Never Said I Was Hercules

Fables from The Quick Brown Fox : V

( A scene in the gym of the Club. Some members are working out on the apparatus. )

Lazy Dog : ( exclaims ) Will ya look at that. ( points at someone working out )

( Brown Fox remains quiet without comment. )

Lazy Dog : That's a Hercules!

Brown Fox : Its nice to see you show an enthusiasm for something … you think maybe you're gay?

Lazy Dog : Oh no, not that again! … when will you quit? I swear in front of my mother … I'm straight … but I happen to think that the male body is beautiful.

Brown Fox : That might be a matter of interpretation honey …

Lazy Dog : But I don't do sodomy … never ( holds up a finger ) … oh … okay maybe that one time in college … but I didn't penetrate. Its just the anxiety … and I was drunk.

Brown Fox : In the wilds it would mean the end of the species.

Lazy Dog : So what's this about bee colony collapse? Then its the snakes and frogs … is something going on?

Brown Fox : I'll check my jungle drums and let you know.

Lazy Dog : I heard in the scopophilia that the next species after man may be hermaphroditic. What do you think?

Brown Fox : Its going to be hard telling myself I'm smart when she is sharing the same body.

Lazy Dog : That's for sure. But what if she is sharing your body now … in other ways?

Brown Fox : I'm dead.

Lazy Dog : ( laughs ) Maybe you'll like to re-think the benefits of friendship about now.

Brown Fox : And give up on the great pathfinder? No thank you.

Lazy Dog : So what would your epitaph say?

Brown Fox : ' Never said I was Hercules.'