Dances with Light

Dance of the passions

18 years of marriage … is not a very long time … but the ex-wife had brought to my attention … the specific nuances of the passions … that expresses itself best as dance. Its the most appropriate way to view … man's physical activity. Too often we attempt to convert the expression of the passion to speech … but it never quite catches the true intimation of the expression inherent in the emotions. I continue to refine … the many aspects … of feminine action … in their conversion … to dance … and present below some samples.

We had been courting for about a year … during which she did the waltz. It was to me the perfect expression … of speech … activity … intention … and understanding … rolled into a harmony of communication … between two people who are a matching pair. It was like ping-pong sometimes … when we traded likes … dislikes … expectations … hopes … and our plans for the future. We had waltzed all the way to the altar … where the abrupt incantation of mantras by the priest … in front of the holy fire … brought our dance … to a stop … and to begin a new one.

I guess for some years … into the marriage … it was basically the … matador's flamenco. Arms raised … legs stiff … with the charging of the bull … let free from its pen … and into the ring of relations. The lights flashed all around us … in a spray of stars from the heavens … as the matador … twisted and turned … causing the bull to get even more stirred. It heaved and pushed itself … with every last strength in its body … and then to die in the hands of the matador … in a final embrace. It may have been the best part of the marriage.

The baby arrived about a year into the marriage … and we did Spock. I suppose its a dance … maybe yet to be discovered … but it was mostly about … referring to Dr. Spock's book … as to the puzzles the baby brought to us. Then off to the clinic … for the jab … the check-up … the weigh-in … and the bonjela slurps … for the teething problems. Jumping out of bed at 2.00 am … at the sound of her cries … and the hours spent with toys and play gadgets. The children's dept at the store … danced with us … as we shopped for clothes every 3 months … for the growing infant.

My career was starting to take off … and I began the … one horse dance of excuses. Its like a jig … and it takes a lot of hoofing around … and not let any issue … settle into a real complaint. Late at the office … the weekly night out with the guys … drunkenness … working at home … forgetting her birthday … made the list … and then there were the little ones … like forgetting the sauce at the grocer's. Unlike the others … the one horse dance continued throughout the marriage … pausing only when an unfortunate relative passed on … and we had to attend the funeral.

By then … she had invented one or two of her own … and brought that into centre stage in the marriage. There was the fan dance … that she hustled and flustered to draw my attention to issues. It conveyed the sense of being hot … angry even … that she swayed like a fan … in front of me … and raised an expectation of my responses. Sometimes the breezes from the fan … would knock me off my feet … and caused me to stare into emptiness … like waiting for a train that's late. It would come and go in the marriage … like a typhoon in the tropics.

Her best was yet to come. It's a darling of a dance … called the Thillana … taken from the repertoire of the classical Baratanatyam dances. They teach these in dance schools. Its a dance of the anxieties … nothing in particular … but including everything. Its speech that conveys no meaning … concerns that are past their usefulness … love that has disappeared … and complaints of promises unfulfilled. Its done with eye movements … a grace that balances good and evil … an expression of patience and forgiving … and the losses experienced of youth given way to time. Its done with some heart rending melancholy.

All these finally gave way … to the spade dance. That's from … ' calling a spade a spade.' I think it began … when psychologists suggested you can talk things out … air your differences … understand each other and so forth. We had tried it out … but I thought it was simply a variation of the Thillana. Its like tilling the land … turning it over … to look at it another way. I'm not sure you can do that in an on-going relations .. but I'm on my own now … and its works fine. But only if we … separate the themes in speech from the passions … and work it under different guidelines.

Curiously I didn't get to try the barn dance … while I was in the marriage. The way that its done in a group of dancers … and switching partners … while the pitchforks hang from the barn walls … and the dung lays on the ground. It makes for an all encompassing view of life and marriage … like a summary of what its been about … but I wish I could relate to it better. Perhaps it refers to many lives … in a world that's grown old with experience … but the fiddle makes for a great tune. Improvisation perhaps?

Reason inspires for speech in a manner that is not consistent with the expression of the passions … and those of us who think they can convert passion to direct speech … like a day at the psychotherapists' chair … cannot be more wrong. Life expresses itself in reason and dance … and no amount of trying to substitute each other … to make more sense … improves it in any way. Quite often we find that we have to apply our reason better … even if that means going back to view the dance we lived as life … again.

I seem to recall my madcap teenage years … and the use of … summary themes … in respect of passions. It was no more than a dance for each situation. A visit to the principal's office … was to ' circle the wagons.' To be stopped by the traffic police was … ' to wear the armor of normally good ' … or to visit your grandpa was … ' a day at heaven's gate.' But we do not suffer or experience something … in a manner that's bland and without emotional response. That's a skinned hide … left to dry in the sun.  

Reviews

[Cole Hayley]

I never saw anyone use an ellipsis as masterfully as you friend

[Dayran]

thks friend. How r u doin?