A story of my Life before you get to know me

Please do not say anything My old account is not working so i am posting all my old stuffon a new page

So far in my life I have been physically, mentally, and verbally abused; I have been put so far down in life that I have put a gun in my mouth and to my tempel multiple times. I’ve cut myself over 100 I have tried to hang myself well over 30 times in my life. I have never really been much of a people person because of my past. I’ve just found it easier to hide in the shadows and not get attached to people or things. 

In the end I  always get left or hurt so bad I can feel my heart just want to shrink and break into pieces. I have been depressed most of my life. I found my mother dead in our living room on the couch when I was just about to leave for school. She passed away October 1st 2018 from liver failure because she was an alcoholic. I feel like it is my fault that she is dead because the day before she passed away we got into a big fight and I told her I wish she was dead and out of my life because I hate her. 

I could have done more to help her before any of that happened. I could have talked her into going to the hospital or something but she loved her addiction more than her own son; I tried a lot of things to help her but she just made empty promises to me. I didn't even get to tell her that I love her before she passed away. My last words were I HATE YOU; I HOPE YOU DIE!! When it came to her funeral I didn't show much emotion because she told me “when I die I don't want you to cry be strong” so I told her I would, and i was until her urn was brought out and put on the table I actually had to leave the church where her funeral was, because I was crying so much. I had to grow up fast in my life and I never had much of a childhood.