The Upside of Down

The SatNav said, ‘Turn left ahead,

There’s going to be a crash,

A dozen cars are headed in

For one almighty smash!’

I slammed my foot down on the brake

And pulled off to the verge,

As other drivers honked and cursed

And flew past, in a surge.

 

I think my mouth fell open as

I stared down at the screen,

An LED was pulsing red

Ahead, at Winson Green,

‘Would you repeat the last command,’

I muttered, still in shock,

‘Sit here and wait, avoid your fate,

Five minutes on the clock!’

 

The papers said the lights had failed

When they came out next day,

A dozen cars had met head on,

Three died in that affray,

I didn’t dare say anything

In case they thought me mad,

An Oracle SatNav indeed,

I shook my head - How sad!

 

I lay awake in bed at dawn

I hadn’t been to sleep,

The automatic toaster by

The bed began to speak,

‘Get up, get up,’ and popped the toast,

Its usual discourse,

But then, ‘you’d better get downstairs

And check the neighbour’s horse.’

 

The horse was in the living room

Had come in from outside,

Had gifted us a steaming pile

Right there, on Maggie’s pride.

‘That rug will never be the same,’

I shouted at the horse:

‘I saw the door was open, so

I just came in, of course!’

 

A talking horse? It couldn’t be,

I went to see the quack,

‘I keep on hearing funny things,’

I said, he turned his back.

‘I think my ears are playing up,’

I motioned with my thumb,

He shook his head, I’d quite forgot

The Doc was deaf and dumb.

 

My life is quite impossible

I must admit defeat,

As phones and televisions all

Abuse me in the street,

But I never seem to hear the wife

Who tends to scream and shout,

So it seems there’s still an upside

When you’re going mad - No doubt!

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

You better lay off the ale, my friend. :-) I love it when you let your sense of humor show. I particularly love the sound of your voice, which is ever present in everything you write. I think it would be nice to have a storyteller by my side at night. There's no telling where my dreams might lead.

Well done.

[emmajoy]

'The horse was in the living room ~ Had come in from outside, ~ Had gifted us a steaming pile ~ Right there, on Maggie’s pride.'

LAUGHING! What a wonderful ending, naughty man! Really not sure what to make of this long list of very strange events, words coming at you from all sides. Seems as if having been saved, you're now in for life on another plane! As ever, David, you write in the finest metre and with a unique sense of near warped humour .. love it! :)

[Ripped Denim 💜]

Fantastic! I really enjoyed this portrait of a few tumultuous days, spanning adrenaline, providence, humorous ire, and contented eccentricity. :-)