The Lost And Found.

THE LOST AND FOUND 

By Darrel Draper. 

Synopsis:  What causes perfectly innocent children to become not so? What methods can we apply in order to reform those who have become troublesome in their ways? When a group of young offenders are sent to clear up the aftermath of a kids party, they are sent on a trip down memory lane. 

(Lights up. Church community hall. Three young offenders are clearing up the mess left over from a children’s party. Dillon has a bin bag in hand and is moving between tables clearing them of any rubbish, occasionally glancing over at Rosa. Henry is sat cross legged on the floor as he sits and scrapes at some stubborn trodden in chewing gum. Rosa has a mop in hand and is mopping the floor. All three carry out their duties with little enthusiasm. There is silence between them until Dillon comes across a party blower. He puts it in his mouth and gives it a furious blow. The sound slightly startles the other two, Dillon laughs, Rosa is not amused by him and immediately turns away, Dillon looks deflated by this) 

HENRY:  (Well spoken) You do realise that's been in someone else’s mouth. (Dillon immediately spits it out and into his bin bag, Henry chuckles and then continues  scrapping at the chewing gum frustratingly)  Flipping chewing gum. 

DILLON:  (Laughs) Flipping? Is that just you being wary of your surroundings like? 

HENRY:  (In jest) No, it's f*****g not. (Looks up paranoid) 

DILLON:  (Sniggers) Owwww. (Coming across a bowel of wotsits, inspects them before offering them out) Wotsit? 

(Henry shakes his head and gives both Dillon and the wotsits a look of  disgust, Rosa turns around confused, not initially seeing what Dillon is holding)

ROSA:  Huh? Oh. No thanks. (Dillon scoffs a few before throwing them. In reference to his now yellow fingers) Better cover your tracks. 

DILLON:  (Licking his fingers, almost trying to be seductive doing it) Don't worry luv. I never leave prints.

ROSA:  How'd you end up here then? (Mocking of his tone of voice) Geeza! (Dillon has no comeback) 

HENRY:  (Loosing his patience with the gum) Argh! Heck! (Dillon laughs at his use of 'Heck'. Beat) What kind of lame a*s party was this anyway?

ROSA:  The kind that's held in some lame a*s church community hall. 

(They carry on with their work. Suddenly Dillon yelps in pain and starts clutching at his chest. The other two look worried and quickly gather around him) 

ROSA:  What's up! 

HENRY:  Are you OK? (No immediate response, Dillon looks in serious pain) I'll run and get Miss Saunders. (Goes to exit)

 DILLON:  No wait! It's alright. (Beat, recovers) Was just my soul burning. (Dillon bursts into laughter, Henry looks relieved and lets out a slight snigger, Rosa does not look amused at all and immediately gets back to work) 

HENRY:  Gosh. You had me there.

 DILLON:  Must have been some holy wotsits.

 ROSA:  (Rolls eyes and mutters) What a dick head. 

DILLON:  Ah C'mon! (Picks up a discarded party hat and places it on his head) Let's have our own, PAR-TAYYYYYYY! 

(A disgruntled pregnant Clare comes storming onto the stage) 

CLARE:  Shh! Take that hat off please.

 DILLON:  Argh! And here's the pooper. 

CLARE:  I said, hat, off! 

DILLON:  (Takes it off, mockingly like a child) Not fair! 

CLARE:  More work. Less messing about. 

ROSA:  (Muttering as she mops with exaggerated vigour) Work, work, work, work, 

work, work, work, see me, see me, work...... 

CLARE:  That also means quiet! (Rosa huffs) 

ROSA:  This is bullshit. 

CLARE:  What was that? (Pause) 

(Clare stands for a moment eagle eyeing them. There is silence. As she stands she clasps at her stomach, she seems to be in some discomfort. A young priest wheels a chair rack on)

 FATHER RICHARDSON:  If they could just stack the chairs up there. That'd be wicked.

 CLARE:  No problem. Thank you Father. 

FATHER RICHARDSON:  (Cringes slightly at being called father) I never get used to that. (Beat)  They're doing a good job. 

CLARE:  They should be doing it a lot faster.

FATHER RICHARDSON:  Well we don't need this space until half past........ 

CLARE:  (Receiving a phone call) Sorry I need to take this, could you just keep an eye on them for a minute?

