Instant Family

Muscle Flexing

I have an instant family … just moved in about a month back. They're from the neighborhood … having the house renovated … and they might stay for another two months. When they first moved in … my impulse was to move out. There are 6 of them … and a maid … and they've turned the entire house into a noisy chatter of kids and kitchen banter.

I persuaded myself to attempt a containment. It was a struggle the first two weeks … then the previous sunday I had to wash the car … and my goodness … it was instant family … as the older son came over to chat while I was washing … his sister sat looking out at the garage … and the kid … played on the lawn.

I'm not kidding about the stress … I've been living 8 years in the room … since the separation. And the sudden change ... had me thinking I was headed for a stroke. But after the car wash … that I did in my shorts … I came back to the room … feeling rather sexy. And then I was suddenly consumed by a torrent of sexual impulses … which I thought rather odd … so I took a bath … went for dinner … and found that everybody I encountered looked beautiful in some way … much like how I was feeling. The sexuality had been channeled into the physical natures.

Later that night I peaked … relented to the goad of sexual impulses.... and shook the stick at the dog. There are issues … in fact a mountain of them. I remembered some years back … for a period of about one week … when I felt like I could do anything I wanted. There was a muscular sense of strength … which in connection with my mind … exercised a powerful impact on my physical experience … so powerful that it had me smiling … and looking at the world in a benevolent disposition.

It had me feeling sexy as well … but not like the day of the car wash. This was different. This was downright sweet … with overtones of applying myself to help others less strong … perhaps to join a gym and work out … and most of all … it moderated the way I was bringing myself to deal with personal issues … of being pushed around. It tossed out my apologetic nature. At 5' 5'' I don't cut a threatening figure … and have generally survived with my wit … but this was incredible. I kept saying ' they can do that?' … to no one in particular other than my sense of appreciation.

Conan was always a big favorite … but since the experience … I've included a few other muscle bound movies in my collection … and will surf body building sites on the web. The logical presumption is obvious … a physically strong man has no reason to fear … generally speaking … and may be of a disposition to feel a protective something about others. For a while … it felt a little like an Iolus … fighting alongside his uncle … the mighty Hercules.

Later I found the reason for that sudden strength … it has to do with the diaphragm … just below the lung cavity. Its a muscle bound organ … and it works in incredible ways as an influence on the strength of the body. If that falls in a person … you'll have to go to hell and back to get it up. And I don't think a person does it all at the gym … some reading helps.

Well … the issues brought me back to my days as a kid … and by golly!… its an incredible thing to find that your dreams are sometimes bound up in muscle. So I'm looking at the instant family outside my room door … and wondering … ' what's a man's youth in the home he grew up in … got to do with his family experience as a grown up?' Simple … you don't flex your muscles in front of your father.

I continue to watch the movies of my favorite heroes … and doggone … if they haven't grown a little over the hill. I'm there myself … and I figure … these are the guys that got me past my containment with my father … on the way to being a man. So I say ... ' what the heck! … if they continue to act … I'll continue watching.'