The Garden of Helen de Grues

She’d bought the old McWilliams place

In the Valley of Compère,

After McWilliams hanged himself

In an orgy of despair,

The Banks were ripe to foreclose on him

When his stocks went through the floor,

And he shot and wounded the bailiff

Nailing the notice to his door.

 

She got the place for a snap, they said,

Knocked down to the only bid,

The neighbours went to the auction just

To see what the stranger did,

One finger up at the starting price

And she stared the sniggers down,

A South American beauty, she

Was new to our border town.

 

The weather was hot and sultry as

It was at that time of year,

More humid down in the valley, too

Uncomfortable living there,

We wondered whether she knew just what

She’d bought, it wasn’t the views,

Old Mac had planted all carnivores

She found, did Helen de Grues.

 

The place was a tropical stew down there

But there wasn’t a single fly,

With all of the Venus fly-traps there

They came and they saw, to die,

The river meandered past her place

But mosquito’s were nowhere around,

For all of the pesky insects there

That place was a killing ground.

 

We thought that she’d rip them out, but no,

She added a thousand more,

Brought species from South America that

We’d not even heard of before,

There were pitfall traps like you’ve never seen

And they grew like steam in the heat,

And they took small birds and reptiles when

They’d not had enough to eat.

 

The Mayor called on Helen de Grues

To tell her the latest spin,

The council was seizing half of her land,

And putting a highway in,

She fought like a savage tigress,

Took the councillors all to court,

‘You’re far too late,’ said the magistrate,

‘You should have checked what you’d bought!’

 

The plans allowed for an easement, they

Could do with it what they would,

And a highway down to Disaster Bay

Was planned, submitted, approved,

But Helen put a good face on it,

Invited the councillors down,

She put on a spread, on the land where they said

They would rip her plants from the ground.

 

The councillors never went back again,

Most of them never got home,

The giant Nepenthes saw to that

As they stripped each one to the bone,

The Mayor was lost by the river bank,

She said he couldn’t be sillier,

‘It wasn’t a plant,’ said Helen de Grues,

‘But a giant Crocodilia!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Valentine]

Another good one David..the end caught me and I had to laugh as we have some of them in southern Arkansas, while my husband was fidhing down there he saw some. Revenge can sometimes be sweet or vengeful..wonder which one you world chose..love to Lyn and you..Kathie

[David Scott]

Enjoyed the story very much. This one did not flow as easily for me as many others of yours, but so what... You rock! Ha. Love your work.

[Marie]

An excellent way to deal with varments...

[roarke]

Seems Miss Helen might have brought a few thing to "plant" herself... didn't realize you were such a Horticulturist David....
and then there's those state easements, for the greater good. Many rural properties back east succumbed to the trailing vine choking of new highways....

If only all politicians could be dispatched so readily. GREAT write.