RE: Thinking Out Loud

Viewer Discretion Advised.

You're right, you can do everything,

because you're gone, and it's for the best.

I want you to be happy,

even if I never showed it before.

You should've never protected me,

and just let me go.

We both knew you had an out,

I tried to turn myself in.

But in response,

you said

"No. Please. I love you, stay."

I never should've treated you like that,

or blamed you for it all.

But how should I react,

when you told me 5 were dead and gone?

It broke me inside, 

that we never had the choice.

But in hindsight, 

not having one was for the best.

The same songs that bother you,

bothered me too. I still cant listen.

Because they belong back there,

in that period of life.

So they can retain the happy memories

that we attached to them.

I loved you.

I know I did.

But my anger always won over reason,

Which is why I hate myself.

I caused you so much pain,

and acted like a child.

I wasn't ready for one,

of my own.

I've said, "I'm sorry."

and, honestly, I am..

But no amount of apologies,

will make up for it.

The neck in my hands,

and cutting your air supply,

was the worst noise of my life.

After I had left, it was me who wanted to die,

You want to know,

what stopped me in the end?

Hope.

Hope that we,

would be the lovers we wanted to be.

Hope that the names we picked out,

wouldn't have been in vain.

Hope that I could ever get control,

because I know you deserved better.

Hope that numbers 6 and 7,

could see the light of day.

I'm so happy you're gone,

even if I do miss you.

I need you to be happy, and survive.

After I blocked out the sun,

and took it away from your life,

I want you to enjoy the seasons,

especially the summer.

If we never meet again, 

it'd be okay with me.

You deserve happiness,

especially if it's away from me.

I am still afraid of me.

Maybe i'll get fixed,

someday.

Author's Note

I wrote this piece in response to The Martyr's "Thinking Out Loud".
I tried to write it in the same format as their piece, as as REsponse.

Also, I never blamed you, Martyr. I was just upset with the situation that I didn't even know was happening until you told me. Maybe you're right. Maybe I wouldn't have understood. But what broke my heart the most, is that you wouldn't let me be there for you, during that hellish time. You shouldn't have gone through it alone, and I'm sorry you ever felt like you had to.