A Tobacco Break

It's a slow day at the internet cafe. The usual video game gangs ... are not about ... but from time to time ... the ones at the monitor ... call out somebody's mother ... with special reference to her ... private parts ... and then is followed by the sound of machine gun fire. And I had thought ... I might do a write today ... on the torrent of issues ... I've been encountering of late. So I stepped out for a smoke.

Been rolling my cigarettes for some time now ... so I pulled out some ... and rolled it on the paper. The day is already into night ... the sky somewhat overcast. Its still humid at 10.00 pm ... and the trees are entirely stationery ... without the slightest gust of breeze. I light the cigarette and take a deep puff. On nights like this I always feel sorry for myself. No ... not anything with a reason ... but the kind that says ... despite every effort I bring to balance ... the issues ... that I encounter ... there's always someone or something ... that defies the mere words ... I bring to the task.

Its like saying to a girl ... she's beautiful ... but she's looking back at you and asking ... ' then why don't you give me a lifestyle? ' Its like wishing for a life of adventure ... and finding the response returning to me that asks ... ' you ought to plan for a birth in Alaska.' How does anyone respond to this sort of inquisitiveness?  There's the odd car or two ... on the roads ... they are all white in color these days.

Over to the right ... there's the community hall ... for the village. Its a high roofed building ... with ample parking ... and a basketball court to its side. Inside ... its used mainly for badminton ... but on occasion ... a wedding reception ... a concert ... or children activities. To the left ... there's the temple ... which has grown in usage in recent months ... and sometimes does music recitals ... loud ... with drums and shehnai. The lights in the houses are still on ... and across the cafe ... in a upstairs room ... the resident is sitting at her computer terminal ... in deep concentration.

I experienced an old feud ... coming to a settlement today ... with the way the thoughts come and go freely. I'm not sure how it might have started. I was born ... in the middle of such a feud ... and it seems that I grew up in it ... eventually seeing it as two parts of the world ... and in realizing that ... my acceptance of same sex relations ... may have done much to cool it down.

Its curious isn't it? ... how we come into contact with these things. There we are ... looking at the garden and the palm trees ... and suddenly ... in the next instant ... it feels like dragons ... and old demons were coming out of the woodwork to heave their swords at you. Its almost exactly like the way they portray it in the movies ... with some teen time travelers ... who suddenly land in the middle of a battle field ... in medieval England.

Perceptions. Its incredible ... how the way we see something virtually defines ... the meaning of the life we experience ... and the responses we create to it. Oh the feud? ... its about this girl. When was it ever without this girl?

It was a dream thing ... and I was growing up with her constant enthusiasm at everything ... and excitability at the wondrous nature of life. There were these bunch of other guys who were quite enamored of her ... and had formed some strong bonding to the issue. I had thought my own relationship was like a father to a daughter ... and I had thought she had always responded that way. Accordingly ... I had never planned for anything more than that.

Who is she is still a mystery ... and none of her male suitors will provide any closer clue as to her identity. So who did you guys fall in love with all this time? ... is what I ask ... and I get blank stares. The gals try to help ... and bring an assortment of descriptions that they enact in their own behavior ... but that isn't about this gal ... I refer to as my daughter.

She's just a natural with everything ... and there's this guy I know who has met with her ... in a former life somewhere ... and he's picked up her easy going style ... and tries to pass it off as ... as a man-of-the-world-thing. The fact is ... she grows a new interest each day ... something in the way of our forward lives and the future. She brings that to my attention ... and I take a look at it ... maybe read about it some ... and give an opinion. Then we are moving on to something else.

Its the cats again. There's at least ... about 6 of them in this area ... and they love to sleep on the cars parked nearby. I never thought I'll say this ... but the humidity ... actually brings a warm feeling to a person. Its been raining on and off and I guess ... it might rain again later. I toss the cigarette and go back into the cafe.