The Missing Wall

A journey through death and spirituality.

The Missing Wall

A Story By Robin Hazen

 

 

I.

   Gusts of hot wind blew down the dirty southern back road, rustling a few fallen leaves and a lot of dust. The air was thick with humidity and the sun bore down with a vengeance driving most everyone to seek refuge in the cool air conditioning of their homes. A strange stillness hung over the streets and the houses, it wasn’t a stillness as though the world had stopped turning, it was a stillness as if all mankind had ceased to exist. It felt like nature had reclaimed it’s stolen place in the world. The wind blew, the birds sang, and the trees rustled free from the tainting sounds of mankind. There could not have been a more perfect afternoon, even the heat and the dirt had a charm to it. Everything was as close to it’s natural state as it could be. Walking out on the dirty streets were two young kids, if a car had passed by the occupants may not have noticed them.They both fit in with their surroundings so perfectly it was as though they were one with it.

Conversation on these walks had diminished over time, they had come to a point in knowing each other so well that they no longer had to speak to know what the other was feeling. Every so often one of them might speak to point out something interesting they found or tell a joke that had come to their heads but just as often they didn’t speak.The silence was almost as enjoyable to them as the sounds of each other’s voices. Walking was the only way they could escape the sense of entrapment they felt when they were at Lydia’s house. Lydia had very over protective parents, they would always find some way to pull them from her room. They didn’t allow her to date because of her age and they tried their best to enforce their rules on her.Yet disobeying her parents had come natural to her, ever since she was little she’d always find ways to undermine rules that she thought were stupid. It wasn’t as though she didn’t love her parents, she just felt that some of the rules they set in place were more out of paranoia than for keeping her safe.

All her life she had always felt like a stranger, as though she didn’t belong in the world but when she met Wally she felt like she had finally found a place where she belonged. Disobeying her parents was nothing to Lydia whenever Wally was involved, even if they caught her the punishment would be worth it. The way she felt about Wally was the greatest thing she’d ever felt in her life, nothing could stop her from wanting to be with him. So they’d go on long walks while he was over, they’d walk up and down the empty streets just to be able to escape the facade they had to have when he was over. Being with him and being in love with him was everything to her.

Like Lydia, Wally never felt like he belonged in the world. All his life people had treated him as some sort of monster, an unwantable creature not worth pity or attention. He felt like he was nothing to anyone before meeting Lydia. Overshadowed constantly by his older brother and sister he went ignored by his parents for most of his life. He had always gotten the feeling that he was a huge disappointment to his family. No matter where he went he seemed to cause trouble or embarrassment for them. When he was in elementary school his teachers used to report him to the guidance counselor saying that they were concerned he might be mentally challenged. They would end up calling his house and forcing his mom to stay on the phone for an hour making bullshit plans to help him deal with his “challenges”. All this did for him was make his parents yell at him for hours after he got home. It also made his sister’s friends make fun of her because of him. So he grew up hating his family because he felt like he was the reason they were so fucked up.  

Wally hated going to Lydia’s house, her mother was a basket case who constantly made Lydia’s life a living hell. It always seemed that it was her mission to make Lydia miserable, she did nothing in the way of being a parent but she demanded the respect a parent should receive. Every dream or hope that Lydia had seemed like a joke in her mother’s eyes. Everything about that woman made Wally’s blood boil, he held Lydia’s heart in his hands everyday. He cherished Lydia’s hopes and dreams, in his eyes she was the most brilliant person there was. She deserved better than the s**t she had to take. There didn’t seem to be a depth that Lydia’s mother wouldn’t sink to when it came to Lydia. Once Lydia even told Wally that her mom had beat her quite a lot growing up. She still had a few scars as proof.

Night after night, they would stay up late talking to each other about everything they would do when they grow up, all the places they’d visit, and all the amazing people they’d meet. Most of the time, they’d say everything in their phone conversations so when it came to them spending time with each other at his house, they’d often just have sex and screw around. Wally had never been happier in his life. He wished that it would never end..

II.

A clash of thunder rang against the sky, lightning flashed brightly, illuminating the edge of the blankets near the window for a brief moment before being plunged back into darkness. Again the lightning flashed and for a split second the room was filled with light. The room itself was dirty as hell, plates were scattered across the floor. Empty cups littered the desk and empty bottles of beer covered almost every flat surface in the room. A thin layer of dust covered most everything except for the bed, which was in the same state of disarray save for one detail; the stirring lump under the covers. Wally stirred a little in a state of semi-consciousness, the thunder had woken him from his painfully peaceful sleep.

He lay in the bed, wiping the tired itching feeling from his eyes and sighed heavily. Waves of familiar self hatred washed over him. Thinking back on the dream he had just had sent him into a routine of bittersweet spiraling that he’d become very familiar with. Years had passed since he and Lydia had broken up, years of chasing other girls, being with them, loving them, and finally having them leave him had not taken her taste from his mouth. Thoughts and longings for her were always with him, he could never forget her like she had forgotten him. He put his head into his hands and tried to quell the sadness and the happiness he felt because of his dream. The pleasantness of being with her, even though it was only in his dreams always mixed with the sadness of realizing that it wasn’t real. Often times he found himself questioning whether or not anything in his life was real at all. Most of the time he felt like had fallen into a nightmare, his waking life had become a living hell.

Every time he dreamed about her it tortured him because of how happy it made him. A few moments passed before he made any movement at all, reaching for his phone he checked the time. Checking the time was a kind of excuse for him to look for a text notification. Earlier that night he had texted Lydia about something stupid, he was just trying to talk to her. She never texted him back, she would talk to him online but seldomly over text. Deep down he knew that she knew he still felt for her, so she didn’t text him in an attempt to not let him grow more attached than he already was.

As peculiar as it may seem, his whole existence had become one continuous cycle. It was a vicious mary go round day after day living out an existence that felt unfairly real while also feeling completely imaginary. Morning after morning he’d wake exhausted as though he’d never slept at all. This morning was no different, he shifted into an upright position and rubbed his sides. Waking up with pains he hadn’t gone to sleep with had become so regular that he barely paid any attention to it anymore. For a while he just stared out his window into the storm, thinking on all the things in his world. His pain, his anger, everything he had to carry with him every day passed through his mind as he looked out the window. Lights from the street below distracted him for a moment as they often did. Even though it was late, there were still a number of cars passing through the wet streets. He and his dad lived in an apartment above a small clothing store, across the street there was an all night cafe that usually had a lot of business. He hated it, he hated seeing people coming out to that stupid cafe after they had just had a date or something. It made him sick.

