Mother's Hero

Knights and humans

There's no doubt that every boy growing up in the home … sensed at one time or another … the identity of the invincible hero … that he was to mother. But did he truly understand what or who that was? Our legends borrowed on the impression … and brought to us some wonderful stories … and on observation one sees … the heroes in their shiny armour of the legends … eventually give way to the … cynical hero of today … with the day old shadow. There's something there … obviously … and I think worth a second look.

Perhaps we ought to start with the inquiry … who did the kid think mother was? A person? … an object? … a representation or reflection? There's no doubt that our passions … stir to the response … but thereafter … do we bring a critical view of the experience … based on what we observe in the world's experience? … or do we slide into an affectionate hub of assurances … that we fight to resist as fantasy … and which forms a block to our practical natures.

Its a constant irk on the side of any man today … why? We believed that … didn't we? In heart and soul … an irresistible impulse of perfection … a promise of final achievement … the reason and love of all our strivings … but it went awry. Does it take a hero to get back there and take a second look? I think it might.

In my experience … he was a friend all the way into my pre-adult years … thereafter as my career took off … I found it a hindrance … and by constantly suppressing it … I became an enemy to it … by the force of circumstances … no doubt. I wondered about its attitude to me today. Its own condition represents a picture of rejection and desolation in its beliefs. As I engaged it … it transferred its grief to me … and I had to bring a manner of explanations … reasoning … and persuasion to overcome the experience.

He's obviously not of this world … I'm certain of it. He represents a universal realm of possibilities about creation … and its final outcome. What he had strove to achieve as mother's hero … in my early years … was the final perfect specie. I had instead … taken the ball from him … and led it in the direction of the human development. I was obviously not wrong about that. His ambition was the achievement of a form … consistent with the popular depiction of aliens .. in our screen representations. Now! At this time! I dunno …

That explains the strange and estranged … relation I had with my mother all my adult years. She had wanted to achieve more … but I didn't believe … I had gone against the grain or something. But I find the situation in accurate perspective today. Even if we are going to come to a development of the genus of the future specie … I think we will first perfect the human experience … and use that as a stable basis to build the future.

But today … in my retirement … it allows me an opportunity to view … what it had hoped to bring to my understanding … about the future of mankind. I find myself in complete agreement … and its had a wonderful healing effect … on much of my resistances … bias … non-belief … sometimes an attitude of dismissal … substituted by the arrogance of the intellect. In retrospect … what I had perceived as mother … was more my own projection … than the lady who brought me up.

I have in the course of my reviews … avoided keeping anything in … as if in special regard to my own unique nature. I've made it a point to bring them into application of my view of the world … and to account for the way … the physical natures of man and society as they exist … reflect a sense of what I have seen in my nature. I'll have to say its a mixed review … with some part of the experiences affirming … and some parts … forming an inexplicable relation to these views.

I continue to be guided by mother's hero … in a deep part of the psyche of the passions. At last watch … he seems to be wanting to sort out his situation himself … and not receive any help or guide on the issue. Apparently … he comes from a tradition of invincibility … and cannot appear to need the help of anyone. Obviously my role as man … was a part of his experience … since brought apart by the pressures of human society. I suppose we'll have to sort that out someday.

As a child … our propensity to mix … and separate playfully … our personalities … had certainly created a greater prospect for the view about our possibilities. I suppose … in getting even older … I might return to that condition … and perhaps be able to re-cultivate its experience. My objective is simply … self understanding … and I have come to a considerable comfort of the issues … that my over-wrought concern brings to me about humanity.

I suppose I have to some extent mixed my personality with mother. Our differences have healed to some extent … and neither of us seem intent about proving ourselves … by going it alone. Which I hope will create the opportunity for a continued experience of union in our purpose … and lead that to an understanding about the human condition. But it'll help if she eases up on complaining about the mess … my room is in.