FATHER RICHARDSON:  Course, but I'm sure they're...... 

CLARE:  (Answering the phone and exiting) Hello? 

(Henry turns his attention to stacking the chairs. Father R. is left in an awkward silence with them. He tries to break it)

FATHER R:  How you lot doing today?

DILLON:  Loving life. 

HENRY:  Yes, riveting. (Rosa just gives the father a smile. Another moment of awkward silence)

FATHE R:  Any of your friends, family come here? (The three look at each other blankly and then snigger simultaneously. Beat) We hold a lot of events throughout the year. Next week we have a talent show. Talent Slam we're calling it. Anyone's welcome to sign up and showcase their talent. Be cool if you came along. Winner gets a HMV voucher worth fifty quid. I might apply myself . (Laughs, self deprecating) Just need to find a talent. 

HENRY:  I used to play the cello, however, it has been awhile. 

FATHER R:  Wicked. Were you part of an orchestra or...... (Has his attention drawn away by Clare who while still on the phone gestures for him) 

CLARE:  Could I borrow you? (To the young offenders) I want to see this hall looking spotless by the time I get back. Alright?  And no messing about! I mean it! (She and Father R exit together)

 DILLON:  I feel sorry for her child. Poor bugger. Doesn't know it's mother is a descendant of Hitler. (Beat. Henry laughs to himself) What? 

HENRY:  They will find out when they reach the age of, NINE! (Nazi salute. Dillon laughs) 

ROSA:  Oh god. (Realising she's cursed in church, covers her mouth mockingly in a shocked manner) Whoops.

HENRY:  I thought any second now we're going to get the, “It's not too late to change your life’s for the better”, rubbish.

 DILLON:  Yeah. They rope you in with HMV vouchers and the next thing you know, you're singing that Charlotte Church song in some choir init, like you've just had your bollocks cut off. 

ROSA:  (Beat) He seemed alright though. 

DILLON:  You just saying that because you fancy him? 

ROSA:  What! No! What makes you think that? 

DILLON:  Well, you know, because he's young, and.... (Stops himself) 

ROSA:  And what? And what! (Pause, mutters) Ignorant idiot. 

HENRY:  (Beat. Mutters)  Sexual tension much.

 DILLON:  So, Henry, The cello ay, very swanky.

 HENRY:  Yes, however not my instrument of choice.

 DILLON:  Pushy parents? 

HENRY:  Understatement much. 

DILLON:  (As he's speaking he comes across a teddy bear hidden under some rubbish, without thinking or acknowledging the item he picks it up and throws it in his bin bag)  You know I think sometimes what I'd be like if I had parents who were....... 

ROSA:  (Catching a glimpse of the bear) What was that? 

DILLON:  Ay? 

ROSA:  What you just threw away? 

DILLON:  (Looks in the bag. Flippantly) Oh. A teddy. 

ROSA:  Take it out then idiot! 

DILLON:  Chill! It aint yours! 

ROSA:  No! But it's someone else’s. 

DILLON:  They wouldn't have left it behind if they cared that much about it. Trust me.

 ROSA:  Not always. Kids forget. Give it here! 

DILLON:  (Taking it back out of the bag) Why you getting, 'bear' mad. (Throws it at her. Rosa catches it and looks down at it in contemplation. Beat) So what you gonna name it? 

HENRY:  Cyril! 

DILLON:  (Laughs) 'Cyril'. Nah, names got to begin with a T. Alliteration init.

 HENRY:  OK. Ted.

 DILLON:  No points there for originality. 

HENRY:  OK...Gosh......Tyrone! 

ROSA:  I used to have one called Tabitha. Looked a lot like this. 

DILLON:  I had a cardboard box which I used to pretend was a space ship. I'd climb in it every night, look up at the moon and imagine I was flying away, from all the.....And because I loved cheese. Really hoped the stories were true. 

HENRY:  (Beat) I was only ever allowed to play with things that would stimulate my brain. And here I am. 

DILLION:  (Sniggers) With the elite of society. (Beat) So what happened to Tabitha? 

ROSA:  Got pissed off one day. Threw her out. Ever since, it's like, I've had s****y luck. 

