Systematic Swan.

Systematic Swan

By

Darrel Draper

Synopsis: Jared and Vienna live seemingly perfect life’s within a perfect world, however, what happens when they are torn from that world and forced to face a much bleaker existence?

(Jared and Vienna, two extraordinary attractive looking people, sit comfortably together on a park bench. Blissfully content in the presence of each other. They are dressed lavishly. It's a beautiful sunny day with a crystal clear blue sky. The grass seems greener than usual)

Jared: So I finally found the stairs and I could hear it crying from......

Vienna: (Laughs) Whenever men refer to babies, it's always, it.

Jared: I couldn't tell with all the smoke, I could barely see my hands in front of me. So I made it up the stairs, and followed the sound, and it had been left in its cot, so I quickly grabbed it and made my way out, but by this point, the smoke was so thick I was having to crawl, I crawled down the stairs, baby cradled in one hand, hose in the other, the hose acted as my guide out the building, led me straight out to the truck, the smoke had spread so far outside it was like stepping out of one abyss into another. But as the smoke cleared slightly, I could see a crowd of people around, and as soon as they saw me, standing there, baby in my arms, there was a giant cheer, that almost made the smoke completely disappear.

Vienna: Wow. Bet you got a lot of respect for that.

Jared: Yeah, just a little more and I get a pay rise.

Vienna: That's great. (Beat) So what was IT?

Jared: Huh?

Vienna: The baby you rescued.

Jared: Ow, um......girl I think.

Vienna: You probably get more respect for rescuing girls than you do boys. Us being the child bearers and all.

Jared: Mmm, yeah, but, how often does that happen in this day and age?

Vienna: Good point. (Vienna rests her head on Jared's shoulder and looks up at the sky) No clouds. Not one.

Jared: Amazing isn’t it. Looks like you could swim through it.

Vienna: That ponds just as blue, if you fancy a dip.

Jared: I think the swans would have something to say about that.

Vienna: Oh yeah. What would they say?

Jared: You know......(Puts on a peculiar voice) get out of our pond!

Vienna: (Laughs) Is that what a swan sounds like?

Jared: This one does. You see that one there. He's the king of these parts.

Vienna: He, maybe a she.

Jared: No the males are bigger.

Vienna: Ah, that gives me a brilliant idea.

Jared: What's that?

Vienna: Well, I'm not sure I should divulge the specifics just now, you know for copyright reasons, but If we were to sign a contract first, then maybe.....

Jared: Vienna, my lips are sealed.

Vienna: Ah, perfect for kissing. (She leans in and they kiss)

Jared: (Gently pushing her back) You're not getting out of it that easy. I want to know.

Vienna: Well it's rather niche, but I think there's a gap in the market for it, ready to have your mind blown?

Jared: Blow away.

(There's a brief pause, Jared suddenly registers what he has just said, as does Vienna, they give each other an awkward look and then burst out laughing)

Jared: Wow, glad no one else was around to hear that.

Vienna: Yeah, except the swans, what would they say about that?

Jared: Um......(In a swan voice) Go for it!

Vienna: No they wouldn't! They're sophisticated, just like us.

Jared: You wouldn't believe the stuff that goes through their heads, trust me, I am the swan speaker after all.

Vienna: S**t speaker more like it.

Jared: Speaking of which, what was your idea?

Vienna: Hey! This idea is going to make us, well me, a multimillionaire.

Jared: I thought we were going to be fifty fifty partners.

Vienna: Mmmmm, forty sixty. And that's the best you're going to get.

Jared: OK, so cut the suspense.

Vienna: (Dramatic pause) Heels for swans.

Jared: WHAT! Where'd you get that from?

Vienna: You said the males are bigger so......

Jared: (Laughs) Yeah but then there'd be no way of telling them apart!

Vienna: OK, so we'll extend the line, do all sorts of accessories, have chains of shops, and they'll be called...........

Jared: Swan style!

Vienna: Yes Jared! I like it!

Jared: Now you have to make me a fifty fifty partner.

Vienna: forty nine, fifty one. Final offer.

Jared: That one's just going around in circles.

Vienna: Yeah I noticed that earlier. It's been doing it a while.

Jared: Should really report it.

Vienna: I'm sure someone’s already seen it.

Jared: Hopefully, these things can spread.

Vienna: I'm sure it's a simple fix. (Beat) In a way I think it's sad that there's no clouds. I remember when I was really young I used to lay down on the grass and look up at them.

