Snakes Alive!A Poem by David Lewis PagetHe sat out back in his deck chair Half asleep, and reading a book, His wife was bustling round the
place She had the dinner to cook, But then she heard a disturbance And the old man gave a shout, ‘Hey Martha, come out and help me Or my lights are going out!’ She put her head round the
kitchen door, “For God’s sake, what’s it now? I’ve got a roast in the oven, And it’s huge, like half a cow.’ The old man’s voice sounded
desperate, And it soon began to break, ‘You’d better call me an ambulance, I’ve been bitten by a snake!’ She ran outside to where he sat And scanned, look round about, ‘I can’t see any old snake out
here, It was just a dream, no doubt.’ ‘I tell you woman it bit me, Just came at me like a train, I think it was a Black Mamba, Bit my leg, and God, the pain!’ ‘It couldn’t be a Black Mamba,
Fred, We don’t get them round here, Just calm yourself and I’ll go
inside And I’ll bring you out a beer.’ ‘I tell you I need an ambulance, Call one, don’t mess about!’ ‘I don’t think we can afford one,
dear, It’s probably only gout.’ The old man’s face was twisted in
pain He seemed quite lost for words, He had a head full of adjectives But they got mixed up with verbs, ‘I need some antivenom, Martha, Go and make the call.’ ‘Are you sure it wasn’t the kitten, Fred, It’s playful, after all!’ ‘I don’t think the kitten is six
feet long Or slithers without its legs, The kitten is just a ginger Tom, Do I really have to beg? Just call me the bloody ambulance My leg is going numb, I’ve only got twenty minutes, After that, well, I’ll be done.’ ‘You’re always making a fuss, you
are About every little thing, I’ll make a call to your brother, He can come and take you in.’ ‘He lives on the other side of
town, It will take him far too long, Do you really want to be rid of
me? God! - where did I go wrong?’ He felt his tongue beginning to
swell Until he could barely talk, ‘I thaid it wath a bloody great
thnake, It thlid, it didn’t walk.’ ‘Well, why are you talking funny,
Fred, I thought I’d hidden the Red, Have you been tippling on out
here?’ Fred’s eyes were up in his head. Fred was deep in convulsions when The ambulance turned in, Then followed the undertaker with A box to put him in, ‘If only he’d told me what to do, His head was like a sieve, And you know Fred,’ she shook her
head, ‘So argumentative!’ David Lewis Paget © 2013 David Lewis PagetFeatured Review
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