War of Words

The brothers Carmody, Jim and John

Were hooked on the keyboard wars,

While growing up, they’d never got on

It was always, ‘Mine, not yours!’

Jim would destroy his brother’s bed

John was more subtle than that,

He’d battery acid his brother’s clothes,

Burn holes in his favourite hat.

 

They lived just barely a mile apart

When they both left home for good,

If one ran into the other, then

They’d part in a surly mood,

So each had opened a Facebook page

To put the other one down,

Where Jim said, ‘You can’t control your rage!’

And John said Jim was a clown.

 

They both got married, their wives joined in

To this internecine war,

‘I hear your Betty’s seen round the town

On a bicycle built for four!’

‘Your Jillian picked up the second prize

When she won a date with you,

The ugliest guy in the neighbourhood

And that was the third prize, too.’

 

Jim sprayed bleach on his brother’s lawn,

John was as sly as a fox,

One night he crept to his brother’s place

Set fire to his letterbox.

The knives were out, there were no holds barred

‘Til the night of the power blackout,

They each paused over the enter key

With a message to chill them out.

 

‘I’m ready to bomb your citadel,

And nobody will survive!’

‘My crew is coming to do for you,

You’ll never get out alive!’

They hit the keys as the power went out

The messages couldn’t be traced,

They’d flown unguided from each P.C.

And travelled in cyberspace.

 

Three hundred years they would float adrift

The Carmody boys, long dead,

With thirteen generations of theirs

Not knowing what each one said.

Their words, unscrambled in outer space

Would alight on an alien shore,

Where the native Rogons got what they wished,

An excuse for planetary war!

 

‘They’re coming to bomb our Citadel,’

Said the Chief of the Rogons, Vork,

‘We’d better send out our nuclear fleet,

This Earth is sparring for war!’

The fleet set out on their ten year hike

On their mission through hyperspace,

The Orkon Fleet was heading on back,

They’d been to the very same place!

 

‘They sent a message to us as well,

Were sending a crew to attack,

They said we wouldn’t get out alive,

We couldn’t put up with that!

We blasted Earth to a thousand bits

That are floating out by the stars,

They’ll never be threatening us again…

Come on, we’ll race you to Mars!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Tate Morgan]

LOL well that will teach em lol Facebook does us in .That makes sense it has led to so much unhappiness and discontent as everyone can see their friends are much happier than they are. I like the young people they have a thousand pictures all of them,selves perfectly posed in all the places one wants to be seen . And not a frown to be found.Not a true life is to be found there either

[Lena M. P.]

Oh that was a hoot. Well wars have been started on less. Nicely penned and a great spoof.

[Marie]

Another great story. It pays to be careful what you sent out over the Internet...it never goes away...

I once had a terrible fight with someone over the Internet...it was bloody, no holds barred...I didnt know it could be done, but it could...

[emmajoy]

Ya, sucks, booo: ' ‘Your Jillian picked up the second prize ~ When she won a date with you, ~ The ugliest guy in the neighbourhood ~ And that was the third prize, too.’

Laughing and a few apologies for that. Seems to me that the young DLP is still hiding inside you.. so much going on between brothers, such beastly games, and that ending involving those space based Rogons retaliating against the beastly brothers.. (not quite Grimm!) Powerful stuff.. and as ever, a story told in superb meter/metre, And, well worth a hundred reviews as of the magical NOW!