House of DreamsA Poem by David Lewis PagetThe
house was ready to move right in When
Jane and John were wed, A
wall in the lounge was a TV screen And
another, over their bed, It
was fitted with every gadget That
could open, close or sing, ‘We
want it to be the most modern house,’ Said
Jane, ‘with everything!’ The
washing machine was silent as It
whisked around their clothes, They
ate right out of the dishwasher, Why
stack them, keep it closed, The
carpets muffled their every step They
had a luxurious pile, ‘It’s
just like walking on clouds,’ said John, As
they wandered round for a while. The
lights were hidden in ceilings Casting
a faint, enchanted glow, And
speakers whispered their music Following
round, wherever they’d go, They
had ipods and pads and things And
touch screens all about, ‘It
certainly is the house of dreams So
why would we want to go out?’ John
would follow his wife around The
room with his loving eyes, While
Jane would gaze at the garden Through
the shades, with heaving sighs, ‘There’s
so much love in our little house, I
feel it’s almost a dream,’ Said
Jane, who stayed in her nightie: ‘Why
get dressed, the clothes are clean!’ The
oven there in the kitchen had Six
burners, worked on gas, But
Jane never got to turn it on, ‘We
have to make it last!’ They
sent for take-out, burgers, fries, For
a treat they’d eat Chinese, ‘And
that is the beauty of this house, We
can do whatever we please!’ John
had installed a system that Was
called ‘The House of Love’, It
whispered insidious messages From
the speakers up above, ‘Oh
Jane, you are so beautiful,’ It
would whisper in the shower, Told
John: ‘you’re such a lucky man, To
be let in your lady’s bower.’ A
speaker out in the mailbox said: ‘Hello
there, Mister Man, I
see that you have some letters there, Just
place them in the can. Or
maybe you’d like to take them up And
slide them under the door, They’re
busy now, in making love, We’d
be thankful, Man, I’m sure!’ When
visitors rang the bell, they’d hear The
sound of a drawn out sigh, ‘John
and Jane aren’t in today, But
they’ll phone you, by and by!’ Both
friends and family ceased to call, Got
on with their mundane lives, ‘That
pair have nothing they want to share,’ Said
the husbands, to their wives. A
year went by in a flash, the bliss Was
almost too much to bear, ‘Why
don’t you move,’ said Jane one day, You’re
still in that same old chair!’ ‘You’re
getting fat,’ said John to Jane, As
he looked at her burgeoning thighs, Maybe
we ought to go out one day, Go
out for some exercise!’ They
sat and stared at the oak front door, They
sat and stared for a week, ‘Maybe
you’re right, we should go out, If
only to take a peek.’ John
turned the knob on the door, and pulled But
he found that it wouldn’t budge, ‘The
wood has swelled, Oh, Merry Hell,’ He
swore, ‘we’ll wait for a nudge!’ They
hoped when a visitor came to call They
would push from the other side, But
no-one called, they’d given up, Stayed
home with their dented pride, And
tempers frayed in the house of love As
the voices whispered on: ‘Oh
Jane, you have such beautiful thighs, Now
why did you say that, John?’ The
take-out came through a window Far
too small to be climbed on through, For
Jane had the hips of an elephant, And
John had the belly of two, The
Pizza boy was a slender lad And
he’d nudge and he’d nudge in vain, But
the door stayed fast ‘til the very last Until
the firemen came! The
voice said, ‘Hi there, Mister Man, I
can see you’re coming on through…’ The
firemen called on the local police, ‘See
here! Now what do we do?’ For
Jane lay drowned in a half filled tub While
John had sat down, and choked, ‘You
shouldn’t have said that, John,’ it said, The
knife was still stuck in his throat! David
Lewis Paget © 2012 David Lewis PagetFeatured Review
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