Sugar Loaf Hill

The Wisdom of Abner Day Series - IV

The night had spread itself like a blanket over the entire landscape. Abner sat close to the fire. The contrast of the warmth from the fire and the cold of the night was having an effect on him. It produced a separation of his qualities of mind versus the passion. He finished dinner … gulped on the hot coffee and rolled a cigarette.

 

He took out the harmonica from the bag in the tent … and played some improvisations on it. In the cold air … the vibrating sounds … produced an eerie loneliness … that reached far into his psyche. He thought of his strong bass voice … that seemed to have sprouted … simply … in response to the sharp tones in the voice of the ex-wife. He marveled(*1) at what that meant … in the way they communicated on the issues.

 

Their communication had relied on the play of sounds … excited ' That's absolutely wonderful honey ' … puzzled ' You're sure you want to do that? … caring ' You look simply gorgeous '… loving ' I missed you today.'  But that was the social cues … they relied on. It ensured thoughtfulness … dependency … and meaning. In all .. it prolonged the trust … in the relations.

 

But it wasn't with some sense … of role playing (*2). And what's wrong with that? … he asked. His thoughts went to Sam … at the store … whom he had met … about ten years into the marriage. Sam had a clear complexion … was trim .. and spoke with gentleness …  in a voice with high tones. He thought he had become enamored of him(*3) … but his responsibilities to the family … caused him to suddenly … avoid going to the store … after a while.

 

He rose to put some logs onto the fire. It sparked profusely and rose up to the night sky. It was only here … in Alaska … that he came into contact with his own sexuality. And he could only allow himself to do that … in a house alone … miles away from his ex-wife. He had found a new sexual appeal in himself … and he had come out in direct confession … regarding what he was. Yes … he was in love with himself … but it was more than that … he was in love with creation.

 

A coyote bayed in the distant night … and he continued. He figured that what we bring to each other as love … between a man and a woman … was but an expression of our dual natures. Man … he thought … was meant to be self sufficient … on his own … handling his own emotional needs. But where a man … extends his needs to a woman … that is responded to for only so long …  before she encourages him … to be self sufficient.

 

He practiced some more on the harmonica … in the hopes of raising the pitch in his voice. He had to learn to take things easy … and not consider everything serious. He placed another log on the fire … and turned in. It seemed bizarre … but as he was falling off to sleep … he got the impression … that what a man … tells himself … is exactly what a woman tells him too. But coming from the woman … its a passionate appeal … that conveys a care for him … and that induces love and sex … increasing the ardor … not diminish it.

 

In the morning … he awoke … and carried his sleeping bag … back to the cabin. He came back out … and sat on the chair … near the smouldering embers. He threw some logs on the fire … and looked at the hill … in the distance. He had changed his mind about going further … and returned … to camp outside the cabin. The cabin … now took on the look … of an accomplice … to everything that is wrong with the social idea.

 

The way we engage our bias on the physical nature of things … bore a strong resemblance … to the sexual appeal … of our social natures. It is better supported by the dream. A true understanding of the world … is undertaken on the basis … of the individual perception … that categorizes the social experience with the sexual and dream. A physical orientation of the world … takes place as individual self sufficiency … that views the lone experience of the man … and his relation to the social.

 

The social nature robs the child of its qualities and are taken over … in the interest of social cohesiveness(*4). It promotes the experience of living the dream and it denies the individual natures … to substitute it with the nature of God. It works against the cultivation of the human ideal … and man's self determination with regards to the creation ideal. In turn man … relies on the physical natures of the woman … which simply endorses the social natures.

 

He thought … he might just sit outside the house for the day … and not go in until later. It soothed his angst on issues … diminished the force of the social … onto the individual experience. He felt free … and ironically felt … a responsibility for the social ideal … that he would have to undertake on a volitional basis. We do still need the social organization … but with awareness … and not the driven sense … of submitting to the inevitable.

 

' A man does more for society … volitionally and with understanding … than when coerced.' He figured he'll have to give a great deal of attention … to the dream versus the reality … and to understand that better. The dream … as the basis of the social idea … produced many ideals as instruments for the organization of society. Democracy … free enterprise … liberty … and the experience of the world … are all founded on social organization. And while a man is not separated from that … he has to create his view of that experience … and to see in that … the opportunities for the cultivation of the individual personality. They are as two halves of a life we live.

 

 

Abner's Collection of Useful Words:

 

 (*1)  marvel … ( Pron' /ma … vle) Experience of wonder and surprise at the way something works. Lit. … Captain Marvel … Popular comic personality who is a superhero. Culture … Thoughts that engage events in life to give it expression e.g. ' ain't that something?' Legends … Psyche and Eros in a relationship founded on wonder filled responses. Music … The way in which a composition of high and low sounds create a symphony. Science … Early development of capability in a child. Abner's version … Popeye the sailor

 

(*2)  role play … (Pron' /roll … play(as in clay))The relative identity of the individual in a group, expressing a behavior consistent with its common aims. Science … Psychology … Role model representing the individual's alter ego. Arts ...The arts of the thespian in a play to express an idea or understanding. Abner's version ... What a man does sober that which he does when drunk.  

 

(*3) enamored (of him) … (Pron' /ena ...more)(Origin ...(Fr.) … amor) Cultivate feelings of romance. Gay … To occupy the marvel behavior in respect of a same sex individual in an expression of self love. Science … Reproductive behavior of flowering plants that rely on the quality to attract insects. Culture … The effect of narcotics on an individual to heighten the marvel experience. Abner's version … Forbidden love disapproved by the church on account of abuses by church personnel.

 

(*4) (social) cohesiveness … (Pron' /ko'he'sieve'ness) The dependency on one another to stay in the group identity. Culture … Subscription to common aims, meanings and behavior of groups. Abner's Version ... Never heard of it.