As a child he used to think about living in the city, childishly he used to think that there would be non-stop excitement and that he’d always be surrounded by important people who would be doing important things. The truth of the matter was of course the opposite. Living in the city made him feel more alone than anything. There’s something really heartbreaking about knowing that there’s people around you who are happy and you’re just not able to find any light in anything. The isolation he felt had become a disturbing obsession. Most of the time he hated it but other times it was the only thing that seemed to bring him comfort. There were times where he thought about trying harder to move on, to push himself to do something more than free fall down into an abyss. But doing that would make things better for him and in the end that’s not really what he wanted. Often it felt like the only thing that made him interesting was his pessimistic world view. The perspective he had somehow made him feel like his was more realistic, and that was what he wanted. To be taken seriously.

A long while passed before he did anything other than rub his aching body, he was trying to think about what to do. It was only half past twelve in the morning and he couldn’t remember when he had fallen asleep. Desperately he Pressed the palms of his hands into his face he tried to think back on what he could remember. Fragments of the afternoon flashed into his head, it wasn’t much but it was enough to piece together what had happened. His dad had probably told him that he was broke again. He had told him all of the usual excuses and promised it’d get better. It never does and Wally was sure they both knew it.Being broke caused a lot of tension between them, Wally was hardly patient since losing Lydia and his dad’s constant excuses always pissed him off. The only reason he never confronted his dad about it was for the simple fact that he gave him the benefit of the doubt. Wally wasn’t an ungrateful person, he just wanted things to get better and his dad never seemed to get better.

While he was growing up he always looked to his dad like he was the one who would always be in the right. His mother wasn’t the kindest person, she was often times just as bad or worse than Lydia’s mother. That being said, she was always responsible for him. There were never moments when he feared that he wouldn’t be able to have the things he needed. She had always made him feel that he would have the foundation he needed, even if failing meant hell. His dad on the other hand was the opposite. He was nice but oftentimes irresponsible. A lot of his sleepless nights were spent regretting how much he hated his mother when he was living with her. She wasn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination but she was a good parent.

With the details of the early afternoon starting to come back to him, he felt another all too familiar burning in his stomach. Jumping off the bed as fast as he could, he ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet. His thin sickly body rocked violently as the toxic contents of his stomach poured from his mouth. After three long throat fulls of vomit were emptied into the toilet he sat there on his knees leaning over the toilet shaking in frustration. Without warning he started beating his skull against the rim of the toilet bowl. How could this really be all that there was to his life? A deep sense of disenchantment ate at him from the inside out. There’s supposed to be more to life than feeling miserable. Where was the rewarding road to success? Or where was the hallmark moments where everything and everyone looks like a million bucks. That’s what he had been promised since he was old enough to walk. It was promised through the T.V., the teachers, every god damned commercial that tried to sell him a diamond ring. None of them showed him throwing up night after night. They didn’t show him being twenty one and pissing his bed because he drank too much, no that wasn’t hallmark. It was probably too hard to sell anyone a diamond ring when they knew that’s how life is.

He didn’t want anything to do with life, not anymore. Escape was the only thing that was on his mind. Sadly escape didn’t seem like much of an option. He was stuck in a rat race, trying to make the bare minimum. There wasn’t a way out of it, he didn’t have the talent or anything to become some rich celebrity. He was destined to live in the real world but the thought of waking up to a miserable life day after day was too much for him. Even just the thought made him clam up. Living a miserable life, working like an animal day in and day out, and ending up with nothing to show for it. All of that suffering would be forgotten shortly after his death.

It didn’t have to be this way though, he knew that better than anyone. A thought often crossed his mind when thought about what he was doing with his life. Suicide. Often times people say that suicide is “a permanent solution to a temporary problem”. Maybe they’re right most of the time but not always. Some people can see that truth of their situations and the truth isn’t something that makes a person want to continue living. He felt that the reality of his situation wasn’t something he wanted to be a part of. If all of his suffering would in the end amount to nothing then he wanted no part of it.

There was a time where he would try to open up to his family about what was going on with him but usually they ignored him. His sister hated when he would call her so he stopped calling her all together. He figured that a hatred for him was instilled by the years of torment she went through because of him. He just found it kind of sad that when a young person tells someone who's older about their problems, especially if it’s family, they’re told in one way or another to just deal with it. Family members are somehow naturally conditioned to think that you’re just being over dramatic or that you’ll grow out of it. He figured that’s why so many kids don’t tell their parents what’s going on in their lives it’s because the more “life experience” a person gets, the less they give a s**t about people younger than them. It seemed so sad that older family members are so selfish that they’d rather tell the younger ones to get over it than to show them how.

For a long while, he stayed in the bathroom thinking. Usually the thought of suicide came and went uneventfully. There were things that he felt meant enough to stay around for. Even though he was frustrated with him, Wally didn’t hate his dad. He really did love him, it was just that his situation drove him mad. His dad didn’t have any control over that and Wally knew that but he still felt like he was meant for more. There should be more to life than constant suffering.  

More than his dad, Lydia was another reason he hadn’t committed suicide. Even though the constant struggling with the state of their lives, she provided him with a lot of comfort. Ever so often he would be able to make her smile or laugh and it’d give him a flutter of hope. She would almost make him feel like there’s a chance for a better place, a place where all of the feelings he had now wouldn’t be able to follow him. Yearning for that sense of hope, he grabbed his phone and called her.The line ringed and ringed but there was no answer, it went to voicemail. Shocked, he figured something must of messed up and tried again. Again it rang a few times and then went to voicemail. His frustration flared up again, she never ignored his calls. Irrational thoughts swam through his head at a thousand miles an hour. He started to figure that she must have some guy over and she didn’t care enough to take a minute to answer him. All she needed to do was say that she was busy and would call him back later or something. It didn’t need to be more complicated than that, he let himself be consumed by all of these thoughts. Desperate for a response from her, he called a third time. The line rang a few times and then it clicked and Lydia’s voice came through.

“Hey Wally!” She spoke in a kind of giggly voice which made him assume that there must be another person there who was making her laugh.

“Hey, uh look can we talk? Somewhere where there isn’t someone distracting you.” His voice shook slightly.

“Wally, there’s no one else here.” Her voice sounded kind of confused. “I was watching a movie, it was actually pretty funny”.

“I’m sure it was…” He was about to continue but she cut him off.

“Why would you think there was someone else here? Are you ok?”

He sighed heavily, he didn’t really know what to say. “N-no, I’m not ok. I’m just calling to say goodbye. I’m done with this, I can’t going on like this. I just want things to be alright but I’m starting to realize that it’s not going to be ok. I just don’t want to do this s**t anymore.”

