The Tipping Point

I made mention of my nephew's passing … recently. However I find my thoughts returning … to his life … and the nature of the forces … he had encountered. In the eulogy .. presented by his best friend … he referred to the way … my nephew would ' hold court ' … in his relations with his friends. I dunno about that … but he could talk ... like a white furred rabbit. As far as I could tell … he expressed no deep love for family … nor raised any social concerns … and never spoke of philosophy. It was the journey … not the destination … and as far as he was concerned … the drive was all.

We had been meeting up for beer … on and off for about 5 years. It was the usual catching up … girls … new trends … the news of the day … and anything … that would normally have pre-occupied the interest of an individual … as worthy of attention … in these times. He had a way of seeking out the worth of issues … and creating a gratification of it in his experiences. He expressed himself … in his acts … in a manner of saying … what he had done … with some panache.

I suppose the two of us had always … done that for one another. He was 12 years my junior … and I used to babysit him and his brother and sisters … when young. I was still in school … and during the holidays … they'll come over to my mother's place. His parents were separated when young … and the kids were low on self esteem. So I'll gather them around … told stories of legends … and kept up their interest and motivation … until they can do it for themselves.

He had a heart attack … at work … and they grounded him … in the airline company. He then quit the place … and took a job with another airline … training pilots. It appeared to have made him less … in his own eyes … but he engaged my own situation of being retired and separated from the wife … to relate … to what's happening. No doubt … he had looked up to me … in some way before … but it was obvious … he had made it up the hill himself … and was holding his own.

As I review the events of our association … I'm reminded of that last beer we had together … on a Sunday afternoon … when good beer met up with bad conscience … and spilled into a duel of assorted thorns. His idea of being successful … is to be on top of the hill … and living life to the full. He kept pressing me … to haul it up … and make a show … of what I'm doing these days … no doubt … for what he must have thought … is fame and glory.

I had told him … that I'm engaged in very sensitive matters of mind and heart … and am attempting … to reach out to people … on issues that are personal in nature. My instrument in these matters … is a reliance on ' word of mouth ' … to get people to move … into the opportunities … presented for understanding themselves. Its not going to work any other way … and I was affirmed in my own … methodology and the nature of true achievement.

He had no cause … for the way … he turned the afternoon … into an ill-informed discourse … about my lack of ambition … and the implication … that ' I have lost it.' I had told him in plain language … that the old ways … of ' wheeling and dealing ' … was on its way out … in place of something quite considerably … real … in human affairs. I made it clear that it was a choice I had made … in an informed matter with regard to the issues.

He displayed an attitude of dismissal … smiled in kind tolerance … but kept on. In a way … he was looking to find a confession from me. What? That despite a career I consider successful … I was simply unable to find … a career niche in society … for putting together society again … better and in greater harmony with itself. But … I reminded him … I still have time.

In the quiet … breezy atmosphere of the cafe … we were … sitting at stone tables and chairs … out in the open … in what must have looked like two dragons … fighting the ultimate battle. I counted the minutes … to the tipping point … when I was sure no further argument … would help to convince him … and then slammed into him with everything I had. His eyes clouded … his speech stuttered … and then decided … he'll call it a day.

We shook hands outside the cafe … certain that we'll never see each other again. On reflection … he was a lot like me … but I had sought to make something … with the skills and gifts … I was born with. No doubt I was driving on the juice … and it was great … but a man would draw a line somewhere. He reminded me of my own attitudes … before I commenced … my life's study. At 19 … when my guides had intimated that I ought to scale back on the drive … and create … a real achievement … I had responded positively without hesitation.

When my guides had intimated that … I would lose everything … including my very impulses of love and affection … I had still said … it was okay. And when they asked me … if I knew why I was doing this … I had responded with … ' for the glory!.' And yes … there is a glory in our lives … but its achieved with a fair share … of sacrifices … concerns … love … intelligence and study. I had wanted to reach Paul on that … but had failed. When he passed on recently ... he was 47.

I met the old King in my affairs again ...  yesterday. He sits in the center of my being … as he used to … and directs a balance of the issues … whether its in relation to my personal natures … or to the world's society. ' Holding court ' … in a realm of personal matters … has certainly grown in its refinement … to a fair and informed consideration of the issues. Its something every young man today … ought to give some attention to.