DILLON:  It was my mum that threw my box out, said I needed to wake up and that I was never going to....... (Clare suddenly reappears with Father R, Rosa instinctively hides the teddy behind her back)

 CLARE:  What are you doing just standing around? (Dillon and Henry spring back into action, while Rosa looks awkward as she is trying to conceal the teddy) What have you got there? (Rosa plays dumb, looking around her)  Behind your back. 

ROSA:  I just like standing like this. It's good for posture, creates a perfect alignment of the..... 

CLARE:  (Marches towards her) I swear if you've got any drugs on you or...... (Rosa reveals the teddy with a smug grin)

FATHER R:  I think that may be Daisy's. (Rosa hands it to him) Thank you. 

CLARE:  What was you planning on doing with it?

 ROSA:  Oh you know. Burning it and performing some sort of satanic dance. Stuffing it with the mountain of drugs I apparently have. (Laughs) What else did you think it was? A knife? A gun? A baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, which I somehow managed to smuggle in up my......... 

CLARE:  Enough! That attitude is what got you here in the first place. (Grasps at her stomach even more, looks further in pain)  I'm going to give you lot another three minutes, and if this place isn't spotless by then, the time you've wasted will be added onto your community service. (General grunt from young offenders)  So I suggest you stop groaning and get on.......

 FATHER R:  Sorry Claire, could I just um, just have a quick word, if that's OK. Thank you. (Standing further back ushering her over) 

CLARE:  Three minutes. I mean it. (Joining YP further down stage) 

HENRY:  (Whispers to the others) I believe those pregnancy hormones are playing up. 

ROSA:  B***h hormones more like. 

FATHER R:  err, obviously I know your job is to reform, and....I know that must be quite difficult........ 

CLARE:  Most of them, with some exceptions, come from backgrounds where discipline and routine are scarce. So they need that level of regimentation in their life’s. I've seen what comes of the soft approach. 

FATHER R:  I just think, sometimes you need to be able to trust, trust that they'll make the right choice, instead of constantly thinking they're going to do the wrong thing, because without giving them........ 

CLARE:  (Becomes very emotion, almost holding back tears) Look, I tell you what, you stick to your job, I'll stick to mine. (Walks away, tries to compose herself) Right guys! listen up! You've got, you've got..... (Starts to get heavy contractions. Is very much in pain) 

DILLON:  (Looks genuinely concerned) Are you alright? (Beat) Wait, hold on. Is this a 

prank? 

ROSA:  Not everything's a joke moron! Miss Saunders?

 FATHE R:  (Hurriedly walks over) Are you ok? (Clare yells in pain and falls to her knees) 

DILLON:  Yeah that's not a good sign. (They all closely gather around her. ROSA takes one of her hands, Henry takes the other) 

FATHE R:  I'll phone for an ambulance. (Quickly runs off) 

CLARE:  No! No! I'm OK. Just leave me and finish tidying..... (Yells again)

 ROSA:  Just breathe and squeeze down on my hand. (Clare does so. Rosa looks quite comfortable, where's Henry looks in pain as the pressure is applied. Dillon laughs) 

DILLON:  Ay. This could be the second coming. 

HENRY:  Stop. I already feel like we're going to be struck by lightning. 

DILLON:  That a Misfits joke, or a god joke? (They all laugh, even Clare lets out a snigger in amongst the pain)

 ROSA:  Deep breaths now, in, and out. 

HENRY:  Yes, everything is going to be fine. 

DILLON:  Do you want me to phone the dad or something? Let him know.

 CLARE:  Pah! He couldn't care less! Waste of space! (Yells in pain, even louder) 

HENRY:  Getting yourself worked up will not help. 

ROSA:  Yeah relax. Lay down. (Lowering her to the ground) 

CLARE:  (Mutters) Bloody b*****d, doing this to me. F*****g off. 

DILLON:  (Handing Rosa something to use as a pillow) Here. Use that. (Beat) Sounds like my dad. He fucked off too. (Crouches down beside her, she screams again) Just go to your happy place. Wherever that is. That's what I do when s**t gets too much. 

ROSA:  Planet cheese? 

DILLON:  You know it. 

CLARE:  Cheese gives me migraines. 

DILLON:  Yeah but, better than this pain, surely. (Clare lets out another snigger) 

FATHER R:  (Runs back on) They're on their way. 

HENRY:  How about we all take a trip to planet ice cream? 

