Zombie

I’d never believed in the living dead

In the movies of the time,

Though the wife curled up in a foetal ball

At zombies, covered in slime,

I said, ‘Well, why do you watch it then

If it’s going to freak you out?’

But she’d lie in bed in a constant dread

And she’d sometimes scream, and shout.’

 

She’d say, ‘Do you think they could come back,

Come clawing out of the ground,

Creeping up from the graveyard to

Surround us, here in the town?’

‘I hardly think it likely,’ I would say,

‘Because they’re dead!’

But that was before a knock on the door

And standing there was Fred.

 

I was sitting reading the paper when

I heard Miranda scream,

I found her there at the open door

With a nightmare, not a dream.

This guy was standing, dripping with mud

And grass shoots in his hair,

He said, ‘I’ve come for Miranda,

And I’m not prepared to share!’

 

I looked at her in confusion, said

‘Just what’s this all about?’

Miranda wasn’t coherent, she

Just stood with an open mouth.

He said, ‘I’m Miranda’s husband

And I’ve come, just like I said.’

Miranda uttered a funny croak,

And said, ‘You can’t, you’re dead!’

 

I knew that she’d buried a husband

Just before we two had met,

But that had been seven years before,

It’s not like you’d forget.

But there he was in the flesh, although

The flesh was rather green,

His hair was matted and tangled,

And I wondered, where had he been?

 

We sat him down in the kitchen and

She made him a cup of tea,

While I went out in the car, and drove

Around to the cemetery.

His grave was all in a shambles with

The headstone at a lean,

A gaping hole to the coffin, then

I knew that he was unclean!

 

‘We’ve got us a real zombie,’ was

The first thought in my head,

What do you do with your partner’s ex

When your partner’s ex is dead?

When I got back they were having a chat

While she combed the mud from his hair,

Just like a good little zombie’s wife,

While I could just stand and stare.

 

I made a call to the bishop, who

Said it was plain to see,

If he, like Lazarus, had come back

Our marriage was bigamy!

I asked Miranda, ‘Who do you want

Your ex, or me, or what?’

She said she couldn’t make up her mind,

He’d been pretty good in the cot!

 

I thought, ‘That’s it!’ and I got my gun

And I put a hole in his head,

The Sheriff came and he told the wife,

‘You can’t kill a dead man dead!’

So we buried him back in the same old grave

To save the expense of a new,

But Miranda went back to her mother’s then,

Said, ‘I’m not living with you!’

 

David Lewis Paget

 

 

Reviews

[emmajoy]

' ‘We’ve got us a real zombie,’ was ~ The first thought in my head, ~ What do you do with your partner’s ex ~ When your partner’s ex is dead? '

So glad people couldn't and can't hear me laughing and roaring like a runaway train .. this is wonderful.. realll y is! Goodness knows where you find your inspiration for some of your posts, specially this one. Out of the world maybe?! What amazes me is that you can be funny, humourous, crazy, whatever, and still stick to incredibly fine meter.

Just read it for the third time, trying to find THE stanza that hits the spot but they're all so clever and funny.. will just leave my review opening .. until i change it again!

[Robert James Parfett]

Brilliant! I love the dark humour of your latest poems. I laughed a lot at the thought of the zombie sitting down for a cup of tea! I thought living ex partners were bad enough, but a zombie ex is much worse!