THE MYSTERY OF LONDON

What makes strangers strange?

THE MYSTERY OF LONDON

By

Darrel Draper

A coffee shop. Two couples are sat separately in conversation with their partner. One couple sitting at a table downstage left, one couple sitting at a table downstage right. There is another table that is placed upstage center, within equal distance between the two tables either side. Both couples are sat in the same positions, as if a mirrors reflection. Though there is a clear distinction between their body language. M1/F1 appear fairly relaxed and content in each others company, M2/F2 appear uptight and restless. M1/F1 are focussed on each other where's M2/F2 seem wrapped up in their own world.

This piece could be set immersively with the audience sat on the remaining tables surrounding the characters, as if they are part of the scenic enviroment, and have to just popped in for a cup of coffee.

(Actors note) A __ indicates an overlaps in dialogue, when a__ is seen the next character is to begin their next line and the script is to continue in the order it is written.

M2: (Typing away) I don't know why he was looking at me, I'm the only one who ever does anything, the rest of them just sit around and chat. I mean , you've seen what I'm like__ when I get home, you've seen the amount of hair on my pillow, its not easy.

M1: Mines not that hot. Is yours hot?

F1: Yeah.

M1: Oh. Mines just warm.

F2: Sorry?

M2: I'm actually thinking of quiting soon anyway__, fed up. Too much work for what its worth.

F1: Say something then.

M1: No.

F1: __Why not?

F2: I never said it was easy.

M1: __I don't want to be a nuiscance.

M2: I know. I'm just saying.

F2: __I work hard too

F1: You paid for a hot drink.

M1: __I don't understand how yours is hot and mine isn't.

M2: I never said you didn't.

F2: I only get in an hour earlier than you.

F1: __Maybe you're mouth is less receptical to temperature.

M2: Alright! Its not a competition!

M1: __I don't think so.

F2: Well, sometimes you forget

M2: __Forget what?

F1: Then I don't know why. Just say something.

M1: __Too late now. Drank most of it.

F2: Oh lets not start this now.

M1: Cant function __without a good Coffee in the morning.

M2: Start what? I'm not starting anything.

F1: __Then stop complaining. Ow remind me later I need to give Sarah a call.

F2: I just want to relax.

M2: __What do you think I want to do?

M1: (Shocked) Sarah? Why do you need to phone her?

F1: Because she said the other day about getting cheap tickets to Wicked.

M1: Oh that's old.__ Wait a second....

F2: Lets just sit in silence for a moment.

M2: As you wish. (Moment of brief silence interrupted by M2 beginning to type abruptly on his laptop again, F2 huffs)

F1: Have you seen it?

M1: No__.Hold on....

F1: Then its new to us.

M1: I've heard War Horse is good.

F1: __That's still like fifty pound a ticket.

M2: I may start acting like the rest of them, __taking longer breaks, if they can get away with it....

M1: Fifty pound!

F1: Shhh! Exactly.

M1: Blimey. __But when did you see Sarah?

F2: Alan please. Cant you just leave it alone for a minute?

M2: __(Huffs) Alright, alright. (M2 shuts his laptop with anger)

F1: Wicke'ds supposed to be really good. You know its based on the Wizard of OZ.

M1: Haven't you seen that like a hundred times?

F1: Its different, its a musical.

M1: So was the other one!

F1: __Its on stage! We never go to the theatre.

F2: I'm sorry, its just.....I think I have a migrane coming on.

M1: __We saw that Les Mis bullocks.

M2: Would you like a tablet?__ I have some.

F1: That was at the cinema, __ its not the same.

F2: No its ok.

M2: It will help.

M1: __Ok, whatever, give her a ring.

F2: Just not at the moment.

M2: Best nip it in the bud.

F1: __You have to remind me though.

F2: I haven't got any water.

M2: You haven't drank__your Coffee already have you?

M1: Yeah that's if I remember. __What happened to that diary I bought you?

F2: You know I can only take tablets with water.

F1: That was 2012!

M2: __Then I'll get you some.

M1: Ow. When did you see Sarah then? __Didn't realise you two were still in touch.

F2: I don't want a tablet Alan, just.....I'm sure it will pass.

F1: We're not, I bumped into her the other day__ coming out the hair dressers.

M2: Just trying to help.

F2: I know.

M1: I thought you did something with your hair, I was gonna say.....

M2: __You always say I don't consider you enough.

F1: I haven't done anything with it. She came out of the hair dressers, __ I was just passing, I literally bumped into her. (Laughs to herself)

F2: There you go again! I never said.....

M2: You implied it then.

M1: __Ow. How is she?

