'Chapter 1: A Tale in Black and White

Where it all begins...

There was a time when things were easy for me, when everything in my life had a purpose, and a place. But somehow, as I grew older, everything around me had no purpose, and every change did what it pleased. I never found it very fair for the world to play with my emotions, to take away what meant the most to me, instead replacing them with something that meant nothing. I suppose the war had something to do with it, and I suppose there were more out there suffering as I was. But at the time I felt I was the only one fighting the war against time, myself alone.

This is my story, clear as black and white, yet leaves some to the imagination. And though I found it hard to relive the memories, and harder to try and forget them all together, I’ve recorded them here, page by page, word by word, ink to paper…heart to heart.

The times were different then, colder, the draft and the war floating above our heads like the cartoons where the rain clouds follow only one person, though nothing about it was comical. Instead it was like one giant cloud above us all, taunting us and threatening to pour over us instantly. It wasn’t easy to live like that, with fear and worry filling our every hour, but we did it. And some of us, like me, found love, a little happiness, and a purpose amidst it all. And however short it was, at least it was there. With this I begin, where everything began, where it ended, where it continued on though some weren’t there to continue it, too.

My sister Nancy was home for the summer with her boyfriend. My parents were ecstatic, but I knew it meant something more. My sister didn’t come home often, and when she did, it was always bearing some sort of huge news. I knew this time would be no different, and I had an itching feeling that it wasn’t going to be a good thing.

It was nightfall, and my sister had been home for just a few days, when I was making my way through the garden up to the house. I heard hushed voices just feet away from where I was and slipped behind a tree to be hidden. I realized it was Nancy and Richard, her boyfriend, who were whispering in front of me so I tried my best not to listen, though I couldn’t help it.

“I don’t know why you don’t just tell them. If you prolong it too much they’re going to be even angrier that you told them the day you were leaving,” Richard whispered, letting out a small laugh.

“It’s not that simple. My parents aren’t going to react well, especially when they find out that not only am I going to Germany, I’m getting married there and not inviting them. How would you feel if that was you?” my sister replied sadly.

“I’d feel great knowing my beautiful daughter was getting married to someone so gorgeous and amazing,” Richard joked.

“That’s not funny, Richard. This could kill them you know.”

“As long as you’re happy, they’ll be happy, love. Don’t think that you should find ways not to hurt them; it’s inevitable sometimes. You’re not their baby girl anymore, and they need to understand that. If there’s something you’re not telling me, like you don’t love me anymore, do it now. I don’t want you letting this go any longer if you don’t even want it to,” Richard said in a cool, calm voice.

“Oh Richard,” Nancy replied. “You are my life now, I could never stop loving you even if I tried. I’ll tell them tomorrow, I promise.”

“You’ve never been more beautiful to me than you are right now, you know that? And don’t worry; I’ll be by your side the whole time. I won’t let anything happen to you,” he whispered. I could hear him kiss her and then the sound of two pairs of feet going up the walk, the door shutting behind them.

I moved from my spot and sat on a rock, pulling my knees toward me. I envied my sister, what she had with Richard. I wanted love and happiness so badly; it felt like it was gnawing a hole in my heart every time I saw it in everyone else. I’d never felt what she felt, what she saw every time Richard walked into the room. The butterflies she felt whenever he brushed a hand against her blushed cheek…I felt like I was missing something important, like I would be able to really live if I didn’t get it.

                    ***
It was strange knowing something before it was going to happen, and it hung over me all day, especially whenever I saw Nancy or Richard. They were going to tell my parents that night that they were getting married in Germany, without them. It made me uneasy somehow, like I knew something was going to terribly wrong, but I knew better than to give myself away by saying something.

And of course, my mother seemed oblivious all day. She just seemed so happy that Nancy was back that she didn’t take any notice in how worried Nancy’s face looked or how happy Richard’s was. If my father had stayed home instead of going to work at the factory, he probably would have paid more notice. He knew how to read face expressions fairly well and that’s usually how he always knew what I was feeling. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and apparently my emotions, too.

My mother on the other hand, only noticed things that were directly affecting her. I found it hard to connect with her in any way. She didn’t pay attention to anyone’s feelings or anything they were experiencing. Don’t get me wrong, she did care for us, but she didn’t give us that same care dad did. Hers was indirect, and I suppose the most emotion she shared with us was made in her food. You could tell exactly what she was thinking or feeling in what she cooked. And I guess, how she felt about us, too.

Towards the end of the day, when dinner was nearing, I could see that Nancy was anxious, and I knew that she and Richard were going to talk to my parents either during or after. I had a feeling they’d do it after, when my parents couldn’t make as much of a scene with me and my other sister, Georgina, and her twin, James, there too.