CLARE:  We could go up in a 'Rocket'. (Chuckles to herself, others fail to see the joke) No? Never had a Rocket Ice lolly? (The joke sinks in with a collective 'Ohhhhhhhh', followed by some laughter) 

ROSA:  That was my favourite sound as a kid. The ice cream van coming down the road. 

HENRY:  You know I only tried ice cream about two years ago. 

ROSA:  What! 

DILLON:  You serious? 

HENRY:  Yes. I never had it growing up. They thought it would give me ADHD. 

DILLON:  Man, I thought I had it bad, but, straight up, your parents are real monsters. Legit. Miss, just promise us, that you'll let this kid have ice cream.

 CLARE:  Of course. I'm not completely evil. Despite what you all think. 

DILLON:  Right, well god is witness to that. So if you break your oath, he will smite you down.

 FATHER R:  He won't. (Dillon shoots him a look as if to say, 'Stay out of it') Sorry. 

DILLON:  (Beat) The ice cream man don't come down my way no more. 

ROSA: Why?

 DILLON:  (Shrugs) Probably thinks he'll get jacked. 

ROSA:  I aint ever heard of anyone robbing the ice cream man before. What's next? 

DILLON:  You tell us, bear burglar. (Gives her a cheeky wink)

 ROSA: (Towards the priest) I wasn't going to take it, I just wanted to......

 FATHER R:  It's OK. Don't worry about it. 

CLARE:  (The contractions seem to have stopped)  I think they've stopped. Yeah, they've stopped. Maybe you should cancel that ambulance. 

FATHER R:  Better to be on the safe side init. They can check you over when they get here. (Clare tries to get back to her feet, they all help her up)

 HENRY:  Easy does it. 

CLARE:  (To all) Thank you. (Rosa goes to pick her mop back up and Dillon grabs a bin bag) No, take five. (Sits down slightly away from them, the others relax).

 ROSA:  (To Dillon) Your stupidity actually came in handy there.

 DILLON:  (With a wink and cheeky grin) Cheers babe. (Rosa rolls her eyes at him, but is almost on the verge of cracking a smile) 

FATHER R:  (Sitting with Clare) For a moment there I was considering busting out the bible for tips, looking up how baby Jesus was delivered. 

CLARE:  (Laughs) Instead of three wise men we have.....Actually, they did alright. (Father R nods in agreement. Beat) Truth be told, I haven't been myself lately. Ever since I fell pregnant, it's like, I don't know, I'm scared. 

FATHER R:  That's only natural. 

CLARE:  But not, not as in, more like.......I fell like my job is far more important than it's ever been. I'm brining my own child into the world, so I've got to make sure it's filled with the right people. 

FATHER R:  What you need to remember is. Each one of them has a choice. Yeah, they can choose to do the wrong thing. But guess what, they can also choose to do the right thing. Believe me, there was once a time when I was sat over there (Gesturing to the young offenders). 

ROSA:  (Walks over to Clare) Would you mind if I quickly checked my phone? I want to make sure my little brother got home from school alright. 

CLARE:  There all in a box in the office, (Huffs) I'll have to go... (Goes to stand, but then second guesses herself) Actually, you can grab it. They're in a brown box, where the mail is usually kept. Under 'inbox'. 

ROSA:  OK. Thanks. (Smiles and exits)

 FATHER R:  (Gives Clare a smile, beat) I got some cake left over from yesterday, if you'd like some. 

CLARE:  That would be great. Thanks. 

FATHER R:  How about you guys? Cake? 

HENRY:  Depends. Are we going to have to sweep up the crumbs after? 

FATHER R:  (Laughs) I think I can handle a few crumbs. 

HENRY:  Alright then. Thank you. 

DILLON:  Yeah, cheers. (Father exits) Wahey! 

CLARE:  (Serious tone)  Although Dillon, if you're having some cake there's something you have to do first.

 DILLON:  (Huffs) What's that? 

CLARE:  You got to wear one of these. (Playfully throws him a party hat. Both him and Henry laugh)

 DILLON:  (Puts the hat on) PAR-TAYYYYYYY! (The sound of an ambulance approaching is heard) Argh! And there's the pooper. 

(Blackout) 

THE END. 

Author's Note

This play was based on the word 'Party' as stimulus and was staged as part of Faith Drama's Theatre Madness Festival 2016.