On the Lam

‘I’m going away today,’ he said,

‘I’m going away for good!’

We looked at his suitcase, neatly packed,

‘We don’t really think you should!’

 

‘It doesn’t matter a fig to me

Whatever you want me to,

I said that I’m going away, I did,

And that’s what I’m going to do.’

 

The wife looked beat, admitted defeat,

And stalked back into the house,

While I sat down on the garden wall

And stomped on the odd wood louse.

 

‘So where do you think you’ll spend the night

When it comes to the end of the day,

When the Moon comes up and the lights go out

And the Wolves begin to bay?’

 

He sulked, ‘I’ll be on a pirate ship,

With Long John What’s-is-name,

I’ll sit right up in the Crows Nest

Spotting the ships on the Spanish Main.’

 

‘But what if a cannonball takes your leg

And chops it off at the knee,

They’ve got no doctors on pirate ships

Out in that terrible sea.’

 

‘Well, maybe I won’t,’ he faltered,

Maybe I’ll go to the Hemlock Inn,

And sup on the stuff that pirates sup

And get me a mug of gin!’

 

‘I think it’s rum that you’re thinking of,

And that’s some terrible stuff,

It causes your head to twirl and spin

‘Til your ears come falling off.’

 

‘I’ll ride on a double-decker bus,

I’ll do what I want to do,

Nothing you say will change my mind

I'm not going to live with you!’

 

‘That’s sad, I’ll just have to eat them all,

Those humbugs up in the jar,

And the fairy cakes that your mother makes

While I’m looking up at the stars.’

 

‘That’s it, I’m going away,’ he said,

‘I’m taking off on the Lam.’

‘Be careful the police don’t pick you up,

They turn little boys to jam!’

 

He headed off to the first Lamp Post,

Then stopped, and swivelled to see,

If I was following with my eyes,

But I’d turned my gaze to a tree.

 

He took another few faltering steps,

Then turned and wandered back home,

‘I thought I’d stay for the fairy cakes,

I’m not quite ready to roam.’

 

The dog came out and he bounded up

And they played around on the lawn,

I called out, ‘Mother, the pirate’s back,

His ship was lost in a storm!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Patricia B. Hepler]

Reminds me of the day my youngest son decided to run away - he placed a sandwich in a paper bag, tossed in a few toys and walked down our long driveway. He sat there, watching the world go by until he decided to return home on his own. I know what he had done - I had watched his every step with tears in my eyes for I knew my son would truly leave home on a future, far away day....
Thank you for returning this memory to my heart.
pat

[Marie]

It's good that home is always there to come back to.

[Damien Davison]

Nice one, Something a lot of men wish they could do I would imagine! I often go on the lam heh... Well used to anyway. Thanks for sharing!

[Valentine]

Very funny..sounds a bit like someone I used to know..always going to go but..her cooking was too good..Another greaat one David..Thanks for the chuckle..I needed it today..Valentine