Past

PAST


The silhouettes of your past being
overpowering your present state
signify the meaning of your stimulation
relocate your endearing disposition
temperamental deity
unjust scrutiny
remembering your obscure purpose
pushing aside your pulsating lust

Reviews

[J. Alfred Prufrock]

a small vessel, but full and overflowing with meaning

[MoriartyMesa]

Your work always paints something in my mind, sometimes it has music, sometimes it is silent. For one reason or another, I am thinking of the song, "all that she wants (is another baby)" Maybe a woman in a hotel room, someone asleep, no idea what his name is. Empty bottle of CVS vodka, crying thought of 'never again'

[Southern Cross]

Ahh the never ending state of a changing persona..what was once such beauty can become the grotesque and then the lust.. the lust....is that the last to go?

[Angelic Surrender]

Very deep and meaningful. I like it a lot.

[koty bell]

wow...............thats really all i can say great write

[Distant horizons]

The first line I am so jealous I never wrote and it just gets better from then on. Feels like someone is ready for change, if they can make the leap. Who you are isn't necessarily who you become. Beautifully said in such a short write.

[None]

Love the brevity of this. Here are a few things I feel when I read this. I will say, this poem is kind of at the state where it only needs basic nitpicking because its on the verge of being perfect. Good work.

-You have this awesome imagery thing that flows with lines 1 and 2. I get the picture of someone standing with growing shadows behind them that are waiting to overtake them. Like too many emotions held at bay for too long that are breaking free from their bounds.

- When I get to line 3 this imagery starts to die out a bit, and is cut off with the word simulation. Now, the action this has is very effective, but it doesn't fit. Line 3, to me, is too vague and disjointed from line 1 and 2. Maybe a different word? Consider writing in long hand what you mean and then rewriting the line to flow with 1 and 2. Almost like reverse explication.

- Lines 3-6 are too vague, almost as if you are holding us back from what you mean, a reluctant storyteller. Tell us! As a reader, I feel like I am trying to coax a wounded dog from its hiding place with these lines. It's sooo frustrating. I'm starved to find out what you mean. And, after lines 1 and 2, I almost feel betrayed to be locked from their meaning.

- I like how your title introduces the subject of the poem, but then you have it again in line 1. New title? Line 1 is too perfect to change. :)

- Because of all the vagueness in lines 3-6, I don't know how we got to lines 7 and 8, but I like them because they fit with the clarity of 1 and 2.

- All in all, I love you simple, basic use style here. Your words stack on top of each other and build. Your format is well applied here.

Good work! Post your changes if you change anything!

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