“Really Wally? Not right now, please. I’m having a good night for once. Just this once can we please not ruin this.” There was a trace of annoyance in her voice. He knew that she didn’t want to deal with him and it seemed like a good idea not to drag it out any longer than it needed to be.

“I’m just gonna get this over with. Ok? I love you, goodbye” He was about to hang up but he heard her say “I will call 911, don’t you f*****g make me!” She sounded serious but he almost didn’t believe her. This was not the first time she threatened to do that to him and he figured she was bluffing. He hit the end button and the screen went black.

Time was short if he was really going to do this. He ran around he looking for a piece of paper and a pen so he could write out a note. When he found the pen and paper he wrote out a small note, all it said was that it wasn’t anybody’s fault, he just wanted to be free. Then he grabbed an Exacto blade and went to work on slicing open his wrists. The light from his phone flashed on a few times, Lydia kept calling the whole time he was working on his wrists. He was kind of surprised that cutting open his wrists didn’t hurt as bad as he expected it would. He used to cut himself but he only made minor cuts. The first cut hurt like a b***h but after the second deep slice, he could barely feel the blade cutting open his skin anymore. It started to feel like he had sunken into a warm bath after a while. It was really tranquil and surreal. After he finished opening up his arms, he sat there and stared at his handy work. Blood was pouring out of his wrists in torrents, he couldn’t believe he was bleeding so much so quickly. Without thinking, he reached for his phone but missed, his arms felt comfortable yet heavy. Trying again he finally got it but had trouble dialing Lydia’s number. His fingers didn’t seem to want to work for him. Finally he hit her speed dial and called her.

After the first ring he heard the familiar click and her frantic voice came through on the other end. “You f*****g a*****e! Don’t you ever do that again! Do you f*****g hear me? Never ever! I almost called 911!” She was livid with anger.

“You didn’t call? Good, then things are gonna go smoothly” He laughed half heartedly. “You know, I thought it would hurt but it didn’t really, it actually feels kind of nice”.

“Wally what are you talking about?...you didn’t do it right? Please tell me you didn’t!” He could tell that she was scared to death for him.

“Yeah I kinda did, like I said I can’t do it anymore and I’m finally going to be happy” His grasp on the situation was starting to fade a little. He felt really good, it was as though he finally found clarity. There was nothing to be upset or afraid of anymore, the worst was behind him.

“Oh God no! I’ll be right back!” She didn’t hang up the phone but he heard her bedroom door swing open. A few minutes passed, Wally laid there fading in and out.  

Finally after about ten minutes he heard noise on the other end and then Lydia’s voice. “Wally? Please tell me you’re still there.” She spoke frantically, her voice was shaking noticeably bad.  

“Yeah I’m still here, I’m really tired but I’m here” His speech was slurred and dazey.

“Ok baby, help’s on the way ok? I need you to stay on the phone with me, please!” She was begging him.

“You haven’t called me baby in a long time. What’s the occasion? It’s not like someone’s dying. Oh wait I am aren’t I?” He laughed weakly at his joke.

“Stop that!... you’re still my baby, I know I’ve been a bit distant but I didn’t mean to be, I’ve just been trying to figure s**t out?...God damn it Wally, why the f**k would you do this to me? I f*****g love you! Why did you have to go and do this?” Tears were pooling in her eyes, she felt helpless and terrified.

“Hey it’s all good. I love you too, I’m just gonna go away for a while, I really need a break from all this stuff ok? Don’t worry you’ll be fine, you’ll find way better people than I ever was. I’m not worried, I’m just gonna relax and be happy..” A smile swept across his face, he felt amazing. Tired but amazing, he figured it’d be ok to close his eyes for just a little bit. They were heavy as hell. His voice started to trail off.

“Hey! Come on, speak to me d****t!” she spoke frantically, half pleading half commanding.

“S-sorry, I’m really tired. You know, I thought dying was supposed to be different...Like I thought you’re supposed to feel weak and s**t, then you’re vision’s supposed to get dark and then finally you just nod off. What a rip off man! I just feel like sleeping, that’s all. So much for a dramatic death!”

Choking back a heavy sob she tried to think of what to say, she had to keep him talking. “You’re not gonna die baby, help’s on the way!”

“Don’t try to fight it babe” his voice was dry and quiet, she could almost barely hear him now. “I really did a number on my arms, I don’t think there’s anything that can be done now.” He chuckled weakly, he figured he should try to relieve some of the tension. “Hey…tell me a story, tell me something naughty! I’d like to go out thinking about you...all...wet….”

“ Really! How charming.” She chuckled for a moment but quickly stopped when she didn’t hear him laugh, the line was dead silent. “Wally? Wally! Oh God no please no. Wally?” She was practically screaming into the phone but there was no answer. No more sound came from his end of the phone.

 

III.

    “Come on, take it off. I promise I won’t laugh, you’re sexy just as you are.” Lydia’s voice echoed faintly in the darkness of his mind. With a sharp inhale his eyes shot open and his body shook spastically as he went into a coughing fit. Every breath he took burned the inside of his lungs, the air felt like acid. The air was thick with dust that had settled a very long time  ago. After coughing and heaving for a few minutes he looked around in confusion. He had never in his life been in the room he was in now. He went into his routine of trying to piece together what he could remember from the night before. If he were lucky he’d be able to understand why he was here. As usual his memory was shot, he didn’t have a clue where he was or how he got there. It was unusual for him to wake up anywhere other than his bed. Panicked he tried harder to remember anything. It was all one big blur, he vaguely remembered talking to Lydia. Which meant he was having a really bad night, he figured he knew where he was. He must be in some psych ward. They must have committed him.

In a fit of dread he pulled the old gray blanket off of himself. Swinging his legs over the side of the cot, he tried to get up. Getting up turned out to be a little bit trickier than he had thought, his arms had the strangest pain he’d ever felt .They ached and burned at the same time, it felt like someone had tied weights to them. After a few more tries he finally pulled himself out of bed but the second his feet touched the cold wooden floor boards he felt deathly ill and fell to his knees. His head felt like it was going to split wide open and his vision went black. All around him were sounds that didn’t belong there. A truck’s engine was going, he felt like his body was moving, men were talking, someone was crying, and through the blackness he could see a rhythmic pulsing of red light. Every second or so he’d hear a  fragment or two of a conversation.

