House Proud!

I only wanted a quiet life

Was the first thought that I had,

When the woman beat on my cedar door,

I thought that she must be mad.

She beat and beat, and would not retreat

Though I begged her just to go,

But she cried, ‘He’s going to murder me,

You must let me in, I know!’

 

I peered out through a crack in the door

Just to see the woman’s face,

Her lips were bloody, her eye was black

And the tears had left their trace,

I groaned I wouldn’t become involved

But knew in the end I would,

I opened the door and let her in,

Her hands were covered in blood.

 

‘Don’t drip that blood on the carpet!’

She just turned to me with a shrug,

‘I’ve taken the carpet cleaner back

I borrowed to clean the rug!’

Too late, too late, as she smeared the blood

All over my pristine wall,

‘Are you callous or just plain crazy?

He’ll be coming to kill us all!’

 

‘Then why did you come to me,’ I cried,

‘There’s a hundred doors out there,

Go pick on another married fool

With a life lived in despair.

I never fell for the gender trap

For it always ends like this,

A bottle of Jack with a drunken lout

Who had promised married bliss.’

 

I steered her into the bathroom, ran

The taps as I heard him roar,

‘Come out you blanketty wilful witch

Or I’ll have to beat down the door!’

My cedar door with the frosted glass

That I only installed in June,

I heard a splinter, and then a crash

As he burst on into the room.

 

I pointed the shaft of the toilet brush

At him, from under a towel,

‘I’ve got a gun and I’ll use it!’ But

All that he did was howl.

A bullet whistled on past my head

And shattered the shower screen,

‘I swear I’ll blow you to Kingdom Come

If you don’t come now, Doreen!’

 

‘For God’s sake, give it a rest,’ she said,

As she washed the blood away,

Wiped her hands on my nice clean towel

As I groaned in my dismay,

He put the gun in his pocket, dropped

His head and began to weep,

‘Is this the guy you’ve been seeing then?’

‘What him? The guy is a creep!’

 

‘He’s more concerned with his carpet

Than a lady in distress,

I’d rather you with your Looney Toons

Though you tend to make a mess.’

She walked on up and she kissed him

And they walked out hand in hand,

‘Who’s going to pay for the damage, then?’

I called, but they had gone.

 

I never answer a beating door

No matter how long they knock,

I call out, ‘Sorry, I’m not at home,’

As I click the fifteenth lock,

A beaten wife is a world of strife

For the man who intervenes,

The bodies may pile outside my door

But I keep my carpets clean.

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Mark]

I have had two opportunities to rescue damsels in distress, and am elated to say I never gave the first thought to the well-being of my carpets...though in the latter case I DID lose my job for it (a drunken, off-duty dishman had forced his way into the kitchen to assail his girlfriend, and I intervened), I would do it again in a heartbeat. This fellow needs a sharp dose of Priority Straightening, methinks--pray God someone wired as he is is NOT the nearest intercessor when HE needs help!

P.S. This really is SICK, DAvid--this poem only posted about ten minutes, and has already thirteen views, but mine the only REview!! What's WRONG with these people??

[Erjon Mann]

From 100 doors the women had chosen that!I think that this poem is a metaphor of how life can be Ironic and sarcastic and yeah stupid!

[A Soap Mess Stories]

It does make you rethink helping out others in need? Nicely written.

[Raymond Federle]

This is a post modern Shakespeare/Poe piece my friend....EXCELLENT!

[Marie]

Well, if I'd just cleaned my carpet, I certainly wouldn't want someone dripping blood on it. I don't blame the guy. His clean towels, his pristine wall...

Well, fifteen locks should be enough to keep people out. (That one made me smile).

[TL Boehm]

WOW. I'm not even sure how to review this little gem. The sentiment behind it. A thumb to the nose for those impassioned types. its a stellar story and those last two lines just cemented it for me. Wonderful poem.

[A. Amos]

David another poetry read like a amazing story, was hooked and thinking what will happen next.......
Clean carpet surprised me ..... Another good write..

[Ahena MK]

I never fell for the gender trap
For it always ends like this,
ahena