Journal

I never knew how to fit into a world where brains created chemicals and mine does not. Since I was small, I tried to fit in, mimic smiles, laughs, tears, and fits of rage as a mask to be the definition of "normal." What I had found is that it is not achievable to be normal. At least, not for me. I sometimes struggle to feel any emotion, for I shut down my sensors to black out any type of negative feeling that is not foreseen as an "acceptable" response. My feelings are large due to this shutdown in my brain. I wish to turn it on, to be able to be able to try and function as a "human being," but sadly, I cannot.Actually, that is a lie. There is only 2 people who can make me feel sane, normal, as if I'm not as crazy as I have been perceived to be all my life. My boyfriend and I are the only 2 that are able to make me realize that even though my brain isn't correct, I am, indeed, not as insane as once thought. My brain may not work correctly, but that does not mean that I am "psychotic", "crazy", or anything far and in-between from that. I have a mental disorder, that I am not afraid to say. I have never been ashamed, for it makes me who I am. The one thing I want people to know, however, is that the stereotype within mental illnesses is not true. We are human, we are normal, we are love, we are smiles, we are ok. Just love us as we are and you will see.