One of the voices spoke loudly and clearly, “He’s faint but he’s got a pulse. Cover his other arm, we gotta stop the bleeding! Get him to the bus now!” Another voice, off in the distance was crying and kept repeating “please god no, please god don’t take him”. Out of confusion, Wally forced his eyes opened, he saw a paramedic carrying him on a stretcher.

“Tim! He’s awake!” the paramedic yelled out and then another paramedic came over. This guy looked and spoke directly to him, “Hey kid, come on and stay with us! We got ya!”. Wally tried to speak but he couldn’t, it took every ounce of strength in his body to just keep his eyes open. Without thinking he let his head tilt to the side and he went out like a lightbulb.

Again he was back on the floor, only now he was starting to figure out what had happened. Slowly he looked down at his arms, he was terrified to turn them over and see what lay beneath but it was the only way to know for sure. Holding his breath, he turned his arms over and saw thin bruised lines going up to the joint of his arm. A sense of dread filled him his chest. His body was still weak and he didn’t feel ready to stand up yet. A part of him thought that this had to be some kind of dream, how could any of this be real? Was he dead? Somehow he didn’t think so, something in his gut told him that he wasn’t quite dead yet but he wasn’t alive either. Perhaps this is what happens when you’re about to die, he thought about it for a second and decided that was the best answer he could come up with. There were no words that could possibly describe how he was feeling, he was dying.

The more he thought about in, the less upset he was. It was scary for a few minutes but he figured that it wasn’t so bad. He knew things with Lydia were never going to get better. Now he didn’t have to deal with it. He didn’t have to deal with anything from now on. All of that was behind him, he could finally find peace. After a little while he started to become more curious than anything. Here he was in this place, wherever this place was, and all the possibilities in the world were at his fingertips. He had to start figuring s**t out, starting with the room he was in.  

The room wasn’t big at all, the only things in it was the cot that he’d awoken on and a dirty window. He found strength enough to pull himself off the floor and look through the window. There wasn’t a whole lot he could see, mostly a lot of fog and some other buildings. His chest fell a little bit as he looked at the windows on the buildings. Most of them, if not all of them; were boarded up. A very real fear invaded his mind. What if he was the only person here? Could he really be all alone? Doing his best to push that fear deep down into his stomach, he went along with trying to take in as much as he could.The fog made it impossible to see out further than a hundred yards or so. It looked like he was in some sort of city but that’s about all he could tell from what he could see.

He was beginning to feel a sense of free falling, he didn’t have any control over anything. There was no telling where he was and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Worse still was that it was freezing, he could barely feel his fingers which were pale and blue. Desperate to regain some feeling in his fingers he placed his cold hands under his shirt and pressed them to his chest, there was a faint trace of heat but not much. He took this as a sign that he was right in assuming that he was dying.

For a while he stood there with his hands on his chest trying to sort out his feelings. He was caught in this unbelievable situation, he had found the feeling of progression he had been longing for. Why then did he feel so sad? There only so much he needed to find out but he wasn’t going to find anything by standing there looking out the dirty old window. With apprehension he made his way to the door and placed his hand on the knob. Sighing, he pulled the door open and left the room.

 

 

IV

The door lead to a narrow dark hallway. The carpet was faded and the walls had victorian style maroon striped wall paper that was coming undone in the corners. On the walls were electric gas lamps that cast long shadows across the walls and the floor. A sense of caution gripped him as he walked slowly down the hallway. It seemed kind of stupid considering his situation but still he walked with caution. He tried his best to make as little noise as possible. People seem to do things like this all the time, if it’s quiet people tend to try to stay quiet as well. At the end of the hallway he came to a stairwell. It was one of those sets of stairs which go down half way in one direction and then it continues  in another direction. He never knew the proper name for those types of stairs. The idea of going down the stairs scared him a little bit but it was his only option. There wasn’t anywhere else he could go on this floor. He’d just have to wing it and hope that nothing bad was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

With his breath held, he made his way down the stairs one step at a time. The stairs let out into a large and unsurprisingly empty room. It was some sort of victorian era parlor. There were winged arm chairs, elegant end tables, and a very large wooden cabinet the was full of an assortment of dusty old bottles. Behind a plum colored loveseat was a large elaborate stained glass window. It depicted a scene of an angel impaled on spear. Tears of blood streaked down her face which had the most horribly broken expression. From her hands fell a fiery sword and the backdrop was of the sun being blocked out by purple shadows. Wally couldn’t piece together who would ever want such a horrible scene done out so beautifully. For a while he stood there staring deep into the window. He was so captivated by the grotesque beauty of the window that he didn’t hear the sound of the door to the left of him open.

“Surprised?” A voice to the side of him spoke softly. Wally nearly jumped ten feet in to the air. Standing there in a knit sweater and a skirt was a girl who looked much younger than him. She had bright green eyes and long curly brown hair. Around her neck was the same kind of bruising that was on his arms except hers were thicker. After putting two and two together, he figured that she must have hung herself.

“Who the f**k are you?”

She looked accosted by his tone of voice. Grumpily she shot back at him “Watch your mouth! I don’t know who the hell you think you are but you don’t speak to a lady like that!”

“I’ll speak to you how I want to! All I want is some f*****g answers. Now who the f**k are you?”

“Look just calm down alright? I’ll tell you what I can but to tell you the truth I really don’t like being yelled at”.

Breathing heavily he spoke as calmly as he could.“I’m sorry. I didn’t really expect to see anyone else here. I don’t even know where here is, so lets start with that. Where are we?”

She bit her lip gently, it looked like she was trying to weigh out each of her words carefully.“Well, you’re dead, actually you killed yourself so this is what happens after you die I guess.”

“Well no s**t this is what happens after you die.”

Without warning, she started giggling at him. Wally couldn’t see what she found so funny, he was being completely serious. “What?”

“You’re silly and a little feisty. I like that.” She had an extremely cute smile.

He couldn’t help but laugh with her, she had a reall charm to her and he found it impossible to resist. Abruptly as they were laughing a pain shot through his head like a firecracker. It was the same pain he felt when he was on the floor upstairs only this time it was worse. The pain was intense, it ripped through his head and his body causing him to fall to the floor convulsing rapidly. He screamed out in agony, gripping his head with both hands. Again his vision went black and deafening sounds surrounded him.

His eyes shot open and he found himself staring up at the the face of a paramedic. This paramedic was new, she was young and her short hair was slicked back behind her ear. Frantically she tried to wrap gauze around his wrists but she kept fumbling with her fingers. It was obvious that this was the first time she was dealing with situation like this. Without knowing what he was doing he found enough breath in his lungs to choke out a few words. “You got this” his voice was barely above a whisper and his eyes were heavy but he forced himself to look deep into her nervous eyes. Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him frozen in disbelief. “What?” She asked in a raspy voice. He smiled at her and then let his eyes shut and then he was falling through the darkness.

