Women in the Closet

Sleep deprivation.

The lady that sits under my shirts,

She's the reason my head, it hurts.

Peering through the bedroom closet,

Blinking with that dripping faucet. 

You whisper such beautiful rhymes,

However I've heard of your terrible crimes.

You hide behind that shadowy gate,

They hide your claws of hate.

Never to touch the light,

Burning your skin, it seems to bright.

Singing songs of sin,

Always trying to lure me in.

I won't be drawn from this bed,

I'll keep you out of my head.

I'll wait for dawn to break,

I won't be your child steak.

No matter how many nights I spend battling the sounds of alluring slumber,

I must stay awake, for the lady under my shirts awaits to take my life's number.

Author's Note

As I lay down to sleep, I found my mind exploring dark areas of a child thoughts. What lies in their closets I wonder.

How about some feedback? ^.^

Reviews

[PHFASCES]

You whisper such beautiful rhymes,
However I've heard of your terrible crimes.

You hide behind that shadowy gate,
They hide your claws of hate.

Never to touch the light,
Burning your skin, it seems to bright.

Singing songs of sin,
Always trying to lure me in.

I won't be drawn from this bed,
I'll keep you out of my head.

I'll wait for dawn to break,
I won't be your child steak.


i was like "ooooooooooohhhh"
the rhymes were well executed.
the story hit the soul
i applaud you.
hats off.
thank you for sharing

[SheIsMe]

This was awesome. I especially love the line "I won't be your child steak". It can speak to everyone as we have all had those nights that we lie awake in fear, in pain, in confusion...great job!

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

wow, amazing poem, friend

[McBear]

I loved the beautiful imagery you included!

[Peace Will Win]

I very much enjoyed this and the poem has beautiful imagery such as when it says "I'll wait for dawn to break,
I won't be your child steak." Those were definitely my favorite lines.
Nevertheless this is a great poem, good job.

[Riley]

i love the like 'blinking with that dripping faucet' i feel eyes staring at me as i stare right back at them, eerily into my soul, as i stare into the black dark mass of the unknown. I enjoy the childlike twist of wonder and darkness. My closet freaks me out honestly and it doesn't even have a door... I just have a curtain which stays partially open all of the time....despite its slender size, you never know whats creeping inside. I love your words and how they flow. Thank you for sharing

[Rosaliine]

This has some powerful imagery! I really like it and it's similar to what I used to think when I was a child :p x

[Insight "MH"]

She's the reason my head, it hurts

I suggest changing this to: "She's the reason my head hurts", cause it sounds better in my opinion. Leaving all that aside, the poem has beautiful imagery, especially "You hide behind that shadowy gate,
They hide your claws of hate", which shows a dark side of that person behind a fake appearance.

Insight.