Some Sad Dream

I once had youth

But it has gone

Somewhere the sun

Has never shone,

I seek it like

A long lost fable,

In dark lofts

When I am able.

 

It must be hid

In pills and lotions,

Facial creams

And magic potions,

Once I had

Both youth and grace,

A spritely form

And fair of face.

 

But then some evil

Goblin, Elf

Came by and took

Youth for itself,

I woke one day

Like Rip van Winkle,

Shoulders bowed

And skin all wrinkled.

 

So now I peer

In empty jars

Inject botox

To hide my scars,

And ban all mirrors

From reflecting

What my youth

Has long been wrecked in.

 

But youth it hides

In years long past

So I’ll not find

The truth at last…

That youth was never

What it seemed,

But some sad dream

A dreamer dreamed.

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Our humanity is so fragile. Reflected in the mirror, it readily defines you by the day, in the reflection of the eyes of society. When we are young, we lack the depth of understanding to appreciate our beauty. Then, just as we have gotten ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritally aright, our bodies begin to fall apart. Life is the ultimate irony, and God is a comedian.

[minisla]

They say it's all in the mind. Which is true in a sense.

[DCT ponderings]

The last stanza on this piece was the kicker for me. For truly youth is wasted on the young. It isn't until we have years reflected under our eyes, mapped across our face that we truly under stand the sad dream a dreamer dreamed. Wonderful.

[Baby Ricochet]

Mr Paget this is awesome.

[SyberRose]

I really loved this...as we all can relate to your poem David...Enjoyed very much...Rose:)

[Onku Ghosh]

I totally agree with James.You are the best poet i have come across so far.
In our pursuit of youth we tend to forget its illusive nature. why can't we age gracefully accepting old age as inevitable.Why need we inject Botox and rub anti aging creams to hold on to youth?

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear David

I have found, since I arrived on this site a couple of months ago, you to be amongst the Top Writers every time I look.

Your reputation goes before you with for example our mutual friend Tate Morgan who has often talked to me about your writing and lauded it.

So I thought I would pop over and see why.

And now I understand completely.

I shall give this a very structured review as that is what it richly deserves.

1) Structure: 5 stanzas, each of 8 lines long.

2) Rhyme: Highly fixed in every stanza in the pattern abcbdefe. That is the 2nd and 4th lines always rhyme as do the 6th and the 8th.

3) Rhythm: There is no fixed pattern but each stanza works between 3 and 5 syllables. The average is 4. Whatever way you look at it, there is certainly a regular beat of the drum.

4) Punctuation: You choose more or less to fully punctuate. I like consistency. Either do or don't. So you match my personal taste.

5) Use of English: You do not seek complexity. The words you use fit easily amongst the everyday in the English Lexicon.

6) Allusion / metaphor: You use it liberally - 'sun' 'fable' 'dark lofts' 'magic potions' 'spritely' 'Goblin' 'Elf' 'Rip van Winkle'

7) Meaning: There are those who like to write in an opaque way, tempting the reader to guess their meaning or be left to find their own. There are others who seek to keep it transparent. Both have equal validity. You seek the latter.

My take in brief summary?

The play between youth and age. As we get older we try to hide the years until we get to the point when we wonder whether we were ever young at all.

8) Favourite lines / impact / feel

As for feel, there is something tragicomic about the poem. It send itself up in a way. I can feel the two forces operating in apposition throughout.

Impact? Well as we get older, who is not going to relate to the message except the young who mistakenly believe youth is eternal? Hence it was a always to quote your last lines:

'But some sad dream
A dreamer dreamed.'

A few other of my favourite lines:

First lift:

'I seek it like
A long lost fable,
In dark lofts
When I am able'

The words you express with ease in rhyme but with profound meaning.

Second lift:

'I woke one day
Like Rip van Winkle,
Shoulders bowed
And skin all wrinkled.'

Here is see the comic part of the message coming out in your perfect rhyming scheme. More, just as the 6th and 8th line rhyme, the 6th and the 8th also have the same the same 5 syllable count.

Last lift and the precursor to your conclusion that youth was only a dream dreamt when young.

'But youth it hides
In years long past
So I’ll not find
The truth at last…';

Part of the attraction here is that not only do you rhyme as before but each line is four syllables long.

9) Overview: A highly structured piece of verse, in short lines, which deals with the age old question of growing older. Yet it is expressed in way that has a small each of humour to the tragic facts of life.

Highly accomplished and honed writing.

I hope you find this review of help.

But I have this funny feeling, you don't need any help at all in producing verse of this quality.

With my warmest regards


James Hanna-Magill

[Lena M. P.]

So very true. But I like to say that I am proud of every wrinkle and scar since I fought hard and earned everyone. Good poem. Off your usual tempo but very smooth reading.

[Ravyne Hawke]

I am still trying to hang on to youth, but my body is telling me otherwise, at least my mind is still youthful, for now. This is an excellent piece, David. I can so relate.

[Fréyjä Helv..]

Sad story for one obsessed with his/her youth. Great story