Slowly his senses came back to him and the pain subsided. He was laying on the floor feeling very nauseous. His head hurt like hell and his ears were ringing but he was fine for the most part. Looking up he saw the girl standing over him, her face was full of bewilderment. He didn’t like her staring at him like that.

“What happened? what did you see”? She asked him, her voice was just barely above a whisper.

“Um I don’t know really. I was in an ambulance and some paramedic was putting bandages on me, she was nervous and I told her everything would be fine”. He barely had time to speak before she let out a girly squeal. If he had to guess, she must have been twelve or thirteen.

“You’re still alive!” She whispered but her voice was full of excitement.

“What?”

“It means you can still go back you f*****g retard!...ehh Sorry!” She tried to look apologetic but she was too excited to really be sorry. “You’re not completely dead, there’s a chance you won’t have to be here forever” She was beaming with happiness. He on the other hand didn’t quite understand what she was so happy about.

“What does that matter? I didn’t come here on accident you know. I don’t ever want to go back”. A pocket of anger started to swell inside him, it caught him off guard a little. The very thought of going back to that life and living that cycle day after day set his blood on fire. Why would anyone want to go back to that?

“You don’t understand, this place isn’t any better than the place you just left. I don’t know why you did what you did but believe me whatever you’re trying to escape from, it’s better than this”. Her eyes pleaded with him as she spoke. The corners of her mouth twitched a little as she was speaking. “At least back there, you’ve got a shot. I know the feelings you were feeling-”

“You don’t know s**t!” He snapped at her causing a flinch but she quickly recovered and continued on.

“I thought the same thing, I thought that anywhere was better than where I was but I was wrong. There’s always somewhere worse than where you were and there’s always somewhere better. But This place isn’t better, this place isn’t anything. Nothing happens, nothing changes, nothing nothing nothing!”. A tear streaked down her face, it looked as though it was the first tear she’d shed in a very long time.

“I’d rather feel nothing than what I was feeling! Do you know what it’s like to be alone. Have you ever wanted to scream out and push everything that’s killing you out into open so that everyone can see what a mess you’ve become? I felt like that every day! I watched as everything that I loved withered and died in front of me. Do you know what that’s like you stuck up pretentious b***h?” His entire body shook in anger as he poured everything that he’d been feeling out in front of her. “Don’t preach to me about my life, you don’t know a god damn thing about me!”

She bowed her head and sniffled a little before quietly whispering. “Yes...I know how that feels”.

“Oh really? Please enlighten me. How bad did you have it? You’re only a kid, I doubt you had anything to really be upset about. Maybe daddy didn’t buy you a stupid pony and you tried getting back at him by pretending to hang yourself except you were too stupid to do it right and you fucked it all up. Am I hitting the nail on the head”?

“You’re close, daddy was the reason I hung myself. It wasn’t about a pony, though he did like to give me rides.”

The pocket of anger that had swollen inside of him slowly started to deflate. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what she meant. And he felt like a jackass, he had screamed at this girl and belittled her without really knowing what had happened. A thought popped into his head, he had always hated how his family had treated his problems as though they were nothing because he was the youngest. Yet here he was doing the same thing to this girl. Shame washed over him and he bowed his head.

“I’m sorry” He whispered.

“I know you won’t care but I’m not going to let this go, I can’t just give up on you when you have a chance to leave this place. If you won’t listen to me, then I’m just going to have to show you”.

Quietly he stared at her, he tried to get a read on her. There wasn’t much to read, her face was pale and besides the tears the only thing written on it was determination. With no other choice besides throwing another tantrum, he figured it was best if he just let her show him what she wanted to show him. At least it’d give him a feel for the place. Sighing deeply he spoke very calmly. “Ok look, if I let you show me whatever it is you want to show me, will you hop off my dick?”

“If you don’t change your mind, I’ll suck your dick. How bout that? That way I know you’re not gonna go running off. Deal”?

“Umm I don’t know about that, I mean that’s a little umm straight forward don’t ya think?”

“Maybe..” She looked to the side for a moment and thought before continuing on with her sentence. “...but I’m gonna need some proof that you’re not gonna make a break for it the first chance you get”.

He thought for a moment and decided it was best to humor her. He didn’t really have any intention to run away but he knew that she wouldn’t believe him if he tried to explain that to her so he just said “Deal” and let her lead the way.

With a deep exhale, she reached over and grabbed Wally’s hand and gently pulled him along with her. A little fluttering feeling ignited in her chest, memory failed her as to when she last felt that feeling. She was certain she hadn’t felt it after her death and not for quite a long time before she hung herself. Time had lost it’s meaning in death, it had become very hard for her to remember a lot of things about her life. Most of the time she kind of forgot that there was a life before death.

They made their way through the little lobby into a very small hallway that lead to the front door. The house he was in felt very strange to him. It was a victorian house, there was no question about that. He had just never been in one before. It was a little disappointing, he didn’t find victorian houses to be very aesthetic. A part of him felt that he was being stupid because he couldn’t really have expected much out of the afterlife. He supposed it was better than how all his atheist friends had described it. They always told him that after someone dies, there’s just a whole lot of black nothingness. Come to think of it, he was expecting that to be how it was too. It was a pleasant surprise that it wasn’t that way at all, though still not what he was expecting.

V

As they walked out the door and onto the cold street Wally tried to take in where exactly he was. The sky was cloudy and grey but light shined through from somewhere. He wondered for a moment if there even was a sun here, there were thousands of questions like this running through his head. He couldn’t be sure if up was up or if up was down and black had become white. His insides tightened uncomfortably at this thought. It’s not like he was scared or anything, he was already dead so there wasn’t much worse that could happen to him. The feeling came from the sense of confusion he had. He’d spent a lot of the time while he was alive being confused.

His family had always confused him, they were good people and he knew that. He knew they always meant well but the problem was that their issues plagued everything they did. Only people who knew that kind of situation first hand could understand the frustration Wally had felt when he was alive. Frustration intensified everything he feel. If he was angry, it made him furious. When he was sad, it made him depressed. And at the exact moment, Wally felt it again. The familiar itch that would drive him insane night after night. For a split second, he realized what kind of nightmare he had woken up to. He wanted to kill himself but he was already dead. He wasn’t free of his emotions, he had just lost the choice to run away.

