The First and Last Kiss

One thing I frequently see happen is the confusion between friendship and relationship. Even though I shared a kiss with my best friend, Yvalia, it had nothing to do with intercourse or planned sex.

5

The Disturbing Secret

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Yvalia said that when the time came, she would tell me a secret and I would be the only one on earth to know it, I didn’t think about any possible horrible thing such as what she explained to me. I was deeply disturbed by her secret because I couldn’t believe what I heard about her brother Yve.

One night while Yvalia and I were talking about what we would like to see happen between us and our future lovers, I saw a transformation on her face: sweat started covering her body from head to toes, her voice faded a little, and tears started covering her face. Thus, I asked her what was going on because I thought that it was my fault, or probably I said something wrong.

She hadn’t actually told me about what happened to her yet, nor about the circumstances in which she found herself to be, but she looked very, very disturbed. She was confused about certain images of her past, I thought. She also looked afraid to risk talking about what actually happened to her.

“Do you want to talk about it another time instead,” I said.

“No… Of course not. It’s just so hard for me to talk about what my brother did to me,” Yvalia replied.

I heard her heart thud and seem to stop.

She whispered, “That’s hurt and bewildered.”

The mental pain that she felt when she was getting ready to tell what her brother did to her.

It was very difficult for me to watch her in such sadness.

“So, do you want to start telling me now?” I asked.

She replied, “All right, here is my story: I was seven years old, and one day while there was nobody in the house, my brother Yve came to my bedroom�"he was eighteen. Then…then, he…e…e came to lie down next to me; I wasn’t completely awake. And…d…d suddenly I felt his hand inside of my underwear touching me lightly, so I pushed his hand away, and he said that he wasn’t going to hurt me. Then, he said that he wanted to make me feel good and that it was okay. As he’s my older brother, I had no choice but to trust him, so he started touching me again and all my body. He undressed me completely and got on top of me.”

“What…what… Oh no, no, no, he didn’t do that,” I said with emotion to my friend Yvalia. “Did he penetrate you or did you see blood or did he hurt you?” I asked. But I was really, really disturbed, sad, and mad at the same time. I would have liked to kill Yve if I could because of what he did to his youngest sister. Gosh! I hated him so much that I wanted to vomit each time that I met him or saw him.

“Evenson, my friend, I trust you, so please never say that to anybody because I am somehow scared of him, and my mother wouldn’t believe if ever I told her, for my brother Yve is one of her most beloved children, and he pretends that he’s a saint among us. In fact, the rest of my family would trash me out.”

She would have been so glad to have somewhat planned her first time with her real lover, but her brother took away this opportunity from her.

Yvalia continued, “Another day, after my mother left to go to the capital to buy some stuff for the family, Yve came and sat next to me, and he put his hand inside of my underwear, so he started touching my vagina. He said straight away that he wanted to get me naked the same way he did previously: easy, easy, easy, he kept saying. He said that he wasn’t going to hurt me this time, so confused and scared, I let him do anything he wanted, but he just kept going first with his finger.

“Straight after, he got dressed and left me shamefully on the floor. I went out and took a gallon of cold water to wash myself because I couldn’t support the pain that I felt in my private part in my body: It felt like it was burning me inside. And that was it�"I was again lost under my own brother’s body.”

“Okay, Yvalia, I will not tell anyone,” I said cautiously. “Okay.” I didn’t want to see her crying more than she already was.

“You see,” Yvalia said, looking at me with face down, “many years ago I had these images in my mind that were like a cancer. It turned out to be a significant problem for me to manage because I see Yve’s face every day in the house, so mentally, seeing him around the house is affecting me…you know.” Then her voice dropped. “Evenson, you know I am very sad because I want my body to be the best gift for the man who will be my husband in the future.

“When he suspected that I lost my virginity, he felt free to have sex with me over and over again. My brother was much older than me and was very much experienced about sex.

“He talked about it with me sometimes for about three months after he abused me because he wanted to make sure that I would be ready for next time. Then he kept saying, ‘You’re fine, Vavou (a nickname he gave me).’

“When the next time occurred, he came in the bedroom after everyone went to their usual activities. He kissed me, then got naked and got under the covers. I was also being undressed by him and when he was done kissing my ears, he got me in the bed and just lay there for a few minutes without saying anything. I was again totally freaking out. So he turned one of my sisters’ radios on and gave me one of my favorite candies to relax me. He started kissing me, and then he started to rub my vagina with his tongue the same way he did previously.

“This continued for a few minutes until he climbed on top of me. He kissed my neck, my ears, and my very little breasts and pushed in. It really hurt. He didn’t care about hurting me as his youngest sister. I screamed a bit, but he covered my mouth with his right hand. He asked if I was okay, and I told him I wasn’t. Anyway, he started thrusting in and out of me. The pain got slightly better but never completely went away, and I felt my vagina was in a state of anesthesia�"I felt a very hard part of his body was digging under my belly.

“I was extremely glad when it was over because it hurt so much. It hurt down there for many days before it was somewhat back to normal. I fought hard sometimes to walk straight.”

“I know how sad you feel,” I said, “because you are a wonderful person. Don’t worry; life will not let you down.”

Eyes still averted, Yvalia again described her sexual abuse and the vicious pain she’d endured from her former brother. I felt terrible for my friend Yvalia. But I also felt secretly pleased that she felt safe enough to tell me such personal information. Frankly, I was deeply touched by the sadness of the situation.