F2: Are you determined for us to have an argument?

F1: Same as always it seemed.

M2: __What are you on about? I never mentioned an argument woman.

M1: Ah. And Michael, how's he doing?

F2: lets just have a quiet cup of Coffee. __Yeah?

F1: She never mentioned him.

M1: __You didn't ask?

M2: We could have had one of them at home.

F1: You could always give him a text__ if you're THAT worried.

F2: God must life be so dull.

M1: __Be awkward.

M2: What you don't think I get bored too?__Same thing, day in, day out. Do you think this is how I imagined life? Do you think I actually enjoy doing this?

F1: No. Why would it?

M1: Just would. I mean, what would I say? After.....well....

F2: All you again Isn't it! You! You! You!

F1: __Hello perhaps. Or Hi. Simple.

M2: Like I don't listen to YOU enough! You with those bloody migranes!

M1: __But If I just text him out the blue he's going to think I want something.

F2: I wonder why!

M2: __Yeah because everythings always MY fault Isn't it! God! (Rubbing his head) I've got one now!

F1: No he wont. Why would he?

M1: well, the only reason you mentioned ringing Sarah.....

F2: __Why can't we just sit and talk normally, like that couple over there.

F1: She changed her number, she's just given me the new one. Forgot to text it to me.

(A vagrant enters and draws the eye line of the two couples, he appears immediately out of place. He begins to strangely assemble pieces of paper, placing a stack of envelopes on the table to one side, followed by a stack of plain paper to the other)

M2: __Its you who wanted to sit in silence.

M1: Right. Yeah. Sure. How did you_ get onto the subject of Wicked anyway?

F2: I just don't want to talk about work anymore. I'm sick of it.

M2: __I'm sick of it! Sick to death of it! But I need, WE, need money.

F1: Just general conversation. Said she had seen it, knew someone who could __get the tickets cheap, and well, that was it basically. (Mutters) Christ, those two are going at it.

F2: You let me decide what I want!

M2: What are you even on about? I don't know anymore. (M2 snaps his laptop back up)

M1: She mention the new home? Must live fairly local still then. __ Ay?

F2: (Looking over at the Vagrant discretely) Great.

M2: __What! You know I need to get this done!

F1: They had to downsize, only reason they moved. __You think too much.

F2: No. Another tramp.__(Look of disgust) The smell. (M2 goes to turn) Don't make it obvious.

M1: I don't think so.

F1: Just contradicted yourself there. (Laughs to herself)

M2: I hadn't even noticed.

(Once the vagrant has settled he begins a mechanical process of writing a short message on an A4 piece of paper, folding it four times and placing it into a blank envelope, which he seals and lays to one side of the table away from the other blank envelopes and paper, he repeats this action over and over with speed, as if in a rush to get a job done. His writing appears as if meaningless scribble)

F2: __No, you wouldn't.

F1: Don't stare.

M1: __(Captivated by the Vagrant) I'm not.

M2: Speaking in riddles again.

F1: Probably just wants to get out the cold. Nothing wrong with that.

M1: Yeah. I do feel sorry for some of them.

F2: __Surely the staff will say something.

F1: Does make you wonder. Stop looking.

M1: I'm not, I'm just, so you think I should text Michael?__ Probably got a new number.

M2: Maybe he'll buy something. All that change has got to go somewhere.

F1: __Up to you. But as you said, you two were never really that close.

F2: Yeah I don't think its here. Of all places.

M1: Nor were you and Sarah. Still surprised she gave you her number.

F1: We spoke quite a bit. More than you and Michael.

M1: Did you?

F1: Yes! But nothing about you know what, so STOP worrying.

M1: Well it was you who said we needed to be more neighbourly.

M2: (Referring to the vagrant) __There must be something more they can do. Don't care what anyone says. You don't just end up like that.

F1: We lived next door to them, we couldn't just avoid each other. Could we?

F2: __Obviously hates work more than we do.

M1: No, no, of course not. What's he doing?

F1: __Stop looking.

M2: That's the only reason I don't quit.__Seeing people like that. Makes you realise.

M1: No but, what's he doing?

F1: Writing something. We actually had a lot in common as it turned out. Me and Sarah.

M1: Then why not try and get in touch sooner? Bit strange don't you think. Do you think they might have reconsidered? Thought about it.

F1: Doubt it. They were always very....you know, that type.

M1: __Can you see what he's writing?

F2: He's got a lot of envelopes.

M2: __I wonder why. Who's he got to write to? (Sniggers) Job applications maybe.

F1: No. Stop it.

F2: __Doesn't look like he can write from here. Like childs writing.

M1: I can't help it, I'm curious.