Doing his best, he pushed the revelation deep down into his stomach and ignored that pain. Silly as it may seem he didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that he was having second thoughts about wanting to stay in this place. Also he couldn’t be sure if that was what he actually wanted or if he was just having momentary regrets. Very seldomly would he ever know how he felt the first time he experienced things, Lydia was one of the few exceptions.

He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn’t paid any attention to where he was going. The feeling of a soft cold hand had been leading him the whole time. A half smile formed on his face as she pulled him along with her, her pace a little hurried for his liking but he couldn’t complain too much. His smile faded when he realized that even though they had known each other for a little while, he had no clue who she was. He racked his brain but for the life of him couldn’t remember if she had told him her name or not. A little bit of embarrassment overcame him. She seemed to care so much about him and his life but he didn’t even know her. Perhaps that was really why he was embarrassed, this girl was doing so much to keep him alive yet she knew just as much about him as he did about her. They had never stayed up late with each other, never went to see a movie, never obsessed over music, nothing. They were tied to each other by one small thread, they both had lost faith in the world that they had been living in.

In some strange way that made them know each other better than anyone else. For most it’s hard to understand how someone can be pushed so far that they’d end their own life but for someone who’s been in that place they know the feeling all too well. It’s easy to preach but if the one preaching doesn’t know what it’s like then they’re just shouting a bunch of empty words. Maybe that was why he was letting her guide him through this strange land. She wasn’t preaching to him about how he has so much to live for or any other bullshit like that. All she was doing was giving him a choice and for him that’s all he ever wanted in his life.

 

 

VI

Abruptly he felt the hand that guided him come to a stop. Again he had gotten lost in his thoughts. When he looked at her, he saw that she was staring at a large brick wall. At first he couldn’t understand why she was staring so intently but then it hit him. It wasn’t the wall that she was staring at, it was what was on the wall. Plastered on the wall were hundreds, maybe thousands of “Missing” posters. Each one of them showed kids everywhere from eleven years old all the way up to people who looked like they were in their late twenties. A few of them even had older people on them.The wall disturbed him like nothing else had.

“What is this?” His mouth was open slightly as he stared, transfixed on the wall.

“This is the missing wall, look here” she pointed at one of the posters and he took a step closer and saw himself on the picture, his name, and nothing else. He couldn’t believe what he was looking at.

“What the f**k is going on?” Tears were starting fill his eyes and he backed away from the wall disbelievingly. He couldn’t process what he was seeing. “How am I missing? I’m right f*****g here!” his tears grew heavier, he couldn’t stand to look at the wall anymore. Looking at her, tears pouring down his face, he started shouting at her. “What the f**k is this!” His body trembled and shook as he stared into her eyes.

Tearfully she tried to explain “Wally, you’ve been missing for a long time. You knew it, you haven’t been happy since-”

“You think I don’t know myself? I’m not lost! Being me is the only thing that kept me alive!” He shouted at her.

“It didn’t keep you alive! You let yourself get so lost that you ended up here!”

“JUST SHUT UP YOU STUPID W***E!!!!”

He screamed and took off running along the wall, the only thing he could think about was getting away from her and the wall. But the more he ran the more he realized how long the wall actually was. It seemed endless. Fog surrounded him and distorted his vision. He could be sure but it was a safe bet that the wall would continue as long as he could. There was no escaping it. He didn’t know why the wall had upset him so much. It just set him off, he’d been holding in all those thoughts and fears for as long as he could remember.

After a while a stitch formed in his side but he tried to ignore it for as long as he could. He knew he couldn’t keep it up forever. Panting heavily, he slowed down to an awkward walk before collapsing onto the ground. As he was siting there breathing heavily, he took a look around him. The fog made it impossible to see anything other the wall and the asphalt it was attached to. This was made worse by a tonal shift in the fog. At first it had been a clear cold grey tone but now it seemed as though it was turning faintly sepia tone. He had a faint inkling that the sun was going down, if there was a sun.  Terror swept over him, he had just ran away from the only person he’d seen in this place. Was it possible that they were the only ones there, somehow he doubted it. The thought truly frightened him.

The air and fog turned to a smokey grey and Wally was sure now that it was getting darker. A strange light seemed to be surrounding him but he couldn’t see anywhere for the light to be coming from. Not knowing what else to do he huddled close to the “Missing” wall. Even though they were just flyers, being close to the allusion of other people was all he could think do. He pressed his back against the wall and locked his arms around his knees trying his best to comfort himself. That strange light that had surrounded him started to dim and flicker out. In a few minutes he was cast into complete darkness.

The darkness terrified him but he tried to calm himself by repeating over and over again “I’m dead, nothing can hurt me now. I’m dead...I’m dead...I’m dead”. It did a little but not enough to calm him, he was in the fetal position shaking. Just then when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. A faint sound off in the distance was just barely audible enough for him to hear. It was a scurrying sound, something was scurrying around off in the darkness. Without missing a beat, Wally stopped muttering to himself and prayed in his head. He prayed that whatever was out there would not find him curled up against to wall.

The scurrying sound seemed to remain distant but it was as though the scurrier had triggered other things. Behind him, on the other side of the wall, assuming there was another side. He heard an indescribable sound, not unfamiliar but just out of place. It sounded as if something was living on the other side of the wall. Turning and gurgling sounds like the stomach of someone digesting their food. It was vile and it sent shivers down his spine. Worse yet than the organic sounds from beyond the wall was the faint whispering he heard from the wall itself. He knew it was whispering and it couldn’t have been his imagination. The whispers were clear enough that he could hear them but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. All of his insides had gone cold now, this place was alive and he was started to guess where he was. This was his worst nightmare, to be alone in the dark; being defenseless.

Whatever had been scurrying off in the distance started to sound as though it were coming closer. It must have smelt him or something because It was coming towards him. Waves of panic engulfed him, he started to cry again. There was no telling what was going to happen to him when the scurrier found him but he was sure it was going to be something truly unspeakable. Whimpering on the ground was as helpless as a child. His whole body was electrified by sheer terror and all he wanted to do was go home.

“P-please god! Please god, I wanna go home. I wanna go home. Please...please”! Snot and tears were mixing on his lips as he prayed and prayed. The scurrier kept getting closer and it started scurrying faster. It sounded as if it were only feet away from him. Bracing himself he shut his eyes and waited for it to come for him. Soon he felt the humid breath of something on his forehead. Whatever it was, it was now close enough to touch him. Any second now the scurrier would grab hold of him.

