The Sic Hau

Coconut chutney is normally eaten with thosai. But I've begun a habit of eating it with my dinner. It just happened. And right there … I noticed a pick up in the flavor of the food. It occurred to me then … that as we undergo some great changes in our perspectives on issues … it is accompanied by a change to other habits … such as food flavors … scents … color orientation … and such. It is virtually a mutation in our tastes.

 

In much the same way … I've engaged the naming convention … to rename some experiences … that are of greater relevance to me today … than before. Like substituting the word  bullfling  for magic. The word … Vachauboo … is derived from the root words … ' valid ' … ' chauvinism ' … and ' boo.'  It has a curious base of thinking history on my part … and I've finally come to name it for what it is.

 

Its the story of the sexual impulses. Simply put … its what I observed about my own … in my teen years … and how I've tried my best to rehabilitate it … according to social norms … but I can't. From my adolescent years … I've noticed how my sexual impulses … rose to project itself on someone else … others … or the world around me. However … like the boomerang of the bullfling … it never really rested with these others … but curved back to me. That is of course … simply a matter of chauvinism.

 

Aside from the usual self critiques … arising from an emphasis on self integrity … I've therefore always suffered … the ignominy of being less than true in love … less than trusting in faith … and less than dependable in social experiences. Its been a burden of relationships … yoked liked bulls carrying a cart … onto my person. And so … on one dark and stormy night … I pulled all the stops … stopped the excuses … and told myself … to stop hoofing around the issue … and to leave no stone unturned … in the quest for the true in my impulses. I found that it is physiologically impossible in the human condition … and I'll make that statement to the great maker … on my death bed.

 

And so I stopped trying … and decided I'll give it a name. I'm calling it a valid human impulse … not a deviation of social or religious doctrine. It is chauvinism … but it relates to a being that it projects itself to … like the man who tossed the boomerang … who presents himself as my alter ego … the ideal …  or what I've come to discover as a potential future specie.  I call that the … Vachauboo. He is categorically not a God … but he provides a term of reference for the … itself … as creation … world … universe … etc.

 

He is both a personal and impersonal aspect … of creation. And I relate to him … as his partner … in my perceived experiences of life … form opinions … take sides … and bring a support to issues. I seem to encounter the suggestion … that Cro-magnon … related to him in a neutral way … Neolithic man … as friend and benefactor. But as we moved into the iron age … it became a contest of wills between … the Vachauboo … and man. Today we are discovering a new way to relate that's founded … on a shared understanding of issues.

 

I'm certain the principle applies in much the same way with women. Their iconic experience of the self … is something I've named the … Sivaboo. That's derived from the root words … sexual impulse … valid … and boo. In an ideal situation … I expect that the two would merge in a common experience … as the … Sic Hau. In such a merge … I expect that … the male and female principles … will combine in one being … manifested in the body … as the birth of the future specie.

I added the … boo factor … as a continuation of the test of wills … but in the union … I've left it out for obvious reasons. It brings me to the curious notion … that in the constitution of the man … one part of his sexual impulses … are primed for siding with the other side. That in my observation … is the constant need for … me and the other … man and world … being and universe. And we note that … it is sometimes friend and sometimes foe … but it serves its purpose … to eventually come to terms with each other … and unite someday.

 

As a man … I've come to place a great significance … on my sexual impulses. And it is no exaggeration to say … there have been occasions … when it may have saved my life … by the workings of my vanity … will … self interest … and so forth. Certainly I've come to a new regard for its quality of desirous expression … in my disposition. However … I manage it in some way … without adopting an attitude of dismissal about its stigma of taboo … in a civil society. And I do that in the privacy of my room.

 

I'm working at managing my attitude of denial … in public … when a comment or action I undertake … is viewed as carrying a sexual overtone. Just yesterday … the lady at the restaurant … who is normally reticent in her manner … greeted me with a smile and eye contact … that I thought was entirely normal … given my affable … manner of greeting and social manner. I think it had the effect of reminding me … of my Cro-Magnon impulses … and brought itself … quite nicely to examine issues of the Sic Hau.

 

For such is the Sic Hau. It occupies a part of our view of the world around us … and informs us that its there … in the design of cars … the facade of skyscrapers … clothes worn … grooming … body language … the girl in the cafe. Sometimes it persuades us that we can simply walk up to someone to say hello. And then on other occasions … it persuades us to sit back … and not be too forward … where such a forwardness … reminds us … that its about the Sic Hau in the future. Boo … boo … boomerang!