The Garden of Helen de Grues

She’d bought the old McWilliams place

In the Valley of Compère,

After McWilliams hanged himself

In an orgy of despair,

The Banks were ripe to foreclose on him

When his stocks went through the floor,

And he shot and wounded the bailiff

Nailing the notice to his door.

 

She got the place for a snap, they said,

Knocked down to the only bid,

The neighbours went to the auction just

To see what the stranger did,

One finger up at the starting price

And she stared the sniggers down,

A South American beauty, she

Was new to our border town.

 

The weather was hot and sultry as

It was at that time of year,

More humid down in the valley, too

Uncomfortable living there,

We wondered whether she knew just what

She’d bought, it wasn’t the views,

Old Mac had planted all carnivores

She found, did Helen de Grues.

 

The place was a tropical stew down there

But there wasn’t a single fly,

With all of the Venus fly-traps there

They came and they saw, to die,

The river meandered past her place

But mosquito’s were nowhere around,

For all of the pesky insects there

That place was a killing ground.

 

We thought that she’d rip them out, but no,

She added a thousand more,

Brought species from South America that

We’d not even heard of before,

There were pitfall traps like you’ve never seen

And they grew like steam in the heat,

And they took small birds and reptiles when

They’d not had enough to eat.

 

The Mayor called on Helen de Grues

To tell her the latest spin,

The council was seizing half of her land,

And putting a highway in,

She fought like a savage tigress,

Took the councillors all to court,

‘You’re far too late,’ said the magistrate,

‘You should have checked what you’d bought!’

 

The plans allowed for an easement, they

Could do with it what they would,

And a highway down to Disaster Bay

Was planned, submitted, approved,

But Helen put a good face on it,

Invited the councillors down,

She put on a spread, on the land where they said

They would rip her plants from the ground.

 

The councillors never went back again,

Most of them never got home,

The giant Nepenthes saw to that

As they stripped each one to the bone,

The Mayor was lost by the river bank,

She said he couldn’t be sillier,

‘It wasn’t a plant,’ said Helen de Grues,

‘But a giant Crocodilia!’

 

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[Valentine]

Another good one David..the end caught me and I had to laugh as we have some of them in southern Arkansas, while my husband was fidhing down there he saw some. Revenge can sometimes be sweet or vengeful..wonder which one you world chose..love to Lyn and you..Kathie

[JM Russell]

Very funny. I loved the ending.

[A.r. Bazian]

a very decent piece my friend!
well writtern!
i must say... as imaginative and powerful as this is, it is nonetheless, not your best work!
but still... very firm and vivid!
i love your schemes!

[MOON]

Politicians should be overthrown like the monarchy . Way past their sell by date. Lovely write.

[A Soap Mess Stories]

Good story....

[Mic]

Take a walk through Helen's garden, smell the roses, ponder. Ha! Fun read!

Excellent write, Mr. Paget.

[spiritwind]

Your imagination stuns me. Absolutely stuns me. And I must be a rotten person because I laughed at those government officials' fate!

[Enid Blake]

A fitting result for the councillors I feel - lol ;)

[Lena M. P.]

There's a few government officials that I would love to feed to plants and crocs! LOL This reminded me of an old movie where the plants took over and the venus fly trap ate people. Loved this. Quite spooky.

[Tate Morgan]

Well now that gives new meaning to governing by consensuses doesnt it? In the states they call this imminent domain.A license to steal really.I like this one reminds me of a few of my relatives lol.Hope you are well its off to St Louis tonight