Braced as tightly as he could be, he kept praying to god and crying. Just as he heard a horrible moan and indescribable sounds of flesh opening up, thunder cracked against the sky. Wally flinched but kept his eyes shut tight. It all happened so fast that he couldn’t tell what was going on, lightning flashed and a powerful female voice screamed all around him. “Enough!” It and the scurrier fled quickly. All of the sounds he had been hearing before were silenced as the thunder clashed against the sky. Opening his eyes he saw a sight beyond words. Radiant orange light blurred his vision as he looked around, the dark fog was being pushed back and then cleared, the sky opened to thousands upon thousands of bright stars and cosmic clouds. Finally the orange light subsided and the stars cast their crystalline blue glow down onto the street.

VII

Wally couldn’t believe what he had just seen, it was like something out of a movie. Standing where the light had originated from was the girl he had run away from some time ago. She was standing there looking at him with a beautiful comforting smile. It was as though she were expecting him to know what was going on but he didn’t have the faintest clue.

“What?...How?” He could just barely choke out those two words. Stunned by what she had just done.

“You called for me, so here I am. I was hoping my brother would have taken it easy on you but after so long I think he’s forgotten how to give people a break” She tilted her head and gave this expression as though she was trying to say boys will be boys.

“I don’t understand” Mouth wide open, he could barely string together anything more than a sentence at a time.

The girl walked over to him and sat down right beside him so that she could speak to him more intimately. She put her hand on his shoulder and spoke softly. “It’s a long story but I’ll try to be quick, after all you did just have one hell of a scare. I don’t know how you’d like me to put this but I put all of this together to make a point to you. Since Lydia left you, you’ve been trying to destroy yourself. Barely eating, drinking until you black out, and so on. What for? Did you really think that I had abandoned you? I never abandoned you Wally! It killed me to have to take her from you. I didn’t want to, I really didn’t but I had to”.

A tear flowed down her beautiful cheek as she spoke. Wally couldn’t find his words anymore but even if he could he wouldn’t have interrupted her. “I can’t tell you everything right now Wallace but I can tell you that you are meant for more than what you were doing to yourself. Your talents and your dreams are there for a reason….but when you cut open your wrists you tried to throw all of that away. I know that you didn’t understand what you were doing, I know that you just wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to make it stop but I couldn’t , I would have stolen from so many others just to stop your pain” Tears started pouring from her eyes heavily now. “I could not just let you die, you have a destiny to fulfill but I know that if I didn’t let you go through with it, you’d never fulfill that destiny. So I had my brother put you here, I knew that if I showed you the “Missing” wall and could speak to you then I’d be able to put you on the right path”.

Wally shifted a little, he was starting to find his voice and he spoke with quietly to her “Why would you do that, why is it your job to put me on the right path”?

“Wally, it’s a parent’s job to look after their children” She smiled brightly, as though she was very proud of him. “You’re my son, I love you and I have always loved you. I’ve always been watching out for you. I mean think about it, Lydia who always rode the bus to school just so happened to get dropped off by her mom at the same time that you had gotten dropped off. It just so happened that the only clean shirt you had that day was a shirt of her favorite band. I totally rigged it so that you would find the right person to complete you. I did it cause I knew she’d be able to teach you and help you progress as a person. She was to start you down a path of enlightenment.”

His head was spinning, he was almost sure he knew who he was talking to but it couldn’t be. Was it possible? He had to know. “Who are you”?

“Very insightful question dear. I’m afraid though I don’t really know how to put it. I don’t like the name everyone gives me but for your sake I’ll say it. I’m what you call God”.

All of the blood in Wally’s face drained. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he thought perhaps that she was joking with him but somehow he was sure she wasn’t. “Y-you’re God?”

She made an exaggerated shudder and smiled at him. “Yes indeed I am, please note though that I really don’t like the word God. People misuse it way too much, I prefer not to have a name. That way people don’t do that thing where they think I’m my son”. She chuckled and shook her head. “I thought it was quite well known that he was my son, not me”.

“That’s kinda always bugged me too...Wait if you’re God then who’s your brother?”

Her smile faded a little bit, squeezing his shoulder gently she spoke slowly as though she were picking each one of her words carefully. “Well Wally, I don’t want you to be scared or anything but I think you may have figured it out already. We’re not in my kingdom, we’re in Hell. And my brother is, well his name is Lucifer.”

Wally flinched when she told him, he couldn’t contain himself. “I’m in Hell! What the f**k did I do to deserve being sent to Hell!” He shouted at her.

Remaining calm, she just shushed him softly. Something about her gentle shushes took away the burning hatred and after a minute he just kind of ran out of steam. “Wally, you haven’t been sent to Hell, not as many people end up in Hell as the church would lead you to believe. You really have to deserve it to end up here. I just couldn’t get the message across to you if I had taken you to my kingdom. I’m not really good at that whole disturbing visions thing, that was always his specialty. I had to crack your shell, breaking past the wall you built would be the only way to get the message to sink in. So I asked my brother to use his talents to break down your wall, I told him to go easy on you but I think he got carried away”.

Wally gave her a face of utter disbelief and she couldn’t help but laugh at him a little. “How is this funny? Do you know what I just went through? And to top it all off you tell me that the devil himself was the one doing it and you asked him too”. A disturbing hiss came out of nowhere causing wally to look around in panic. Even God had a slight bit of concern on her face.

“Do not call my brother that. He really detests that name, he’s not a monster or pure evil. Nothing like that, We’re a team Wally. He punishes people and uses fear to help people. That’s what he’s good at, he’s not the bad guy. He’s just the other side of the coin. And we’re in his kingdom so please try to show him some respect”. She patted his shoulder reassuringly. “He won’t hurt you but I still don’t want you offending him ok?”

“Yeah ok”. Wally looked out into the distance and saw tall faint shadow looking at him from the side of a building.

“Ok, now down to it. Do you know why I brought you here, besides to scare the s**t out of you?”

Wally thought for a moment but came up blank. He shrugged his shoulders at her.

“Well I brought you here because I wanted you to see how many people are missing in the world. This wall that stands before for us is a reminder for my brother. It reminds him why his job is important. And I hope that it shows you that you are not alone. Me and my brother work endlessly for you. Everyone on this wall helps shape the world and they do so because they were lost at one point. Most of them find themselves and then go shape the world, others shape the world while they’re lost. What I’m trying to say is that you spent so long thinking that you were alone, that you were the only one who felt like you do. This wall shows you that you are not, I shows you that you’ve got something to live for”.

“How is this supposed to make me feel like going on with my life? It shows me how bad it is all over”. He looked at her with a face full of confusion.

