If Only I'd Cared...

How did I lose you, I confess

It couldn’t be love, but carelessness,

I thought the years in their passing might

Be spent in caring, and bind us tight.

 

For I was there in the days untold

To watch your faltering steps unfold,

To see you when I came home at night

And rock your cradle in pure delight.

 

I lit the fires with a paper spill

Protecting you from the winter chill

And prayed for you to the Lord above

For sending his gentle sign of love.

 

I watched you form, I watched you grow

And sometimes had to be strict, I know,

But did whatever I could to guide

With the love that I felt for you, inside.

 

Then one day, off in the world you went

To the great adventure life had sent,

And still I followed you, day by day

In your youthful follies and wayward way.

 

And wasn’t I there when you came back home

With an open door from your urge to roam?

I tried to nurture the friend in you

As a father’s love has a need to do.

 

Then you had little ones of your own

And the years sped by, the children grown

You fought and struggled and did your best

Then you, like me had an empty nest.

 

But you grew bitter and full of doubt

And questioned what life was all about,

While I still offered a caring hand

In hopes that your grieving heart would mend.

 

I may be old and you’re not so young

Though still I was proud to call you son,

But now, for reasons I just can’t see

You seem to have turned your back on me.

 

Your cruel words, like a pointed dart

Have finally broken this old man’s heart,

I wouldn’t be feeling this bleak distress

If only I’d cared not more, but less.

 

David Lewis Paget

 

 

Reviews

[Foxemerald]

What a phenomenal and realistic read, that caters well to the thoughts that spiral through the mindsof those who live in the rich context of age, and circle of people that live in its passage. It seems as though we're always aware of this context when we're around someone much older or much younger than we are. I understand its implications more when I'm around my grandmother. There are always the typical platitudes of relation, comparisons to other family members, and musings about character and how children uniquely mature. In between these gentle thoughts, that make little impression, there is the ocassional line that consists of what we really think, especially when one starts to feel the detriments of age- 'if only I did not care so much, I would not hurt so.' A wholesome and nutritious write, with substantial truth to it.

[cynthiabuhainbaello]

This is sad, but it happens to us parents, and we have these thoughts. The poem is brilliant David, and showed the part of you that is very human. Written with tender affection and painful realization, it touches any reader's heart and leaves a lingering connection.

[Keith]

Great work, felt every word - getting a bit close to the bone.

[Acucena G.]

wonderful piece, you made me feel myself in the poem , great job

[carol burgess romance]

As a grandmother this poem strikes fear in my heart...such pain for a parent...filled with honest emotion ....you have such a great way with words

[Carol Ann Ross]

I've always said that I hope my son comes to his senses before I die, so I can forgive him. No doubt - your child will have regrets.

[SyberRose]

I had to take a deep breath after reading this...as a parent I felt every word you said,
Heartfelt indeed. We always forgive our children no matter what...thats why they take us for granted...because we are always there for them...good or bad...wrong or right.
Unconditional love...SyberRose

[minisla]

That is one of the most heart rendering stories I've read David. So true in many situations. Thumbs up for honesty

[TL Boehm]

offspring are our greatest treasure and our worst nightmare. Often wrapped up in the same child. This one hit home. I found myself hoping that this is just a story - but it reads so true it gives me an ache in my gut.

[Saumya]

keep writing!!!!!