Bird Brain

Its an unfortunate description … of a man who gets easily confused and the dictionary says … incapable of serious thought. Few come this far … into the realm of the psyche to visit with him … for the path is full of mishaps and distortions. Yet in getting there … on the basis of the proper engagement of a rational mind … a man discovers someone … who is in love with life. Not content with simply experiencing life … he is the experience itself. He is the flavor of guavas … the light on the canvas of a painting … the touch on the thighs … and the musical melody of song. Such a man is probably an idiot … or the great mother of us all.

The manner of the experience is not hard to determine. We are all … at times clamped on our expression of the sexual energies … and it retreats to a place in the body … where it muses on its quality of creative propensities. Its like kids whose … sexual energies are not yet developed … and are carried away by the force of the sexual potency within … in the way it relates to the mind of its possibilities. Psychological theory rushes to the event … with suggestions for the need of a drive … to create achievements.

Indic ascetics … viewed the experience as a noble dream … and saw the need to guide the experience … for a realization of the nature of the self. In doing so … they encountered a dark mass of emptiness … not unlike what scientists refer to as dark matter. Our stories of yore … are somewhat helpful … and the legend of the … Nyx … goddess of the night … finds a place in human insight … as the unexpressed experience of sex … waiting for the right man … to come to it … and lead her into life … without at the same time … making a possession of her qualities.

I've had such contacts with … Tamil folk … whose unusually dark complexion … induces a sense of dream in my mind … and in pursuing the matter ... I came to the experience of Africans … whose life experience … became of interest to my inquiries. Its still the same reservoir of sexual energies … which has not found an expression. And for a man … in a fair complexion … it conjures a magical experience of possibilities … in his own reservoir of clamped … unexpressed sexuality. It ought to be a wonderful union … and may be at the base of the same sex phenomenon … in these times.

In my view … its the epitome … of passions … expressed subtly … that transfers all manner of knowing and knowledge … to its partner in their relations. We see it sometimes … in the relations between man and woman … where the man represents himself as the … informed man-of-the-world … and the woman … is the bird of paradise … flying in the realm of the thoughts he creates in her. Its a life lived … as individuals and lovers … in the context of the world experience … as we know it. Its the hallmark of the community … that it engenders.

I caught … glimpses of its special qualities … in the legend of … Jason and the Argonauts. His father had passed on … and he had lost his role model … causing his sexual energies to be withdrawn. In travelling to a distant shore … he encounters strange customs and laws … in a land … that possibly represents … the definition of the tribal ways of life. He meets a gal there … the daughter of the chief … whose fascination with Jason's beauty … and adroit manner … energized her own waiting impulses … and came to view him as her natural partner in life.

Its a partnership like no other. She's the earth … its salts … streams … mountains … sounds and sight and he … the sky … stars … the light of being … that made the early promises to life … of the joys of the living. The notion had a tremendous impact on me … and I found my tissues and mind … responding to the suggestions … like it was the grand design of creation. Indics refer to it as the dance of Siva with his consort Sakthi … the love that unites us all … in purpose and organization of the human personality. I was astounded by it … and had to maintain a grip on my rationality … to ensure that … I don't sail into paradise myself … but simply make notes on the thesis.

Closer to earth … my view came to rest on the bird singing outside my window … and my thoughts slided to the slow loris on trees … the koala on the eucalyptus … and the dogs in my neighbor's compound. Stored sexual energies … that respond to the beckoning call of life … as expressed in our understanding … and knowledge. And the man … is the grand conductor of the ensemble … filling its dreams … with the achievements of survival … the future of possibilities … and the nature of the relation between the two of them … that's like a script written in the stars.

As I recall … my ex-wife would not have any of that. We stayed … in close association with our individual dreams … and it was inevitable … that we got separated … to pursue our own interests. In retrospect … my family life … feels like two people … who sailed into each other's association … for the weekly grocery … at dinner … TV … and the occasional outing. But why wasn't that enough? Or is that an indelicate question? It certainly brings me … today to view it in my individual unharassed experience … as perfectly normal.

No doubt … its the … foul dust that floats in the wake of our dreams … as Fitzgerald suggested in … Gatsby. And sometimes … our dreams of the paradise … run ahead of us … like the husband who liked to f**k … and thought she affirmed … the regular stimulation in their lives … as entirely normal and appropriate. Too much … too fast sometimes … the way the passions … and its wild … impulsive qualities … dash at something … and must have it. We are after all … continuing to understand the relations … and are often practicing at … a paced and regulated affair of the heart.

Out in the world … a same sex relations … that avoids the foul dust of sodomy … has much to offer … to the way … a man comes to discover himself again … in creation's view of himself. It is the earth and sky … of the world … and in man … the intelligence and its passions. Its not bird brain … to find the point of balance and stability … in that experience between two people. Its the very ambition of life … that seeks to unite the man with human society … and to realize the dream.