Killing The Joke

Sean is giving a speech at his best friends funeral, although is struggling to come to terms with the fact he committed suicide and is questioning why.

Killing The Joke

By

Darrel Draper.

(Sean, 24, is giving a speech at his best friends funeral. His best friend committed suicide and Sean is struggling to come to terms with why. Sean is not very good at public speaking and is very, very aware he is standing in a church with a vicar/priest)

Sean: Jamie was, my best friend, not only my best friend, but a brother, to sound cliché, but he was also, a bit of a prick to be honest (Sniggers then quickly remembers where he is), sorry father, but that doesn't mean he was a bad person, I mean, I think we're all at times, a bit, you know. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I thought he was selfish, I'm sorry, I mean, just considering how many people he had in his life, me for example. I wonder if he ever thought about me, and what I'd do on two for Tuesdays, or when it come to two for one films. Wonder if he ever imagined some lonely, fat, pathetic man, sat by himself in the cinema, feasting on an extra large domino’s, with one warming the seat beside him, just blubbering away, and the films supposed to be a comedy. (Beat, laughs to himself) We actually left Dumb and Dumber two in tears, god that was....Sorry father, but, yeah, was an awful film. Now that would be enough to make you wanna........But Jamie was, he was, someone I wanted to be, you know, I was actually jealous of him a lot of the time, and when we were younger I used to wish that I'd go to bed and wake up in his body, because, well, girls used to flock to him like sheep, and I know, that's not like, the best reason to want to be someone but.....He was also a lot smarter than me, I used to copy his homework, if it wasn't for him I doubt I would have made it through school, sorry fath....Dad, and Mum.

(Beat, laughs) He used to try and trip me up, when I used to copy him, he used to write things down that weren't true, let me copy it and then change it after without me seeing, so I remember once in History I was pulled aside by the teacher because apparently I had written that Hitler had his missing, testicle, replaced by a dud grenade (Laughs to himself), sorry, I suppose I shouldn't really say his name in Church but.......We had lots of laughs, at school, college, of course he got into a better university than me. I'll never forget the day he made it onto the Oxford list, (Sniggers) we went out shopping for one of those cricket jumpers and a shirt he could tie round his neck like one of those complete utter (Bites back on what he wants to truly say)........Educated people. (Beat) And he could always lift more than me in the gym, no protein powder needed, where there's me taking more stuff than a London rioter on a solar eclipse.....All legal supplements of course. And whenever we would go drinking, which, wasn't actually that often, he'd always be able to handle more than me, not that you know.....We always drank in moderation anyway.... But, yeah, he was just, better at most things than me. I thought being him would be amazing. Because I thought being me sucked. But, I guess, you never really know what it's like, being someone else, I mean, Jamie always seemed, he was always the life and soul of the party, was always, just, Jamie, that cheeky, happy go lucky, confident, outgoing, outspoken, just, cool dude that everyone seemed to love.

(Beat) It's just a shame that obviously he couldn't see that about himself. (Beat) But, obviously there was something that he just......And the real reason I said he was a prick, sorry father, but the reason I think that, and the reason I said he was selfish is because, he could have spoken to me about anything, and I mean anything, I mean, some of the conversations we used to have, wow, if anyone else was ever to over hear them, then, well, but, why didn't he? (Becomes very emotional, close to tears) Why didn't he ever say, hey, mate, I'm not feeling too good today, I feel a bit down, or, I'm going through something at the moment, or, anything! He could have told me anything! I was his best friend! (Beat) I'm still his best friend. (Beat) But now I'm the one left missing him. (Sniggers) Destined to be some, obese, single pizza eating, lonely film goer, non-lifting idiot. I don't know. Maybe he's looking down at me right now, laughing his head off. Probably thinking, if this was the other way round, he'd be giving the best speech in the world right now, instead of..........Or maybe I'm the one being selfish. Because I'm not the only one that's lost a good man. A friend. A brother. (Beat) Maybe I'm the prick because I don't realise just how lucky I've got it, and I clearly didn't realise that it wasn't always so easy for Jamie, being this perfect person I thought he was. (Beat) But he wasn't. (Beat) But that's OK, because none of us are. (Beat) And whatever Jamie's reasons were, for doing, what he did. We have to, we have to forgive him, and remember, you know, it's nothing personal, it's not, it's just......No one can ever possibly know what another persons going through, regardless of......so let's, let's just.....Try to be a little more open, with ourselves, and others, even if, you know, you end up looking like a complete idiot in church in front of a load of people. So, (Beat) to the point, my name is Sean, and today I am very, very sad, and a little angry, to have lost someone who meant, meant more than words to me. Someone who I will hold forever in my heart, and thoughts. Someone who will never, ever, be replaced. (Beat, sniggers) And I can hear his voice in my head right now, saying, “Man, that's gay”, (Laughs to himself and then realises once more where he is) Sorry.

(Blackout)