Time Has Come

Take it as you will....

Time Has Come

It is time to receive retribution for

the actions perceived by the innocent as

destructive.

Mayhem guarding arbitrary advances of

undeclared self worth.

The confusing desire to dance

in the flames

licked by desperation and

melting in decay.

So vulnerable,

with heavy sighs

yet

light

breath .

It is but a curious itch

becoming only from

the flesh I have tasted,

while truth hides behind those

shielded eyes.

Lips parting only enough to

whisper

secrets,

and cover lies

Reviews

[MoriartyMesa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hx4gdlfamo

[Kibbles and Quips]

Great write! I especially loved the last four lines. A very strong ending.

However, if I may offer some advice, or just an idea, use gerunds sparingly and wisely. They're a very passive sounding way of expressing something and (especially in a work like this) can hamper the piece's tones of confidence, passion, and power.

For example, the line,

"Mayhem guarding arbitrary advances of,"

sounds more like an ipso facto a stoic observation or statement rather than something definitive with a message behind it. However, if you say,

"Mayhem guards arbitrary advances of,"

there is suddenly more confidence in the narrator's voice and the subject matter seems a little more important, impassioned.

Well, that's just a small simple example. But I do highly recommend using gerunds only with a purpose or very sparingly. Other than that, I really enjoyed your passion that was clearly and effectively transferred into your writing. That is a strong trait and talent.

But thank you for sharing! Keep it up!

[andrew mitchell]

What an inspiring strong write, well structured, strong meanings , loved the flow. What a talent you are. Nice work!!:):)

[Sami Khalil]

A very powerful write with openness and promotion. So much symbolism to wake and awake. Love it....::::))))

[Deandra Dawn]

Awww thank you so much! I appreciate it! :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Realistic composition..
Loved the flow here.☺

[Deandra Dawn]

Thank you!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are welcome ☺

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. Any time...:::))))

[JoffytheRay]

'desire to dance in the flames licked by desperation and melting in decay' very deep and clearly depicts the political and societal rot.........very nice piece

[Deandra Dawn]

Thank you so much!

[wordman]

wow,tell it like it is ! i enjoyed this one

[Deandra Dawn]

What can I say....brutally honest all the way

[wordman]

all ways the best policy

[AaronFreitas]

I love your opening line Deandra... actually I love the entire write but that stuck out most to me :) Good work

[Deandra Dawn]

Thank you so much, I appreciate it. :)