Jared: Maybe that's something else you should mention then.

Vienna: I used to lay there for hours, just imagining what it would be like to float on one. Float all around the world. (Pause) I'd always get grass stains though, and then I'd return home and get shouted at. (Beat) But hey, every cloud right......I wonder where that expression comes from. I mean, clouds aren't necessarily a bad thing. I don't even know what clouds are, I mean, what they're made of.

Jared: I'll have a look.

Vienna: No it's OK.

Jared: Just a second. (Jared falls silent for a moment, he stares ahead emotionless, suddenly he becomes animated again as if the information has just popped into his head) OK, so, the simple explanation. Clouds are a large collection of water droplets and ice crystals that settle on dust particles in the air. Combined they float and form visible shapes. That make any sense?

Vienna: Kinda.

Jared: There's a lot of information. Probably best to look for yourself.

Vienna: I might do, later. Though if I spent my time questioning everything, I'm pretty sure I'd self destruct.

Jared: Some things just can't be explained. (Beat) Like how I have the ability to speak to swans for example.

Vienna: (Sniggers) Then maybe you should tell that one to stop making me feel dizzy.

Jared: Na, it's fun to watch. Be boring if they all swam the same way.

Vienna: So what else do you want to do today?

Jared: Anything, as long as it doesn't involve fire.

Vienna: Well that's ruined my plans, I was really hoping to do a bit of arson.

Jared: Oh well as long as I'm not the one putting it out.

Vienna: (Beat) Why did you choose to be a fireman?

Jared: Superhero wasn't an option. So I picked the closest thing.

Vienna: You could have been a police officer.

Jared: Name me a TV show or film, where the police officers haven't been crooked in some way? (Pause of silence) Where's firemen, they're the real heroes, risk life and limbs on a daily basis, self-sacrificing to save their fellow man. Without knowing anything about that person, good or bad, they do their job, without prejudice. Nothing is more heroic or courageous than being a fireman. (Beat) Maybe it all comes from watching Fireman Sam when I was little.

Vienna: Do you know who else has a bold legacy? Postman Pat (Sniggers).

Jared: I've never been a cat person.

Vienna: Bob the builder.

Jared: I've never liked talking cement mixers.

Vienna: (Laughs) That's fair enough.

Jared: So did you want to be a dog walker just because you like dogs, or is there more to it?

Vienna: Does there need to be more to it?

Jared: No. (Beat) So do you speak dog?

Vienna: Pfftt. No. I'm not barking mad.

Jared: Oh god! (Sniggers, beat) Hold on, here's a question. Do you still need to.....you know.....

Vienna: No?

Jared: Well when you're walking the dogs, and they need to......

Vienna: Ow right, of course.

Jared: Really?

Vienna: Well yeah, it's part of the job.

Jared: Yeah but, why make them......Oh I don't know, it seems pointless. (Beat) Did you know that when you selected the job?

Vienna: I kind of assumed.

Jared: And do you actually get fined if you don’t?

Vienna: (Nods) It's all part of it. To be honest, I don't really do it for the respect. I just love dogs, and if that's what I have to do to spend time with them, then, so be it. Pro's and cons.

Jared: Yeah but I still don't understand why they would, you know, and what would be the point in......

Vienna: There's got to be some negatives to the positive, or, well, it wouldn't be, like, life, would it. It would be, heaven.

Jared: If you ask me, we pay enough TO live in heaven.

Vienna: Well It's kind of like your job, if you think of the ins and outs of it. What's causing these fires? I mean why even make things flammable? (Beat) We wouldn't be able to function in a perfect world. People get away with burning s**t, because that's what makes them happy, just like putting out fires makes you happy. Without their purpose in life, you would have no purpose, without them fulfilling their desire, you would be unable to fulfil yours, so we continue to play the game. So to speak.

Jared: (Pause) So basically, what you're saying is......you desire to pick up dog s**t.

Vienna: (Laughs, playfully hits Jared) No! That's not what I'm saying! I'm saying.............see, this is exactly what I meant earlier, if you sit there and think about all the minor details you'll drive yourself mad. We need to learn to just accept what's in front of us, whether it's real or.......you know.

Jared: Actually, it's funny you mention this, because, well, there's a reason I wanted to bring you here today. Remember this is where we had our first date?

Vienna: Of course I remember.

Jared: I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I know, for a full fact, that my feelings for you are real. A hundred per cent. And I hope your feelings for me are real too.

