Untitled (The Beautiful Woman in My Room)

This has some deep classic style to it

Untitled

 

You are perfect,
For this moment you are perfect,
Lipstick smeared,
One stocking pulled down,
The warm morning light, cascading,
On your legs,
On the ground,

 

When you touch me, I am aching,
Your breath hanging heavily in the air,
The fire within me craving,
Your tender whispers,
Your luscious stare,

 

 

 

Author's Note

I think this is a nice Piece. Maybe I'm wrong

Reviews

[YouoweYoupay]

I agree with poetic justice. It's raw and emotional. I would think of more less used words instead of ones like: smeared, aching, or tender. New, unfamiliar words attract more readers. Other than that I liked the subtle erotica and detailed loving of the moment. Keep writing.

-Wella.

[Liza]

was this the girl you fell in love with
she seemed more interested in her cigarette :)
i do not see luscious stares or any chance of tender whispers
its a great write of longing
the image doesn't match
interesting how you expressed so much appreciation and choosing an image of someone that is not even making eye contact while paying attention to getting her "fix"

[...]

. bashing is not good for poetry ... especially if it's really evident that it was the girl who lost out on a rather poetic poet ... :) ...

[B MacGregor]

Perfection for only a moment. No more than a moment. Unfair or so fair?

Beautiful when finished. So finish it...

[Ebb and Flow]

This actually is wonderful the way it is. There's enough imagery that you can see her. I absolutely love the first few lines of this work because you take an imperfection such as smeared lipstick and turn it into something you would see as perfect where others would see imperfection. Nicely done.

Krystina

[just rose.]

Why would I bash it? It's lovely, like when someone makes tea and special cookies you like and you didn't expect it. The details are delicious.