Czechmate!

The best laid schemes...

 

'I won't be back 'til very late,'

The note from her had read,

He poured himself another drink

And headed off to bed,

She often spent the night away

Carousing with 'the girls',

The forty-something's group of them

Out on their monthly whirls.

 

They'd known each other all their lives

From kindergarten on,

Had played with beads and Barbi dolls,

With lipstick on the lawn,

They'd had the odd pyjama nights

Had ogled all the males,

And giggled through their early teens

At love, and lovers tales.

 

And now they'd all been married off

For twenty years or more,

Their nights were spent in darkened bars

Where some had hoped to score,

With jaded lives, they gossiped there,

At every fault, the blame

Was laid right at the husband's door,

At every husband's name.

 

And so it was with Mary Jean

Who said that she was bored,

She said her husband Jack was tired,

He lay in bed and snored,

The days of making love had gone

She lay awake at night,

Frustrated in the marriage bed

That once had brought delight.

 

At home, her husband Jack, asleep

Had dreamt of other things,

Of dancing nymphs who never spoke

To him of boring things,

Who never held their hands out every

Payday for his cheque,

But fed him loving tit-bits, kissed

His feet, and pecked his neck.

 

Then sometime in the early hours

He heard the bedroom door

Creak open, as his wife returned

Tip-toeing on the floor,

He tried to cling to sleep, to keep

Immersed within his dream,

But then his eyes flew open as

He heard the woman scream.

 

She threw her handbag at him,

Hit him fair across the face,

Then started yelling something and

He heard the word 'disgrace!'

He struggled to sit up as she

Hurled insults at his head,

And then he realized that

Someone else lay in his bed.

 

He looked, quite disbelieving

At the blond head lying there,

That lay upon the pillow,

Fast asleep, without a care,

Her painted lips were parted in

A sexy, loving pout,

As if a sudden climax had

Hit home, and knocked her out.

 

'I've never seen...' he went to say

But Mary Jean had gone,

Was stomping down the stairway

Shouting curses at the moon,

The blond leapt up and smiled at him

And said: 'I'm sorry, Jack!'

Then as she left: 'You should have known,

You have to watch your back!'

 

The papers for divorce, they were

Delivered, just on noon,

Demanding half the house and all

His Super, called the tune!

He stood accused, adultery,

And in the marriage bed,

While Jack sat down and tore his hair,

He wished that he was dead!

 

He phoned the band of sisters, phoned

And spoke to every one,

He asked about the night before,

Just what was going on?

They wouldn't give away a thing,

Stonewalled, and left him lost,

'Til one broke down: 'So sorry Jack,

She planned it - you've been crossed!'

 

She told him of an agency that

Figured out these things,

An office in a little street that

Specialized in 'Stings',

He took a trip downtown and then

He hung around 'til late,

The sign above the door, it said:

'Divorces! - see Czechmate!'

 

At eight o'clock, a blond came tripping

Out into the street,

He recognized that pretty face,

The blond between the sheets!

He cornered her and made her spill

The beans, she looked quite scared,

It seemed that Mary Jean had paid

For her to grace his bed.

 

His wife had been unfaithful with

The owner of the place,

A little Czech called Pavel, so

She wanted her own space.

She thought that she could score off him

If she could tap his guilt,

But Jack had other plans now that

Her secret had been spilt.

 

He scribbled out a note and gave it

Folded to the blond,

And told her to deliver it

Before she could abscond.

He wrote, 'I hate to tell you this,

Your little scheme has failed!

About the money, honey -

Well, the Czech is in the Male!'

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Norma J. Jessee]

Oh my goodness, this is hillarious,Sometimes the best laid plans back fire.
I love the play on words. It worked right into this piece perfectly. You always
were one for a great surprise ending. Superb writing and a punch line ending
that left me rolling with laughter.
Fantastic, absolutly genius..........

[David Scott]

Great! How can two lovers come to such a state? Ever? Yet it is a common story with the little twist of fate you seem so fond of throwing in at us!
I will be requesting any payment in cash. Ha

[Lena M. P.]

Oh that was priceless! Bit her in her arse it did :)
Thanks for the smile!