Chap 9 : The Yeller and the Guaman

The Demon of Signs

Imagine this. I'm sitting in an outdoor cafe alone… having my breakfast. On the next table … a group of four … very noisy people … are doing the same. Suddenly … from the loud noises … I discern that they are talking about me … in particular … referring to my growth in abilities … in dealing with a mind … that's been until then … like a plane coming in to crash. I distinctly hear … specific parts of the conversation … that refers to what I have been doing.

On another occasion … I'm at a taxi terminal … and someone says to the effect …' there he goes, he's the one.' I turn around … and all I see is a bunch of people … stooped over a checker game. Then there was the dinner at the restaurant … . On each of these occasions … the voice is the same … loud … in the manner of yelling in surprise … and clipped … as if absolutely certain as to what its saying.

I had been telling myself … its impossible that anyone should know such personal details about me. I had therefore been telling myself … that its a mechanism in me … possibly related to the auditory part of the brain at the back … that's been activated somehow. It intimated a personal level of relations that was virtually … a double body experience … which was once united as one.

I decided to give it a name … and maybe check to see if science had some research on the area. I called it the ' Guaman ' … which in literal translation means ' cave dweller ' or in the local language as ' Justice.' I figured it was related to the ' Siren ' of western legends. I was … during this period … under tremendous stress … my relationships were in a total mess … and I had begun a period of isolation … from general society … to give more attention to my studies. I suppose its possible that my passions … especially that part … associated with relationships … were yelling out … in frustration.

Today … in retrospect … I realize that I was right about the part about relations. As I have been returning to general society … over the last two years … the incidences have stopped. And as I reviewed the matter closely … it appeared to me that some part of my passions … associated with friendships founded entirely on a sense of the true … had broken … and it appeared to have sounded its consternation.

In returning to it … I found myself engaging designs … patterns … symbols … and signs … as a way of communicating with that part … especially with regards to meaning. Accordingly I have been drawing a bunch of schemes … and pictures … to illustrate … the directions my mind is taking … instead of merely jotting it down as narratives. Its helped … and I find that the anxieties … at a deep level … have settled down in peace.

Science offered the possibility … that its the karyote cells in the body … viewed as being an early body experience in primitive times … consisting essentially of bacteria … and accustomed to viewing life's experience … in an internal image of activity … relations … and association with the individual. It is also expected to be active in babies.

I wasn't wrong about the ' cave dweller.' In the elementary construct of the mind … he takes things for granted … and creates an entirely naïve acceptance of all things as being true. The experience with him illustrates the fact that … knowledge does not begin with disagreement … nor do we seek knowledge because we want to overcome ignorance. We do it because … it was in our original natures to know the self … and to come to the joy of being.