Saving the Sea

‘I used to work for the council here,’

Said ‘Ripper’ Jones at the bar,

Fortified with a Beam or two

And a pint of the best, Three Star,

Trelawney winked at the barman and

The barman, he winked back,

‘We’re in for another ripper yarn,’

Said the bearded Cousin Jack.

 

‘They always gave me the dirty jobs,

It was always just my luck,

They’d point to me, say, ‘Ripper’s free,

Break out the tipper truck!

You know, that beast with seven gears

But only three of them worked,

The brakes were non-existent, and

The Foreman, he was a jerk!’

 

‘We used to call him Father Time

He was always on the prowl,

Calling time to the Smoko breaks

With an ever present scowl.’

He said, ‘Pick up that giant rock

In the Commer Tipper Truck,

The ocean’s sprung a giant leak

And we have to seal it up!’

 

‘It took us a crane to lift this rock

It was seven feet across,

‘This mother has to be fifteen tons,’

Said my mate, crane driver Ross.

‘What did he say you need it for?’

He yelled, in a sort of screech,

‘I have to drive it down to the shore,

There’s a great big hole in the beach!’

 

‘The Commer sank right down on its springs,

This rock, a hell of a load,

I had to drive it in second gear

With the tyres flat on the road,

I finally made it down to the shore

And thought, ‘I must be a mug!’

The sea was circling round the hole

Like a bath when you pull out the plug.

 

I had to wait for an hour or two

‘Til it emptied out the bay,

All you could see was a dry seabed

For a mile or so, each way,

Then I drove the truck right up to the hole,

Thinking to tip it in,

When a giant geyser of steam shot up,

The sea was turning to steam.’

 

‘You know what the brakes on that truck were like,

They hadn’t been fixed for years,

I thought I’d better get out of there

Or it all would end in tears.

But the truck rolled forward, over the hole

And began to sink right in,

While I climbed out of the window there

Determined to save my skin.’

 

‘The truck sank down, under the rock

And it plugged that head of steam,

You could barely see the tip of the tray

When the tide came rolling in,

And that’s the rock you go fishing off,

You can say it was down to me,

While you were throwing your schooners back

I was out there, saving the sea!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[minisla]

Found this hilarious David. Loved the characters names and the description of the machinery used.

[Lena M. P.]

David, a tall tale tis true but a funny one at that. Thanks for making me smile. Make me want to swig a Guinness.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I always love it when a poem leaves me with a smile. This is precious.

[Katie Lynn]

I can only wish that some day I will be able to write a narrative as wonderfully as you do! you're a brilliant man, David. :)

[Tate Morgan]

You belong to the liars club and twist a yarn with the best of them

[annie lee]

What a great yarn! You have an enormous talent for these pieces: the way you set the scene, describe the characters; you do it with an economy of words, but the picture is vivid in our sight. I enjoyed this very much.

[A Soap Mess Stories]

Another good story as always David!

[Talal Hussain]

Such a nice story...loved it :-)

[Marie]

Good story.Love the names and the dialogue...One wonders what would hae happened if Ripper hadn't been there...