Vienna: Of course they are.

Jared: (Takes in a deep breath) OK. So, what I wanted to ask, is......(Gets down on one knee and produces a ring box, Vienna’s face lights up with joy) Would you make me the happiest man alive, and do me the honour of, of, of, of, of, of...............

(Jared appears to jolt backwards and forwards as Vienna stands frozen in time. Blackout. A spotlight falls either side of the stage and we see a man and a woman sat behind a desk in front of a computer, on opposite sides of the stage. They are wearing virtual reality glasses which are plugged into their computers. They are in complete contrast to the appearance of their avatars Jared and Vienna, and are clearly older than them too. The man is a burn victim with scars upon his hands, arms, neck and a slight part of his face. The woman is sat beside a blue and silver Teksta robotic puppy that operates under voice recognition. They look frustrated and in devastation as they remove their glasses and look bleakly around)

Automated Voice: Service currently unavailable. Global Tech would like to apologise for any inconvenience or distress this may cause. Rest assured we are doing everything in our power to resolve this problem and aim to have all avatars restored within the next 12 to 24 hours.

Joe: What!

Veronica: 12 hours!

Joe: No, I can't wait that long! I need to know her answer!

Automated Voice: In the meantime, take steady steps adjusting, if you find the process of adjusting to be too strenuous, than please contact one of our adjustment agents on the following alternative modes of communication.

Joe: No! No! No! No! No! Not now! Why now!

Veronica: Argh! Pile of dog s**t! (Turns to robot dog weeping) He was going to propose Blue, he was going to propose.......

(Both Veronica and Joe sit in complete silence for a moment, not knowing what to do with themselves. Complete blackout. Lights up on Joe aimlessly sat continually clicking on the refresh button, on loop. He looks exhausted and if he hasn't slept)

Joe: C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon!

(Blackout on Joe, lights up on Veronica. Veronica is trying to play with Blue her robotic dog, she holds out a toy bone/ball which comes with the dog from a distance and is trying to encourage it to fetch, however due to the poor voice recognition software she is having no luck as the dog just aimlessly makes barking noises)

Veronica: C'mon Blue, C'mon boy, C'mon. Come to mummy. (The dog randomly does a black flip, she sighs and throws the ball/bone down in defeat) S****y voice recognition. If only I wasn't allergic to the real thing. (She returns to her computer and begins clicking the refresh button repeatedly in a similar manner to Joe)

(Blackout on Veronica. Lights up on Joe, who is erratically pacing on the phone while engaged in a frustrating telephone conversation)

Joe: No, no, that's not acceptable. It's been four days now. I shouldn't even be having to have this conversation with you over the....I mean, are we back in the stone ages here, I mean, what is this? 2017? No, it's a joke! You can't expect people to live like this. What! No way! Now you really are having a laugh. Go outside? Go outside! Have you any idea what its' like out there! The pain? The suffering? No? Well then! How about you go outside and if you're lucky to return you can give me that sound advice again, but until then.......Email? Oh, yeah, yeah, I could do that, wait, hold on, I think I've just been transported again back in time, I'm even further back now, oh look, there's Jesus! Just get the bloody servers back up and running! That's what we all pay you for! (Hangs up, beat, laughs to himself). Email.......(Suddenly reconsiders, moves to his computer, fingers poised over the keys trying to think of the words to write) C'mon, what would Jared say?

(Jared suddenly appears as if a representation of his conscience/thoughts)

Jared: (In a mocking tone) Hey sweet cakes, I hope you're......

Joe: I am not writing sweet cakes.

Jared: Ah, not so easy now is it Joe, now you don't have this (Gesturing to his own body) to......

Joe: I'll just start with Hi, or Hello. Keep it simple...No wait......Is Hi too informal?.... Is Hello too formal?

Jared: (Rolls eyes) Dear god, there's no hope.

Joe: Shut up!

Jared: Christ, either you want my help or you don't! Make your mind up!

Joe: Well not if you're going to be like that.

Jared: Like what? Perfect? Because that's what I am, remember? (Beat) Have you thought about how you're going to explain what really happened? Joe? You know, how you really got those.....

Joe: I won't have to, servers will be up and running by the end of the week.

Jared: BUT.....What if they're not? Then how are you going to......

Joe: Shhh!!!!!

