The Non-Event

We decided to offer a non-event

For it hadn’t been done before,

We ordered a super, over-sized tent

And the grass to grow on the floor,

But the tent was cancelled the day it came

And the grass returned to the man,

For who ever heard of a non-event

That ever ran strictly to plan?

 

There are music events, and party events,

And horsey events, equine,

Racing events and crazy events

And lazy events, sublime.

There’s events to do most anything

Which is why I thought it true,

That the most exciting event of the year

Would be one with nothing to do.

 

We’d offer an awesome Rock event

With a band who wouldn’t be there,

And a totally gratis haircut, meant

For the men without any hair.

A skin tattoo for the motley crew

That we know as tits and tatts,

Then tell them the ink was really glue

For manufacturing hats.

 

The roads would be blocked for an hour or less

With the cars that never came,

We’d put the non-event posters up

They could read them all in vain.

I hear we’re up for a Nobel Prize

For giving it up on Lent,

That one and only, never to come see

World Class Non-Event!

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Barbz]

What a treat to look forward to that, celebrations never to be. Relief that there is no planning to do, notations for no one to see. Events hardly planned, and needn't be manned, for we really would not give a darn, if all of the horses with tricks up their sleeves, escaped from all of the barns. No Rock bands we hear, that favor our ear, but actually screw up our head. An hour or more of banging their score, could make me wish I were dead! Oh what a relief, a real non-event. Your concept, a welcome surprise.....most certainly deserving kudos for you, topped off with, perhaps, Nobel Prize! Oh, for a tour thru your head. Great Work, Barbz

[Helen Crutchett]

Unique and so you ! "A non event".... kind of like a Clayton's Event, the one you have when your not having an Event. Well done.

[ANTO]

'And the grass returned to the man,..." - this line took me back - everything was 'the man' - when we were misbehaving in a shop (we were wee terriersas kids) my mum would say - "Look theres the man coming!" which soon cooled our jets lol. What an ace line David.

Free haircuts for the follically challenged - brilliant craic mate !

So.... let me get my head around this
These guys are up for the Nobel for giving up - for Lent - the staging of non-events which weren't never going to be put on in the first place ... sounds feasible ...lol

A cracker this - no doubt inspired by some fete or fair that poor DLP got dragged to that turned out to be such an event. Very enjoyable David - well penned my friend.
:DD

[R Smith]

had a good laugh over this one David, i guess you're back then, have a nice trip ?

[Lizardo]

Wow, what a great poem!
I really imagine it all in my head, and really enjoyed it all!

[MomzillaNC]

ROTFL! What a hilariously snide poem!

[Vishuddha]

Well, tell me when and where. I'll be there, with bells on! Oh, not really because I'm terribly busy these days not doing anything. Also, I have nothing to wear. Besides that, if I want to have a good time all I have to do is read one of your poems.

[Valentine]

Fantastic write, roads blocked by cars that are not there, music coming from nowhere because there is no band, where in the world do you keep coming up with these gems, where do they come from? Loved it..Kathie

[Marie]

This sounds ike something out of ALice in Wonderland. A great non-event for people who would never come. Non-dancing to non-music...A non=-bar serving non-alcholocs drinks--no drinks at all, for that matter...