Carbon Dioxide Poisoning

Dying with Self Pity

The Indic calls it  sellam  … pronounced cel-lum. Its a condition of the personality of an individual … in which the oxygen intake is managed poorly by the mind … and produces a lethargy … that promotes the passions. Its cultivates a dumb a*s (da) … and he responds with a whiny … heart on the sleeve outlook. In life he faces the Gordian's knot of knowing and not knowing … and creates his observations of it … and stores it in a filing cabinet like an octopus … for better management.

Its the last bastion of the experience of rationality by the human condition. It engages the inquiry … ' Given the fact that I am intelligent and in the know… how do I continue to engage and deal with others socially … who don't know? How would I relate correctly?' Its an important question … particularly in the social environment in which … such an individual excels. It draws on an avalanche of social relations like a magnet.

No doubt a person who truly comes to understand … will find a way … but the peculiar difficulties … we encounter … are immeasurable … and cause the greatest asinine experience. Its sad to think that something like this should occur to someone … who is fundamentally conscientious … and wants to do the right thing. But then … social relations create an approval of the iconic nature of ourselves … that can eventually deny our achievement of it.

The approaches we undertake today are several … and some of these go on to serve … an important function in the needs of society. There's the ' suffering fools gladly ' … which is a considerable management of one's sense of humor … without tripping over with rancour. There's the father … who lives by a sense of his duty to children … not yet out of the woods … and does his best to provide an experienced guide on issues.

There's the man who believes in God … and figures God knows why. And then there's the man of wisdom … who is prepared to put his understanding on the line … and will go down with the ship if he has to. All these are based on a certain sub-conscious management of the issues … together with a compliant will … good faith … and a love for social engagements. When the chips are down … they respond with characteristic good will as appreciation for the creative endeavor but with sympathy for the man.

Margaret Thatcher … the ex-British prime minister … felt let down by her party at suggestions that she step down in favor of new blood at the top. ' Its a funny world ' she had remarked. It sure is but the world is not without creating some suggestions of its own … about how the situation is addressed. Its the hallmark of every experience of life … in which it appears … and creates a demonstration … of the true nature of knowing … and the way to engage everybody else … without tying ourselves into a knot.

And it is rediscovered by the man who plays the 'da'. For in the way we engage others … with the instruments of the individual … we are likely to displace our sense of identity … and come to a contortion of ' what is me … and what is the other.' It is this that the 'da' attempts to discover … face to face … in the light of day … by tolerating being lied to … dismissing exaggerations … understanding mimicry … the assurances of wealth … and the promises of vanity. A person can actually get quite good at it.

I was in some ways born that way. I call that part of my personality ' Denim ' today … on account of the same jeans he wore everyday. He was a decent sort of chap … satirical in his ways … and kept himself one step ahead of the other guy. He referred to anything resembling intelligence … as an understanding of human nature … and he always swore by his own understanding of it. It's the quality of the modern Hindu today. But the man was a wheel of complications … spending almost 50% of his energies … sorting on strategies … before he makes a move. It grows weary after a while … and finally he simply said … ' I did my best … I'm sorry ' … then he quit.

Thereafter I awoke from a long night of sleepless dreams … and applied myself to putting all the pieces together. It had one simple rule … no more strategies … unless you are working as a marketer. In effect that turned me into the most naïve … innocent … and God forsaken lamppost … you'll ever come across. But it helped me cross the flames of second guessing … and landed me on the other side with my boat in flames. There's obviously no turning back.

Is the 'da' an act put on by a person … deliberately and with great skill? Not likely … it is however a little like a person with carbon dioxide poisoning … which doesn't kill him right away … but creates a sellam of entrophy … that leads to self pity … and causes his mind to constantly reflect on what exactly do people mean … when they say something about somebody? Parents dealing with kids not cleaning out their rooms … ought to pay closer attention … they are not as dumb as they look.