Jared: (Beat) It's kind of sweet really, you making me in the image of the man who rescued you. (Beat) I guess that kind of means that I've saved your life twice now. (Beat) Once from death, once from a tragic existence. (Sniggers) Irony ay. (Beat) The name Jared though.....Wasn't Jared that a*s hole who used to bully you?(Beat) Was popular though wasn't he? (Beat) Wonder what she really looks like? Vienna? Probably not her real name but..... There's you worrying if she'll actually find you, the real you, attractive, but, have you even considered that you might not actually find her......

Joe: Just shut up!!!!!

Jared: (Beat) And even if she would have said yes, she wouldn't really be saying yes to.....

Joe: Look, I've changed my mind. I'll write this one on my own, so just, f**k off will ya!

Jared: (Smirks sadistically) Alright, we'll see just how long you last on your own. (Jared exits. Joe sits, deep in contemplation, fingers still poised over his keyboard)

Joe: Joe, just be Joe. Now. What would Joe say?

(Blackout. Lights up on Veronica who is gluing what looks like fake fur onto her robot dog. There is a full length body mirror on her side of the stage which has been covered up by a sheet. We hear a muffled voice coming from the sheet hung over the mirror frame)

Vienna: This is ridiculous Veronica. You can't keep me covered up forever. It's not my fault. You're the one who made me. You're the one who couldn't look themselves in the.......

Veronica: There we are Blue, who's a beautiful boy?

Vienna: Maybe if you wore more expensive make up or dressed a little more.....

Veronica: You are, yes you are, yes you......

Vienna: Argh! Stop! You're pathetic! Who's ever going to love....

Veronica: Don't listen to that b***h Blue, she's only.......

Vienna: B***h? B***h! How dare you! I'm not the pathetic one. An agoraphobic who names their avatar Vienna because their too scared to actually go visit.......

Veronica: Just ignore her Blue! She's isn’t even there!

Vienna: I'm confused, who are you actually even speaking to right now? Yourself? Because that thing isn't real either. Just so you......

Veronica: She may be beautiful on the outside, but on the in........

Vienna: Oh like that was ever important! Not to you! Not to.......

Veronica: Shut up! Just shut up!

Vienna: (Laughs) I thought I wasn't even here? (Beat) Why can't you just admit that you miss me? You miss me more than you do him. More than anything.......

Veronica: It's not true.

Vienna: It is. You loved me more than you did......

Veronica: No!

Vienna: But don't you see, without me, there is no him. There is no......

(Suddenly a message tone is heard coming from Veronica's computer, she leaps up and runs over to it to check the message)

Veronica: It's a message Blue! (Slightly confused) From someone called Joe, wait, it says, AKA, Jared. AKA, the swan speaker. (Giggles and gets excited) It's him Blue! It's him! It's a link.

Vienna: Could be a virus from a hacker, you best not.......

Veronica: Shh!!!! I'm tired of listening to you! (Clicks on it) Mmm. Facts about swans. There's a section highlighted. (Reads out loud) Swans, much similar to penguins, are one of the few species in the animal kingdom which mate for life. Once they have chosen their partner they never willingly leave them or stray towards other swans. If they do find themselves separated or if sadly one of them passes away, they will not mate with any other swan. (A big smile falls over her face) That means he's waiting for me.

Vienna: Not you!

Veronica: (Drops her smile suddenly and contemplates with a glum expression, but then suddenly becomes inflated with a look of determination and gusto) Do you know what's also magnificent about swans Vienna? They all begin life believing they're ugly in comparison to others around them, until they grow older, wiser, and shed their grey feathers, then, they realise, they were actually beautiful all along, and just as equally deserving of the love as any other.

Vienna: That sounds very much like the story of the ugly duckling, except......

Veronica: You see Vienna, you're my grey feathers, and I think it's time that I.........

(She whips the cover off the mirror and only sees herself staring back at her. She smiles acceptingly)

(Blackout. Lights up on a more bleaker looking park, less sunshine, less green. Veronica nervously lingers awaiting the arrival of someone, very aware of her surroundings as she feels slightly unsafe and on guard. A coy and equally nervous Joe creeps slowly onto stage and meets eyes with Veronica, for a moment they just stare at each other in silence, both not knowing what to say or do. They exchange smirks)

Veronica: (Mutters) Yes.

Joe: Huh?

Veronica: The answer to your last question.

(Blackout)

THE END.

Author's Note

An adaptation from a feature length play I wrote entitled 'Lost Connection'.