You've Got Magic!

A sly kick at Reality Shows.

 

'America - You've Got Magic!'

Ran the sign on the Glitzy Floor,

For this was the latest Reality Show

To consume consumers with awe;

Some Boffin, deep in a Think-Tank

Had been racking his brain for weeks,

And this was the format he gave them;

Home Magicians! - with tricks and treats!

 

The Show was into the knockout stage,

The Advertisers were rapt,

None of your Song and Dancing here,

Nobody shedding Fat,

No-one stuck in a boring House

With brains the size of a pea,

But plenty of age-old magic tricks

For the rest of the world to see.

 

The Judges sat in their glory

Each equipped with a magic wand,

The first of them, Benjamin Glowery

Played his part, in a deep despond,

He hated the Hatted Rabbits

And the Doves that flew over the stage,

While contestants that showed him a Card Trick

Bore the brunt of his fearful rage.

 

He'd wave his wand in rejection

Like thumbs down, as they did in Rome,

And depending on Betty Abullbull

He would send them all packing, home,

While Betty paraded her implants

And her elegant, coiffured hair,

She was there for the sex attraction

As there wasn't much intellect there.

 

The third was a known Magician

Who had fallen on harder times,

He'd taken the job for the money

He was known as 'Impeccable' Grimes,

He spent more time on his fingernails

Than watching the acts begin,

He said that he knew all the magic tricks,

That nothing was new to him!

 

He waited to see how Glowery went

Then voted the other way,

So often it was up to Abullbull

Whether the act would go, or stay,

The audience cheered and hooted,

The idiot audience moaned,

As long as the votes came pouring in

With the fees from the mobile phones!

 

When things became too restive there

The judges played their games,

They'd introduce some terrible act

But mispronounce the names,

The audience would hoot and jeer

As if the name were a fact,

So some red-faced performer

Would screw up in his Magic Act!

 

The last one up on the stage was weird,

A Wizard, dressed in black

A garment down to his boots, who

When they stared would stare right back.

A cloak hung loose at his shoulders

And a long, grey flowing beard,

They stumbled over his name again...

Mis... Mister... Toffee... Lees.

 

The crowd just roared, while he had frowned,

Said nothing in reply,

But charmed a snake with a magic flute

As if it were a toy,

Pulled out a bunch of Chrysanthemums

And watched them fill the stage,

While Glowery jumped about in his seat,

Preparing to vent his rage.

 

'There's nothing so great in that,' he said,

'We want to see something new,

We want to be entertained, old man,

Is there anything you can do?'

The Wizard then waved his wand, and changed

The backdrop into stars,

And floated a foot above the stage

To the audience oohs and aahs.

 

Grimes had sneered, and shook his head,

'An old trick at the best!

You'll have to do better than that, old man

If I'm going to be impressed!'

Ben Glowery then had waved his wand,

To dismiss the ancient sage,

While Betty Abullbull shook her head;

The Wizard growled in rage.

 

He shimmered and grew in height, then raised

The Wand that he waved on high,

'You think that you're all so clever

That your world's your Reality?

You think you can mock a name that's held

In fear through the centuries...

You're going to regret you played the fool

With Mephistopheles!'

 

The studio sat in a bubble, floated

Out with the camera crews,

Carried the Judges, audience,

All screaming above the trees,

They're floating forever, alone in space

All praying, in Saturn's Rings,

With each one ruing the day they thought

To play with the Devil's things!

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Mark]

Hilarious, David! Though I admit the ending took me rather aback--I was expecting doves and rabbits, but out of some HIGHLY irregular apertures! Your portrayals of Cowell as Glowery, and Abdul as Abullbull were dead-accurate, and had me laughing from the second stanza! I don't get the connection of Jackson to "Impeccable Grimes", UNLESS you've blended the Judging teams, and this is Neils of "Britain's Got Talent".
The only place your otherwise flawless rhyme breaks down in in St. VIII, with beard and lees. Might,
"And a Beard down to his Knees" solve that?
Personal aside: Did you see "Glowery's" expression change, five seconds into Susan Boyle's song? Was that RICH??

[Jessica]

ahah this poem was so funny and clever!
at first i was skepticle because it's hard for me to focus on long poems but you kept my interest the whole time! nice work! i really enjoyed it!

[Valentine]

David...so glad you lost that writer's block..this is so funny and in America the Reality shows are so plentiful they make me ill..I never watch them..yet if this had been on..I would have been highly tempted..God bless my Aussi mate..Valentine

[raining]

Again, another well crafted tale. Kept me interested. I could see the crowd floating away into space, It was a very strong image. Thanks, Keith

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Your poetry is such a pleasure --- a combination of reality, history, fantasy, historical writings, name-plays, etc. We are all blessed to swim in your sea of imagination. Great job!