, it adds a simple adolescent tone. You go into detail very well and I think that, even for an old piece, this will stand strong for a while. Nice job.

[Debbie_Philly]

Thank you so much MoFlo.... It means allot that you read and thought so well of the piece... :)

[Moflo]

Hey, anytime! :)

[Debbie_Philly]

:) I will be over to read you as well !!

[Dr. S. D. Blankenship P..]

Hm... Well, the words are spelled good. The story is straight.
As sad of an ending this is, I really like your ability too send the reader into the depths of a toddlers mind. To show the word rape, and murder all in the same line.
There are some punctuation mistakes here and there. (Which I will send you a "half" edited version to your profile by mail)
Hm, It's a dark piece for the rape and the murder of an Innocent child, so you might want to warn future readers.

But, I enjoyed reading.
~S. D. Blankenship

[Debbie_Philly]

Thank you for the review and editing.... but theres no rape in there... I didnt write it to reveal rape... just abuse... and abuse can lead to murder :) Thanks for the email... I will check it out !!

[Dr. S. D. Blankenship PhD., DDiv., MA., Ambassadr]

Lol, Rape is not all about sex, it's also, neglect, torture, starvation, and sickness. :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

Who cares? Cliche or not, it's emotionally packed. Your point is clearly made.

[Debbie_Philly]

Thank you Kenneth very much !!

[Kenneth The Poet]

No problem, and thank you for the reviews as well.

[Dr. Wood ?]

I agree with you, it is not your best and it is the rhyming that spoils it, why don't you go back and edit it?

[Debbie_Philly]

I thought about it Wood.... its such an old piece that sometimes to keep it this way reminds me of how far one can come in the years of writing.... but im thinking about not re writing this one... but writing another one :) Thank you

[The Analog Kid]

I leave my early stuff the way it was originally because I want to see how I progressed also. I am not trying to be a published and have nothing to prove. I imagine that's where you're coming from...

[Dr. Wood ?]

That is a very valid point. I DO alter some of mine over the years but that is not to say I throw away the originals. I AM trying to get published, it is a bit like the mountaineer who climbed the mountain because it was there...

[The Analog Kid]

I definitely can see changing your writing if you are going for publication. My earlier stuff is too cliche to repair...haha:)