Ve Haf Vays...

 

'Why ith there thalt in the thea,' he thaid,

'Why are there thtars in the thky?

Why hath an elephant got two tailth,

Why if he hath, haven't I?'

 

'Why hath a buth got four big wheelth,

Why hath a bike got two,

Why are you looking at me like that,

Like a monkey chained up in a thoo?'

 

'Why do you conthtantly thake your head

Whenever I'm athking you why?

Why do you thtutter and turn quite red

And anthwer me with a big thigh?'

 

'Thurely my Englith ith thimple and thtraight,

Ith eathy to underthtand,

Why are your fingerth thtuck deep in your earth

Like a man from Afghanithtan?'

 

'I'll anzwer zis kvezchun, I'll anzwer it vunz,

If only you vill zhuttup!

I've never heard zutch a commotion before,

Zutch zpitting and zpraying and zutch.'

 

'Your 'ezzez' confuze me, zey come out like 'zu'z',

Your kvezchuns, zey never mak zenze,

I try to tranzlate in zuh German I know,

But zomehow, you mak me feel denze!'

 

'I haf no idea vhy zhere's zalt in zuh zee,

Or vhy elevants have two tailz,

Or vhy you would vant to know zees ztupid t'ings

Ven ve Germans, vell... Ve haf our vays!'

 

'I vunder how Englanders vun in zuh vore

Ven zey are like you, talk like zis?'

'Thatth eathy,' he thaid, 'we came up with a code

That replathed each 'th' with an 'S'.

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[emmajoy]

This is HILARIOUS - love it. Took me a few seconds to get into it, went back and laughed until the German came up, paused, smiled, went on then, read it a second time and loved every word, every line.

It must have taken you a while to get the words down and written as you show here.. can't imagine - certainly for myself, that it would have been completed in an instance!

Will return for more of your special brand of tonic!

[spiritwind]

This had me laughing so hard my ribs hurt. I see you had your vays first!!! Excellent, excellent, excellent!

[Norma J. Jessee]

I'm rolling on zee floor wiz ziz one my friend,
How do you come up with these fantastic ideas ?
I love how you switched the languages around
with different accents. Simply genius.
Absolutely love it.

[Mark]

I've written a couple of poems in dialectic before, but nothing that can touch this, particularly when you incorporate both dialects in a single final stanza! Very rich, David. Your forenote ought to encourage readers to read it aloud, to the best of their ability!

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This is charming and cute and graced my face with a smile.