And right on cue, when we were all sitting outside in the garden, Nancy cleared her throat. No one but me paid any attention and I saw Richard put a comforting hand on hers and nodded ever so slightly. She cleared her throat again, and I heard her heart pounding nervously from my seat.

“Nancy and I something to tell you,” Richard said at last, seeming to realize that Nancy wasn’t going to say anything, at least, not at first. “And we want you to stay silent until she finishes speaking. Can you do that for us?”
   
My mother looked over at my father curiously, while my father looked not at her, not at my sister and Richard, but at me. I looked away quickly as his eyes bore on mine, searching for any clue as to what was going on. He followed my gaze as it landed first on Richard and then on Nancy and he kept his gaze steady on them as he prepared to listen.

“I think we can do that,” dad answered. “Don’t you Roverta?”

My mother, still looking at my father in wonder, nodded slowly and then turned her attention to Nancy. “What is it Nancy?”

My sister stared at them nervously; she looked like a deer in front of headlights. She looked over at me, but only for a moment as she turned to Richard. “I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“You can baby,” he said quietly, so only Nancy was meant to hear, but I was sitting right next to him, so it wasn’t that necessary to strain my hearing.

“Mum, dad,” she said, taking a deep breath. Richard tightened his grip on her hand. “We’re getting married.”

Besides the crickets chirping and the leaves blowing with the steady breeze, everything was silent. My mother spoke first, much to my surprise, and much to my sister’s too, judging by her taken aback expression. “A wedding? Have you set a date?”

“We have,” Nancy answered. “And a place.”

“When’s the happy day?” she asked. She hadn’t figured it out yet. Well, she’d know soon enough. I looked over at my dad; he looked much more in tune with what Nancy had just said.

“The first of June,” she answered, her voice shaking. “Back where we live in Germany.”

“What? So far? You’re going to make it impossible for the family to make it there on such short notice! What are you thinking?” my mother asked. She wasn’t quite on the same page, but she would be soon. My siblings seemed confused as well.

“The family won’t be going,” my father told my mother. “They’re eloping.”

The stillness in the air was stifling, and I wondered how my sister was taking my mother’s silent reaction. It was making me nervous, so she must have been in hysterics inside.

“Richard,” my father said after a moment. “Is this how you planned to take care of my daughter when you said she’d be safe with you? To break her mother’s heart? Have you no shame?”

“Sir, I meant it when I said that. This is Nancy’s decision entirely, and I’m respecting her wishes,” Richard answered.

“Why would you want to do this, Nancy?”

My sister stayed silent. I watched as the tears slid down her face, letting out the pain she’d held in for so long. My mother slid her chair back and stormed inside. Georgina followed after her. James followed suit a few minutes later, and my dad was the last to leave, his face looked like stone as he left. It was just me, my sister, and Richard, and I felt like I was intruding.

I stood to leave, but Nancy grabbed hold of my hand. “Wait, Lucy.”

“What is it Nan?” I asked as I sat back down.

“Why are you so silent?” she asked me. “I’ve never heard you so quiet about family affairs in my entire life.”

“I overheard you and Richard talking last night,” I admitted. “I didn’t really have much to say.”

“And you didn’t breathe a word to anyone? Why?” she whispered.

“I didn’t feel it was my news to tell, Nan,” I replied.

Nancy fell silent and looked over at Richard. This time when I stood up, she let me go. “Goodbye Lucy,” she whispered as the door squeaked shut behind me.

                    ***
The next morning when I woke up, I didn’t need to look in my sister’s room to know what was going on. She was gone. My mother was nowhere insight. It was the first time in my entire living memory that my mother wasn’t in the kitchen cooking. This only worried me, and I went upstairs to find her. She was sitting in her room, looking through some sort of writing.

“Mum?” I asked, not daring to walk in without consent.

“She’s gone,” she whispered. “Packed her things last night and left. She left a note saying she wasn’t coming back. I’ve pushed away my daughter…and I don’t even know how.”

I tried to think of something to say, but I didn’t really know what to say. I realized at that moment I really didn’t know why either. Why Nancy wanted the family away from her wedding, why she was hurting so many people. But at the same time, I could understand. They didn’t really like Richard and she loved him to no end. But I’d think from last night our parents showed that they would at least tolerate them getting married…so why did they leave?

I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see my sister again after that day or if I even wanted to. But of course things wouldn’t be the same without her here, and I knew that she’d show up soon enough with some sort of explanation. She had to; it was only fair to us…wasn’t it?






 

Author's Note

Let me know what you think about it all, what needs work, particular things that you do/do not like, anything that seems unrealistic, or anything else that you want to comment on. Any help is appreciated.