Tick Tock!

 

There once was a time

When there was but one,

He came in a sleigh with his bells turned on,

With a long white beard and a fat red pelt

And a tassel and a bobble and a Sam Browne belt!

 

Just once in the year

He'd appear on high,

With reindeers, winging through the stars in the sky,

And he'd bring all the presents that the kids desired,

They'd send him all their letters in the smoke from the fire.

 

But the year came round

When it all went wrong,

While singing and a-playing of the reindeer song,

For a boy lay awake while the world was asleep

As Saint Nick clambered down the chimney-piece.

 

The fairy on the tree

Looked down and around

To the holly and the mistletoe, and then, she frowned!

For the boy sat and listened to the grandfather clock,

As the old clock muttered to the hearth - Tick! Tock!

 

Then a shower of soot

And the old black boots,

As Santa came a-calling in his old red suit,

But he saw a little movement, hidden by the tree

And he roared -'No presents for the likes of thee!'

 

He turned to the hearth

To the chimney-piece,

As the boy sprang out with a whimpered: 'Please!'

But the rules had been written by the man in the hood,

'I only leave presents where the children are good!'

 

The boy thought quick,

He'd heard 'Tick! Tock!'

He opened up the front of the grandfather clock,

Then said, 'That's fine, in a goody-goody home,

But what about the kids who are bad to the bone?'

 

Then he caught St Nick

By his Sam Browne belt,

Pulled him off his balance in his old red pelt,

Then stuffed him in the front of the grandfather clock

That had muttered to the blinking of the tree, Tick! Tock!

 

The boy then turned

The key in the lock,

Imprisoned him forever in the grandfather clock,

He took all the presents from the old man's sack,

And once he took the presents there was no going back!

 

There's no more Santa

And there's no more sleigh

For it got a parking ticket on the very next day,

And the parking inspector set the reindeer free,

For no-one asked the question - 'Where can he be?'

 

So now there are streets full

Of men in red suits,

With their false white beards, and their fake black boots

With the only real Santa, imprisoned in a clock,

He's jammed against the pendulum, it can't - Tick! Tock!

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[emmajoy]

OH THIS IS GREAT, LOVE IT.. laughed all the way through it. What a wonderful story wrapped up in fine piece of poetising too:

' Then he caught St Nick By his Sam Browne belt, Pulled him off his balance in his old red pelt, Then stuffed him in the front of the grandfather clock That had muttered to the blinking of the tree, Tick! Tock! '

Wonderful fun, great writing.

Apologies for such a belated review .. happy new everything!

[David Scott]

Ha! Love this poem David!
A better version of the grinch that stole Christmas.
We rib ourselves and the world of the Christmas Spirit when we refuse to accept our accountabilities and blame them on others. Locking Santa up was a poor solution. I bet the magic sac of toys did not work do well.
Funny story. Great imagination!

[Baby Ricochet]

Holy crap Santa got mugged by a gang banger!!!

[minisla]

Wow some imagination. True the meaning is lost. Imagination tarnished forever.

[R J Askew]

Enjoyed. Only two hours ago I chopped up the Christmas tree that's been abandoned in my garden this month past and there is a fine long case clock circa 1770 ticking away about two yards behind my left shoulder. I like the idea of the conventional story being twisted to fit with modern times. Learnt to my horror, that Santa was traditionally green, but that Coca Cola changed him to red. Damn their greedy yankee eyes.

[Marion A Sadler]

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

I like this, and although it seems at first read to be a comedy, I found after my second and third reads that it said much more to me. I like the analogy to the loss of the true meaning of Christmas, in the masses of Santas, and the one true Christmas lost in time. I may be way off base but that is what it says to me.
Marion

[Lena M. P.]

You are a sick little elf you know. Coals for you for attacking Father Christmas.

[Mark]

Read my "The Christmas Story", for my take on the superficiality, greed and
other assorted wickedness associated with today's observation of Christmas! Thanks, David!

[Valentine]

David, now all I will hear is the sobbing of all of the little ones in the world because Santa is a fake and will leave no presents..You were a brat with this one..I think Lyn owes you a good whipping..lol and God bless the two of you..Kathie

[Thomas B. Buckman]

Awesome story.

Your storytelling abilities astound me, sir!