'Fighting scene'

i struggled on how to write a fighting scene so i thought id post it up here and see what people have to say any help into how to write them would be appriciated thank you :D

“Please just go home!” I used a bit more force this time hoping it would scare her into listening, unfortunately with no success,

“Well I would but you kind of dragged me in the wrong direction...”

“What?”

“Yeah I needed the left back at the crossroad thingy” Damn my luck today just as I was about to reply and great force collided into my side forcing me through the air straight into the fence I regain my senses quickly it had returned and it now had me by the throat in a dented fence, I noticed quickly that my punch and removed the balaclava or had at least been the cause of its removal the shades were cracked but still worn over the eyes. The creature’s skin which was visible was pale blue with green lines moving down from the top of the head to meet just under the mouth on both cheeks I now knew what I was dealing with a creature than was know as Lagoon.

 

The Lagoon had the nickname the Bone Crunchers this was because they literally feed off human bone its what they crave in doing so they have adapted over the years to look more human it helps them blend in and pick prey easily, the one main feature that could be attached to a Lagoon other than all of them having the same colour faces but with different coloured lines, was there arms a Lagoons arms had no skin over the top just simply hardened muscles giving then ultimate strength in there arms, now realising this is the reason for the huge coat in the middle of august! The rest of there body and legs are extremely strong and all pale blue, the teeth of a Lagoon were simply just think of thousands of tiny chisels and you have the mouth of a Lagoon no nose, ears or eyebrows just two eyes with two blood red pupils sitting in them. They are powerful, bone thirsty and sure as hell showed no mercy.

 

This is where my training kicks in, strike the small gap in-between the ribs, due to them becoming slightly more human have now adapted some human vital points, causing grip to loosen followed by, because it was holding me with its right hand, grip its wrist tight with my right hand swing my other arm over the Lagoon’s arm while turning my body and shoulder following my left arm this results in the Lagoon’s arm to be forced down into a shoulder lock then proceed to break Lagoons shoulder by dropping my body weight to the left fast and hard. The steps were planned with quick and precise moments I reached the outcome I desired my weight fell and didn’t falter until I heard the shoulder pop and crack out of the socket only then did I twist 360 clockwise into a leg sweep causing the Lagoon to go flat on its back then I rolled backwards to a standing position into a stance with a two fisted guard in front of me, only then did the Lagoon scream out in pain because of the quick consecutive moves it had no time even for wailing. As it squirmed in pain while holding its shoulder only then did I remember that she was still in the area I ran to her grabbed her by the shoulders and said firmly

“Run home now!”

“Holy Jesus look at that dent in the fence and what you just did was absolutely awesome I mean it was like one two three and he was toast your absolutely..”

“STOP! And listen to me we can talk about this tomorrow at school and ill explain” I don’t think she had really seen what exactly I was fighting which for me was good less lies, “but please for now go home!” this time some sense hit her,

“I guess you right, you saved my life today you know I don’t know how ill ever thank you enough”

“go home be safe” I replied in a soft voice, then out of no where she planted a kiss on my cheek, it was warm and sent a tingly feeling down my back so soft and gentle it was like being touched by an Angel, no pun intended, and then it was over that one moment that felt like it could last forever and with another quick thank you she darted off faster than I thought she could back down the alley and out of my line of sight for the second time today. The distraction cost me because next thing I felt was a thump to the back of my head and my legs collapsing under me then colliding with the floor.

 

A foot speeding downwards towards me even after the heavy club like blow my reflexes still responded quickly with a forward roll to dodge the attempted devastating shot.

“Hey! Lagoon I know you can speak human so don’t give me that growling crap what’s your name least you could do before I knock those bone munches down your throat!” in a deep impacting voice with a slight echo the beast answered.

“Who do you think you are puny warrior, you think you can take on me, Tank the Lagoon of bone dust…I’ll make you eat your words punk,”

“big talk from a big guy, I’m sure you have heard of the saying the bigger they are the harder they fall,” and with the final word in a war like yell I charged with the mortal gone there was no need to hold back it was time for the creature to feel my true power.

