Rednecks

You're either one thing or another - in Jackson County.

It was down in Jackson County

Back in 1959,

I was sitting in a parking lot

And necking Peggy Jean,

We'd been breathing hot and heavy,

'Til we misted up the windshield,

Then footsteps started walking round

My Daddy's Oldsmobile.

 

Peggy buttoned up her top, while I

Sat bolt upright, and listened,

Then the door, it sprang wide open

And a hand came reaching in,

Then it grabbed me by the collar,

Dragged me out, although I hollered,

And this guy began to kick me

Like he wants to do me in!

 

It was dark, but there was moonlight, and

I saw he wore a jersey with

Those hoops of red and white just like

The college football team,

He was big and mean and dopey,

And he tried to grab and choke me

Then he hit me and he bit me, said:

'You like my Peggy Jean?'

 

She screamed and ran right over

Slapped his face, and yelled: 'You Doofer!

I ain't never been your gal and you

Ain't never been my man!'

So he stopped and stared right at her

Looking mad, like some Mad Hatter,

Then he mumbled that his Peggy Jean:

'She must have cut and ran!'

 

I took my wounded shoulder to the

Hospital in Boulder, where

They cleaned it, disinfected it,

Then sent me straight back home.

But my head was fairly spinnin'

And my Peggy Jean was grinnin'

'Cos she thought it cute I'd fight for her -

I drove back home alone.

 

My shoulder wouldn't fix, it

Wept and burned, I scratched, it itched,

And for some days my joints were stiff

As if he'd given me some spore,

But my eyes were twice as bright, I saw

Right through the dark at night,

And I could run, right out of sight

Like I could never run before!

 

A month went slowly by, as I

Thought up some alibi for why

I hadn't seen my Peggy Jean,

Or phoned and left a note.

But I didn't want to see her, so

She joined the Cheerleaders, then

Went necking with this football guy

To try and get my goat.

 

But then one day I saw her, in a

Dress, right off the shoulder

And she had a big red love bite

On her neck - No argument!

So I said: 'Them dang mosquito's

Getting big as hot Darito's,

Why, I guess you're now a Redneck,'

And she knew just what I meant.

 

I lay low about a month, just

Messed around and played a hunch,

Got my Jerry Lee collection up

And Buddy Holly too,

Then I went off to the Prom to see

Just what was going on;

There were rednecks all around me

Like some great big Redneck zoo!

 

They were multiplying - Heck!

Great big bites on every neck,

And their eyes had gone all yeller

And their teeth were getting long,

And so over grits and chitlins

I asked Grandpaw, who was whittling,

'Have you ever made a silver bullet, Gramps?'

He said: 'You're wrong!'

 

(I had thought: 'He's getting old,

But he really should be told...')

But he didn't need no telling of

The Rednecks in the town,

He had seen it all before,

Long before the Second War,

And he looked at me, and says:

'Those pesky Vamps are going down!'

 

'What you need are wooden stakes,

Ash or aspen's what it takes,

Though I thought we'd killed 'em all in

Jackson County's last big wake,

When your father was a lad,

They were here, and things were bad,

But we staked them 'til they filled

The cemetery by the lake

 

So I told him what I'd seen,

All the Rednecks, where I'd been,

And we took to walking through the woods

To spy on where they're at,

But the moon above was bright,

In its beam I caught a sight

Of my Gramps, as he turned hairy

Right there, underneath his hat.

 

He dropped down on all his fours

While I felt my face and jaws,

And I suddenly had paws,

Right beneath the haloed moon,

I was soon, to my surprise

Just a wolf, in some disguise,

So we loped downtown together,

Started howlin' out of tune.

 

'I knew when you were bit

This would be the way of it,

I knew you'd end up one thing or

Another, so it's cool!

But these vampires, they need culling

Cause they're always multiplying, and they

Never learn -

In Jackson County...

Werewolves Rule!'

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[☮]

This is very metaphorical. It can be interpreted in many ways. Your double meaning of rednecks is genius.

This can be interpreted as a parallel to what is going on in our country nowadays. Many can be bit and spread certain degenerate traits that turn into society's norm. Then these traits are no longer viewed in the negative, but as normal.

Very interesting and outside of the box. I appreciated this.

[Tom Q]

Trailer trash, bumpkin, redneck, cracker. Freedom of speech interpreted with double standards gives us terms that never offend or demean. Thank god for the advent of the politically correct. It allows expression to flourish among the aristocracy of hypocrisy.

Loved the use of your wording once I got past that.

[R J Askew]

I kept thinking about the Daisy Bree as I read this one, which makes me think the former has the beating of this one. I like the title for this one and I like the whimsy of ...then he hit me and he bit me... and ...then I took my wounded shoulder to the hospital in Boulder... But I sense you heart was not in this one. I also found myself reviewing my own flirtation with vampiric writing. Before joining this site I was not in the least interested in vamps or warewolves at all. Having gone through a brief flirtation with vamps I think it is time to put a stake through any further inclinations to write redneck. I read Bram Stoker years ago and he said it all.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Little different then your norm, but you ability to tell an engrossing story is there. Your gift to entertain and suprise your reader never faulters. Great work as always.

[Tony Hwilka]

Great work, I have to admit half way through the read I almost gave up but I'm so happy I continued what a surprised ending. Tony

[C.T. Bailey]

That blew me away David. Not what I was expecting at all. In these parts, a redneck is something completely different. Fantastic tale with your wonderful twists and turns. I love your smithing and structure. I felt that the scheme really came in strong in this just before the midpoint and continued till the end of the poem. The rhyme was weaker on the first couple of stanzas though. I might also add that here in East Tennessee, we seem to have a lot of hairy women. Not sure if there is any connection with the Jackson County werewolves. Anyway...another terrific write that I have come to love. Thank you for your wonderous imagination!
Todd

[Norma J. Jessee]

David , you have given a whole completely new meaning to the word Red Neck. I love the idea of Were-wolves versing vampires, though I am a fan of neither. This would make a great movie, seriously. Absolutely love the twist, who would have thought ?

Your writing and rhythm are perfect as always

[Leah]

Jesus! That's one heck of a tale. I do love old western vampyre/ werewolf tales. I felt like a movie just went on in my mind while reading it. The imagery was so powerful. Damn you are one awesome Muse. Plethoral, this tale was. I salute you once more.

[Valentine]

I neveer expected that ending..Thgis one is totally different than what you usually write.I like when you do the Aussie or British style of wording the best..Great write none the less..God bless..Valentine