M2: Starting to explain things then.

F2: __I bet you'd write like that if you didn't have that bleeding thing to rely on, In fact I think you've touched that more than me this past year.

F1: He's writing a letter, nothing unusual.

M2: At least microsoft word doesn't shut down every time I go to touch it.

M1: __Not just one. He's got all that paper. God.

F2: F**K OFF!

M2: I WAS JOKING!

F1: (Directed towards the arguing couple) I can see the staff are going to say something in a minute.

M1: __(Looking over at the Vagrant again) Maybe he's foreign, that writing doesn't look English to me.

F2: WERE YOU!

M2: YES!

F1: Perhaps he's trying to teach himself.

M1: But it looks like he's writing the same thing over and over. Just looks like scribble.

F2: (Startled by the vagrant making eye contact) S**t, he's looking at me.

Vagrant: Er, er, ex, ex-cuse, me, ta, te, time?

F2: Oh. Its quarter past twelve. (Vagrant turns away) __How rude. Not even a thank you.

F1: Perhaps he's, you know, a little different.

M1: Backwards you mean.

F1: __Shhh!

M2: He's obviously illiterate.

F2: __Something else you have in common. (Awkward silence)

M1: What?

F1: You can't say that.

M1: But that's what you meant. I really wonder what he's writing,__ and to who. He's just writing the same thing and putting it in another blank envelope.

M2: Oh sorry, was I supposed to laugh then?

F2: You really are boring aren't you. Think I need to be drunk more often. Or you.

F1: __Why don't you go over and ask him what he's doing?

M2: Well you could always go and sit with him. Looks like__ he's got plenty to say. Probably think he smells better too.

M1: I can't do that.

F1: Why? Coz (Mocking tone) 'it'll be awkward'.

F2: __Oi! I'm the one that bought you that aftershave. Ungrateful.....

M1: It will!

F1: Yeah OK. Perhaps you're right there.

M2: Only because you like the smell of it more than me!

F2: What! Could you be anymore petty?__ Listen to yourself.

M1: (Pause. Lowers his tone of voice) Look be honest, do you think they moved __because..... you know.....they wasn't comfortable with, you know......the swinging.

M2: Me! You're the pettiest person I know!

F2: Bullocks! Your mothers still alive isn't she!

F1: __No, SHH! we're not the weird ones.

M2: That's an evil thing to say! You're an evil woman!

(The member of staff passes the arguing couple and approaches the vagrant, to the surprise and outrage of the other couple)

Staff: (To the Vagrant) Sorry sir, you need to order something.

F2: Stop calling me women! (Beat) Thank god, they've decided to do something.

Vagrant: Er, um, wa, wa-ter.

Staff: You can't just have water im afraid.

M1: No way.

F1: __He's not the one causing the disturbance. Surely they should tell the others to shut up first.

F2: Why don't we just stop this facade? Finally put an end to it.

M2: Facade?

Vagrant: (Nods) Wa-ter.

Staff: No sorry, no water.

F2: __We obviously hate each other. Its easier just to admit it.

M1: That's a bit unfair in't it. They clearly have water. Coffee here's not that special.

M2: I wish we didn't. I really do. I've tried, I have, but,__ I don't know. It seems like a chore.

M1: That's a basic human need. I mean water not coffee.__ I'm still tired. Hasn't really helped.

F2: We haven't always. Hated each other. Have we?

Staff: __These seats are for paying customers. Not my policy. Its what we're told by management.

M2: I don't think so. Maybe the love will come back. If we wait.

F2: __I'm tired of waiting. We've spent years. Its just a circle, exactly like this wedding ring.

M1: Crap. That's crap!

F1: We won't be able to breath without permission soon.

Vagrant: ta, te, time? Per-Please?

Staff: I'm sorry__you'll have to do that else where.

M1: Shall I give him a couple of quid? Then I can see what he's actually writing.

M2: Maybe this is it. Maybe this is all there is. Maybe we should just stop looking.

F2: There has to be more. Don't think I can do this every day.__ This won't save us.

F1: Why are you so interested?

M1: Because its not normal. Why would anyone read a random letter that's not even addressed to them? Makes no sense to me.

The couples and staff pause for silence and then stand in neutral form and exit, leaving the vagrant sat continuing his work for a minute or more, before coming to a gradual stop, the vagrant will then look up directly at the audience and make eye contact. He will then approach them with the letters he has been writing and offer them to those that are accepting. After distributing the letters he will return to the table, pack up the rest of his belongings and exit in the same fashion as the others. The letters that have been given out will read upon opening; 'Sorry if you came looking for an end, I can only offer a beginning'.