The House of Glass

The House of Glass is a story about a lonely boy named Peter who discovers that he has the ability to bring drawings to life.

Peter was not your average child. You see his parents were quite wealthy and so they’d built their only son a three story house for him to play in. For the purposes of our story let’s call Peter's parents Mr and Mrs Bleak, I would provide you with a further description of the pair but even Peter couldn't remember what his parents looked like.

I can however tell you a little about Peter himself and his loveable playpen. Peter was a rather near sighted fifteen year old with the beginnings of a stubble and dark mocha skin and as for his playpen, at most he would have described it as bleak; even at midday it seemed to radiate a cold air. He called it his House of Glass because there were glass tiles and mirrors on almost every surface.

But Peter didn't live there alone. Oh no, there were at least six servants around to maintain the house; four men and two women or as Peter liked to call them, the Dolls. They never spoke, never seemed to blink just functioned coldly with a sort of horrid clockwork efficiency. His parents allowed Peter a constant parade of tutors, as dull and lifeless as his dolls, aged old men in funny smelling trench coats and stern pin striped ties who never smiled and spoke only in monotones.

It was all so safe and gloomy, so cloying, so Peter drew. He spent every moment of his free time at his desk drawing people and places from the books they let him keep, from the programs he'd seen. However there was a picture he'd been working at for months; he'd decided he'd make a friend, a beautiful girl with caramel skin and the softest brown eyes. Kayla he'd called her and slowly she’d begun to come alive for him. She'd become so real to him that he swore that he could almost hear her speak to him at times. She was almost done too, just one more day left.

That Wednesday morning Peter woke up feeling happy and energized. Today it would happen, she would come to him. So he brushed his teeth carefully and practically ran to his desk.

All that was left were her eyes and he took his time capturing their fire, their intelligence, their merry humor, and when he’d finished the picture began to fade. He leapt back out of his chair in wonder. He could hardly believe it and he almost fainted when he heard a soft voice behind him as her picture disappeared entirely.

'Peter?'

He couldn't move, or breathe.

'Peter?'

He turned hesitantly. His mind denied the evidence before him while his heart laughed in wonder.

'Peter it's me.'

Was she really standing there?

'Aren't you going to say something?'

Peter giggled, then when he saw the uncertain look on her face broke into real laughter.

'You're here!.....You're really here!' he managed to get out between fits of laughter.

After a moment’s hesitation she ran towards him and hugged him tightly.

'Yes I’m really here!' she cried out joyfully, while Peter stood there dumbstruck. He realized it was the first time he had ever been hugged, then he was hugging her back, at first awkwardly, and then with greater enthusiasm as he considered what he'd done and what it meant.

For three whole weeks Peter considered himself the happiest and luckiest kid in the world. He and Kayla did all the things he'd dreamt about; they swam in the house's massive indoor pool, chased each other around in an endless game of tag, and sat under the stars in Peter's room staring at the heavens through his skylight. Peter began to believe he was in love, but then slowly he started to sense that his companion was sad.

So he asked her, 'what's wrong?'

And she looked up at him and tried bravely to smile.

'I just miss my friends that's all.'

'You had friends... before?'

'Oh yes, a lot of friends, but...they're back there.'

Peter was hurt that he wasn't enough for her, but he loved her so he asked the question that frightened him most.

'Do you want to go back?'

She looked at him for a while with the most serious face that Peter had ever seen her make, then she broke into a happy smile.

'No, but maybe you can bring them here.'

Peter wasn’t sure but he didn't want to disappoint her so he said, 'I'll try Kayla, but you'll have to help me. I'll need you to tell me what they look like.'

She sprang to her feet and offered him her hand. As he shook it she said, 'it's a deal,' and she gave him her trademark smile, but Peter still felt that something was wrong.

So for a full month Peter and Kayla worked on bringing her friends to life, first with Michael, then with Laura, Cassie, Jennifer, Bobby, Sean, Charles, Theresa, Lyle, Angela, David, Elizabeth, Martin and Rose. With each one Peter lost the wonder that he'd found when he’d created Kayla, and began to think more and more of the sense of disquiet he'd felt when they began. Still he was in love so he said nothing and worked even harder to turn Kayla's dreams into a reality.

When they were done however things only got worse. They started asking him to bring them things; a stereo system, packs of cigarettes, bottles of liquor. At first he'd been scared to order the servants to get them with the card his parents had left him, but they were only dolls for him to play with as he wished, and they never complained or argued as he thought they would. Soon his new friends were throwing daily parties, and the air in the house began to reek of cigarettes and alcohol. Soon Peter saw less of Kayla as she partied with her friends.

It wasn't long before Peter found himself back at his desk drawing again. Only this time he didn't draw people, he began to draw a forest that he'd been dreaming about for the past few days. He'd figured it out; if he could let them out by drawing them, he could find a way in by drawing himself. So he started to draw himself in the forest and the picture was almost done, only one day left now.

Kayla had thought she'd be happy when they were all out, and she had been at first but something was wrong. The feeling had been creeping up on her slowly, and then Michael had started pawing at her, his blue eyes glazed over in his stupor, and she'd realized what was missing. Kayla pushed him off her, and he fell on his rear, his lightly tanned skin much like hers colored slightly, but she didn't wait around for his response. She ran down the corridors searching frantically, where was he? She’d come to see that what was missing was Peter, and she remembered how he’d treated her, with kindness, with generosity and with love, and she ran even faster.

She reached his bedroom just as he finished his drawing; he looked up at the sound of her feet outside his door then vanished.

'No!' She ran for his desk, and looked down in horror at Peter's drawing of himself inside the forest. He looked back at her, and gave her a sad smile. He whispered and the trees stirred as a wind moved through them carrying his words to her.

'Goodbye.'

He gave her one last lingering look, then he turned and walked into the forest, she stood there sobbing quietly as he disappeared into the trees. She dropped the drawing, and looked around the room and saw how desolate and lonely it was. She kept sobbing as she stumbled towards Peter's bed and curled up into a ball on top of it, crying long into the night.

 

 

Reviews

[Mila]

Hey!! This was really good, I enjoyed it :)
I did notice a few things I thought I'd point out. It wasn't a lot!
1. The sentence "You see his parents were quite..." to avoid this being a run-on, toss a comma in after the 'you' to give it a break.
2. The sentence "For the purposes of our story let’s call Peter's parents Mr and Mrs Bleak, I would provide you with a further description of the pair but even Peter couldn't remember what his parents looked like." Here again, seems a bit rushed and muddled together. I think, firstly, toss in a comma after "firstly" and then, after Mrs. Bleak, change that comma to a period. Separating that into two sentence will help it flow much better.
Most of what I saw has to do with that. A lot of your sentences run together and it seems really rushed. The story itself is wonderful and creative, but I would highly suggest maybe going back and perhaps reading it to yourself either aloud or otherwise and see where the breaks can go. This will really help your story flow much better!
Other than that, this was very enjoyable. I'd say very well done and I hope my advice was helpful!