“Well you can look at in one of two ways or both ways if you’d like. On the one hand it shows you that you have work to do, you have to find yourself and put yourself back together again. And that should be a priority, more than just waiting for Lydia to come back to you. On the other hand you can look at this wall and see that you have to go out and help them. The only reason you took my hand and let me guide you through this strange land was because I knew how you felt. You trusted me because I wasn’t preaching what I thought, I was preaching what I knew. There’s a lot of people on this wall who could use your help. You’ve seen the wall which means you know the sheer scope of what’s at hand and you can be the one to help a lot of them”. A motherly smile spread across her face as she looked at him. A feeling of immense pride radiated from her inner most core as she looked at him. Pride that can only be felt by a parent who is seeing their child grow right before their very eyes.

Realization dawned on him as he looked at her and the wall, he finally started to see her point. Even though he felt bad, he had a job to do. And because of that job he still had purpose even if what made him feel complete wasn’t there anymore. He felt a little light headed as all these different thoughts ran through his mind. Standing there in the presence of his own creator only gave him confirmation about a few things, everything else was on him. She would have his back but his job, his destiny was in his own hands. There were people who felt the same way as he did, hell maybe some of them felt worse and he had to be there. To show a form of solidarity for not only himself but everyone around him and everyone to come after him. He had to live because even if he tried and failed to fulfill his destiny he would be setting a precedent of perseverance. And by doing so he would show what a people are capable of doing if only they just see everything through to the end.

As he came to enlightenment, his creator watched him proudly. She knew she had accomplished what she had set out to do. She and her brother had put life back into another good soul.

“So can I ask you a few more questions”? Wally spoke, his voice was shaky but he did his best.

“Of course you can but we have to be quick, you have somewhere to be getting back to” She gave him a playful wink.

“Ok so I guess I should ask, will Lydia and I ever get back together again”?

Her smile widened and she spoke with happiness in her voice. “I can not tell you explicitly if you will ever date again but you two have a gravity based on each other. No matter how far you pull apart you will always find yourself coming back to each other, just maybe not in the ways you expect”.

A half smile formed on his face. “Well that’s good enough for me. My next question, When I was sitting against the wall I heard  noises, what were they”?

Her smile faded a bit as she spoke. “Well I can’t tell you, I don’t really know what it is.  I think my brother had created a creature based off of some evil he witnessed in your world. That’s why I stepped in when it got too close, I don’t know how long my brother would have let it continue on. The whispering was the whispering those people on the wall hear in their heads all the time. I’m sure you’re familiar with it. And lastly, the sounds you heard on the other side of the wall, well you were hearing the living flesh of Hell, the wall separates this place which is fairly safe from the rest of hell”.

“Why is this place separate from the rest of Hell”?

“I don’t know how to really explain it in simple terms but this place is more connected with the living world than the rest of Hell. Sometimes people visit Hell, usually in their dreams. Only their souls make it through. This is the nature of nightmares, a person’s soul touches base with their own personal Hell. Hence why Hell is a living place, it has to adapt to aid my brother in punishing the damned. We use dreams and nightmares to guide people through their lives. This place is on the very edge of hell and while terrors exist they are not as potent here as they would be in the rest of Hell. This place is only to warn sleeping souls what awaits them if they should choose the path of evil.

Wally looked at her in stunned silence trying to process what she was saying to him. For a moment he just stood there and thought but then he thought of the last question he wanted to ask.

“I don’t know how but for some reason I feel that how you look now is not how you truly look. Did you just make up what you look like and killing yourself”?

She sighed heavily and spoke quietly. “No I did not make the person I am right now up. She was a real person at one point. Before I tell you more about her you must know that even though I have control over much of reality, I cannot control people. Neither my brother nor I have such a power. We can influence, we can manipulate the world around a person but we cannot control their will. She...was surrounded by evil. I did all that I could to ease her suffering but I could not overstep my boundaries. Everyone in her family abused her and they broke her. She felt the way you did and she took her life…and I let her. I know it may be hard to understand considering that mankind sees me as an all powerful being but I am restrained by my duty to keep mankind flowing. Evil must exist to balance good. And I could not simply stop her pain because I wanted my daughter to stop suffering. All of mankind are my children and sometimes I have to watch my children suffer for the master plan. I am so very sorry about this but it is my destiny and I must do it no matter what the personal costs are”.

Tears flowed down her cheeks, it was as though the story of this girl tormented her with each word she spoke. Wally got a sense that she would feel the same way if she were telling someone else his story. She was truly a mother to the entire human race.

“I love my children, even the ones who have chosen the path of evil. This being said, I know that they will learn from their mistakes. My brother will see to it that they do. I don’t want to seem as though I want them to be punished but they have to learn. They will have a chance to start over again”.

“If she’s with you...mom...tell her thank you for me. I don’t think I would have been able to come to where I am now if it had been anyone else. I have to go back now. I don’t know what I am going to do but at least I now have a spark in me. At least now something is living.

Walking over to him, she gave him a kiss on the forehead and spoke very softly again a tear made it’s way down her cheek. “I love you wallace, I always have and always will. Now just close your eyes and let go”. She pulled him into a warm embrace and held him, stroking his hair maternally.

For the first few seconds he didn’t feel anything different but then he felt his body slip a little and he felt like he was falling down a deep deep well, then blank nothingness. He was somewhat conscious at first of the blackness, he spent a while thinking on what had happened to him and what he’d do when he woke up but for a while he didn’t. Then he fell  completely unconscious.

VIII.

       A strange beeping noise sounded off in the distance, his whole body ached and his arms hurt like hell. Opening his eyes was his first mistake, the second was trying to cover his eyes with his hands. Straps were holding him down in the bed and when he tried to cover his eyes he put pressure on his stitched up wounds. It burned like hell and he let out a gasp pain. Once his eyes adjusted to the light he realized his surroundings. He was in a hospital bed, his body was hooked to various machines and the doctors had strapped his body to the bed. It was standard, it’s meant to make sure the patient doesn’t try to harm themselves.

He didn’t have the faintest clue as to where he was, how he got there, or what day it was. He pieced together that he must have slit his wrists but nothing beyond that  made any sense to him. Laying back he tried to gather his thoughts, the only thing that came to him was fragments of a weird dream and a sense of tranquility. As though everything was going to be Ok. On the bedside table he saw a bouquet of flowers and he could just make out the looped handwriting on the car. The flowers were from Lydia.    

Author's Note

Any feedback that can be given is appreciated, this is my second full length short story so please make notes on grammar, word phrasing, etc. Thank you
-DeadWolf