River City Shanty

Richmond, VA/RVA

Of braggarts as orcs, armed with sporks
stalking the center stage
Girlfriends retire, to lairs of hip ire

done up like Betty Page
Not a new trick learned, far-ranging boundaries spurned
through the small pond with big fish they wade
With a nod and a wink (shut up and pass the ink!)
so long as attention is paid

But Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Hey, f**k you sport, we were HUGE at Shafer Court!
      Randy Blythe is free!

Seersuckered dopes, handed the ropes
to whom was tilted the scale
Aftershave eyes, shrug up driving range flies
balls too big to fit in a pail
The days graft is done, drink up on Robinson
wear yer spanking madras shorts
Erect panting and lean, horny laser-eyed dream
of passing the bar to the torts

But Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Listen up girl, get naked save the pearls!
      Randy Blyhte is free!

Art as your w***e, her loving need for innovation ignored
carry her in a basket on yer one-speed bike
Pad your pedigree, be a gallery intelligentsia queen bee
kneel down to the waif whose work yer to like
Suck down a PBR, hail totem to the anointed graphics star
but realize she is also a pawn
To academia high, tenure cobalt-plated unassailable nigh
trash-talking true mavericks on an OBX lawn

But Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Look here you sod, Seipel is GOD!
      Randy Blythe is free!

How dare you take the toss, why our cause is not lost
we'll let our cracker-back flag flap
Where Monument falls, on blowy showy ex-guvnor's walls
(HE'LL kick in that pansy liberal crap)
Come one come all, rally to our belated bloody fall
even those who were owned from birth by the few
What's that you speak, they think us deluded freaks?
well, they must certainly be confused, too

But Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      With wools of gray, in '61 we'll firmly stay
      Randy Blythe is free!

As the twenty-first century inches and lurches along
sure as soot to be followed by the twenty-second
Content of character, kindness and any redeeming value
cannot be bought, analyzed or reckoned
Phalanxes of dopes, lamenting by vigil closed grocery stores
fudging power lists and seeking an identity to sell
But if there ain't nothing there
(and the rest of the world simply does not care)
you'll only be dipping into an empty well

But Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Randy Blythe is free!
      Let's snap this age-old funk! (But first, let's get drunk.)
      Randy Blythe is free!

- Dean Joel Miller