Bad Christmas!

A Poem by David Lewis Paget

I’ve had a terrible day today

The horse had broken a shoe,

I had to get to the marketplace

And didn’t know what to do,

So I borrowed the neighbour’s horse and cart

Was stopped by the local cop,

He said that the stuff on the neighbour’s cart

Had been stolen, from a shop!

He wouldn’t believe it wasn’t mine

And locked me up in a cell,

I’m being done for the stolen goods

And the stolen cart as well.

It took them hours to bail me out

Then I had to walk back home,

Fifteen miles to the mountain top

And the tongue of a rabid crone.

‘Why do you always do these things,

Why is it always you?

The guy next door, he never gets caught

But he’s so much smarter - True!’

I didn’t think she’d ever give up,

My dinner was down the drain,

They say that marriage is so much bliss,

Then why is there so much pain?

The kids were screaming about the place

When they should have been in bed,

She said she couldn’t control them, but

At least the kids were fed.

I bit a crust that was far too old

And it almost broke my teeth,

Then saw the thing was covered in mould,

All that I want is Sleep!

‘All that I want is sleep,’ I said

As I staggered off to my room,

It seemed a conspiracy overhead

Was acting out in the gloom,

A crash, a clash on the tiles above

I thought it was drunken Joe,

He’s always fooling about at night,

Him and his ‘Ho ho ho!’

The wife snuck into the bedroom then

And she said, ‘Don’t make a peep!

Or Father Christmas will hear you, Ben,

You ought to be sound asleep!’

My eyes bugged out and I leapt on up

Flung open the window wide,

‘And how do you think I’m supposed to sleep

With you pissing about outside!’

I heard the chomping of many teeth

And a very distinctive ‘Neigh!’

Stuck my head out so far that I

Could see this silver sleigh.

I yelled, ‘Hey get off my effing roof,

You’re damaging all my tiles!’

And then this guy in a bright red suit

Looked down, his face all smiles.

All he could say was ‘Ho ho ho’,

He’d come from some funny farm,

I yelled, ‘Do you want a bunch of fives?’

He started to look alarmed.

I heard the rattle of antler horns

As he started to ride away,

I couldn’t believe my eyes to see

It was Santa’s Silver Sleigh!

They’ve stuck me out in the doghouse here,

I had to kick out the dog,

But found, at least, that his rug was fleece

I could sleep at last, like a log.

There’d better not be another day

Like this, as I said to Steve,

‘You’d think that someone would warn me when

It’s coming up Christmas Eve!’

David Lewis Paget

© 2014 David Lewis Paget

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Avinash

Inertia of triviality of everyday can drain any hope of celebration, especially for a person who is having a bad day. I too started my day today on similar note when my trimmer got broken and while I tried to fix it, I had to unscrew the electric panel where its broken part was stuck. Already one hour late for office. Now if Santa comes my with a package, I would too bugger him off.