 

I charged head on as I got close he swung his right hook; quickly I ducked connected with a body blow and dashed left out of range of a follow from his giant hammer like arms. I knew my speed was my advantage and it was frustrating him, the expression on his face now resembled an upside down smile and his eyes were bloodshot if I was still mortal I would have soiled my pants and been halfway to Africa by now. It was time to use the strongest weapon us Angels have at our disposal, chants. It was time to end it. Once again I charged this time leaping a fare distance in front of him using a somersault I flipped over twisting so that as I landed I would be facing the creatures back, as I landed I saw the elbow a second before it connected with my right cheek sending me flying into the fence that surrounded the old swimming pool, again leaving a dent. I shook off the impact immediately standing up I felt the blood trickle down from the edge of my mouth, it was warm and surprisingly comforting I licked it to stop any further advances in the bloods flow, I had underestimated the Lagoon he was smarter than I had first judged. Strike two was his.

 

Now I knew I would have to be more speedy and more clever he was no pushover in the muscle or the brain department, I must work out a strategy that he wouldn’t think I could pull off and then my brain kicked in I had been wearing my cape this whole time that stored an Angel of Death’s best friend their sword it is the first thing we are trained to use and I was top of the class, now it was on this time I’m going to charge and jump somersault over him again leading him to believe I’m not smart enough to know its not going to work but as I twist in the air I shall release the sword I call Toorima, (Phantom killer in Japanese, I liked the ring it had to it), and as I fall I will bring the Toorima directly down into his left shoulder, I dislocated his right earlier and even though he had snapped it back in it was the more venerable of the two leaving him with an even more of a disadvantage. Time to execute charge, flip release…as I sailed down in the wind blade gripped in two hands I felt gravity pull me towards the ground below I brought the blade over my shoulder and swung to get more force, Toorima wasn’t big in fact it was only about 60 centre-metres long and that’s where I got the name for my blade, it was designed for speed and quick silent kills hence the name ‘Phantom Killer’. As the blade penetrated the muscle on the shoulder of ‘Tank’, as he calls himself, the muscle ripped and the blood immediately smothered my beautifully clean Toorima and also my blue top with a white angel with its wings spread out, my blade hits bone and stops Tank screams, well it was more like a roar of pain but it wasn’t enough then out of desperation more than anything Tank swung his injured right at me in a 360 move, my reflexes out matched his slowed movement so leaning back far enough to escape his reach I raised Toorima again and once more with great force struck the exact same spot this time I didn’t relent forcing all my weight into the blade and then crack! The bone snapped and like a knife through butter Toorima cut through the remaining muscle underneath I leapt backwards leaving Tank screaming, as it now had turned from a roar into a scream, and his arm which now laid motionless in the pool of blood that now lay beneath the one armed Lagoon who’s now fearful eyes met mine in what seemed like a life or death staring contest that he knew he had just lost.

 

No time to stop, I instantly raced back in this time I forced my blade directly through him causing his lower legs buckle and he dropped onto his knees in a pool of his own blood. Now I was standing in front of him, he was about my height on his knees and I raised my right arm open hand and placed it directly in front of Tanks, no, the Lagoons face it didn’t deserve a name, then he attempted to attack with the injured right arm. Using Toorima I stuck my blade straight through its hand and into its own body rendering him almost completely useless then looked directly into the once mighty creatures eyes seeing the fear in them as he realised he was done and said;

“Strike three, game over!” ‘Spherix  Holumo Moonramii’ (meaning ‘Holy Sphere’, moonramii is the activation word to release the chant) from the top of my shoulder the surge of holy energy shoots down my arm until it hits my palm the build up of energy eventually breaks past the skin and starts to build up into the air particles near the palm using the tips of my fingers and thumb I can create a block using holy energy in the opposite direction which creates in my hand a sphere made of literally holy energy and then I pull my arm back and strike the holy energy into the face of the Lagoon. In the final moments I could swear I could hear the lagoon cry “Have mercy!” there is no mercy for the wicked. With no head a demons remains turn into nothing simply the remaining parts atoms break apart until there is nothing although the head was completely gone anyway not much could take a direct, close-up shot of concentrated holy energy like that and live to fight another day. The blood remains but only a little longer by morning there would be no trace it is absorbed by God’s earth so that those that walk on it will never know of the killings us Angels perform. With one last look at the area to make sure I hadn’t missed anything important I turned only then realising that the back of my head was really throbbing,

“Damn that was a bloody good hit first time I’ve felt a pain in ages” then I started for home wandering done the dark dim lit streets no sounds except the natural noises of the wind and scuttling of the odd small critter as well as some humming of engines of the man made cars the night was so peaceful

Author's Note

comment on how to improve and whats bad with it please critcism is always welcome here as it helps me improve! thank you :D

Reviews

[Marie]

The fight scene was good, especially the part with the sword. But the lack of punctuation made it hard to follow.