The following day, Yvalia sent me a little note to thank me for my moral support at the moment that she divulged her shocking experience with her brother. Yvalia seemed happy whenever I came to her.

“Evenson…on…on, he did that many times with me, and one day my vagina hurt me so much, and…and…and he didn’t stop, though, I asked him.”

“Oh no, Yvalia, I am sorry to hear that; you should tell your mother or your other older brother, Ronald, about that abuse.”

“Evenson, my friend, I was scared and confused.”

“When was the last time he abused you?” I asked.

“A few months after my third menstruation, when I was twelve years old,” she answered.

“What?” I emotionally shouted. “He could get you pregnant.”

“Yes, that could have happened, but I was probably lucky,” she said.

“What would he do?” I asked.

“He would ask me to drink something so that I could have an abortion,” Yvalia said.

From the tradition of her family, abortion, I think, would be the last thing that she would want to do for many reasons. First, her family was strongly pro-life and very much proud of it. Yvalia was also very much opposed to abortion because she believed from her religious point of view that abortion is like killing an individual that was at a phase of development, and is justifiable if the lives of both the mother and the fetus are in imminent danger. But probably when she was twelve years old, she had a different approach.

Since the first day that I started talking to Yvalia under the almond tree, I suspected that something wasn’t right with Yve because he had a guilty face when he was looking at Yvalia, and more than once, he disturbed my conversation with her without a real motif. He was snaky; there was a great deal of culpability in him. People are unpredictable, but I could predict that Yve was weird; he appeared to conform to a fake sense of innocence. Often he used to talk about the Bible, or he said that he was such and such a type of good Christian. But my father used to say that people are rarely who they pretend to be, so they pretend to conform up to a point, and then their actions diverge from their words widely.

Obviously Yve knew what he did was insane and put Yvalia’s future in jeopardy. My intuition told me that Yve had a constant anxiety and fear that Yvalia would explain everything to me. Sometimes when he tried to talk to me, he wasn’t able to be realistic about his ideas, his opinions were often confused, and he didn’t have reasonable and carefully thought-out moral ideas about his personal life. I could sense that he hated seeing me with Yvalia under the almond tree, but whenever he got close to speaking with me, he pretended to be all right; however, his fake smiles were vividly noticeable, and his body language and/or emotional reactions seemed sometimes uncontrollable.

Whenever he was passing near Yvalia and me, I could psychologically observe him as a “closephobia” (a concept that I created meaning uncomfortable body response to a nearby person; guilty behavior when the culpable person gets near the victim). Yes, Yve was closephobic. And I could describe all the classic phobic symptoms: nervous chills, nervousness, zigzag words, palpitation, guilty look, hyperventilation, a general sense of dread, and making faces inappropriate to the real expression.

I didn’t have to be a psychologist to discover that Yve severely suffered from closephobia whenever he got close to Yvalia and me. His overwhelming panic was the best way to describe his guilty face. Each time I saw him, I fought the images of that terror experienced by my friend Yvalia at the moments he was on top of her, as if I were there watching that awful crime that he committed against her. He came on my mind so I could pursue him someplace where there would be nobody, so that I could beat him until he passed out. And I felt as if Yvalia were being haunted continuously by him.

Yvalia was suffering from intense anxiety, but she had managed to deal with it for a long time by herself. She was in constant conflict with her feelings. The symptoms of fear were a bit remarkable whenever Yve was there. Sometimes just a glance from Yve seemingly was powerful enough to disconnect her from the conversation that she was vaguely aware of taking place. But when her anxiety hung around long enough, she became acutely aware of the discomfort. Sometimes her anxiety translated to physical symptoms such as shaking both hands and feet at the same time and scratching her left shoulder with her nails for a very long time.

She had learned almost right away from me that her future with a highly mature man wasn’t going to be based on her not being a virgin; it was indeed going to be about her wonderful personality. I told her that there weren’t too many wonderful people like her in the world. So, she was very happy when she heard me say that about her personality. It was, however, an ideal thought that came up in my mind at the right time to lift her spirit.

Yvalia liked to imagine that things had turned out differently for her compared to other girls who took pride in announcing publicly that they were virgins. As a young victim of sexual abuse from her own brother, she’d always assumed she wouldn’t have the kind of life she wanted or dreamt about: a respected wife, children, and home where all her brothers and sisters would be able to visit every holiday. That was the kind of life she wanted or hoped to have.

For a while, though, she had believed that she wasn’t going to have that life, but I tried hard and helped her to think differently.

So, this secret was like a poisonous knife in Yvalia’s heart or memory. But I could see how she was relieved after she told me that undisclosed fact in her life. I took both of her hands and pulled her body so that she could lay her face on my chest for a few minutes. I felt that was my sister being raped by a predator who should be exterminated from the surface of the globe.

My friend Yvalia confided a disturbing secret that was very personal. I didn’t repeat or talk about it to anyone. She met me in this life at the moment she was resisting the confusion about what happened to her when she was only a seven-year-old girl. Yvalia, whom I had known for not too long, was deeply suffering from what I call acute mental anxiety. Since most people in her house had no clue about the actions perpetrated by Yve, the malicious predator, she couldn’t find the best way to explain to them the awful sexual abuse that she was a victim of. I was glad to be there for her; I was being pushed by the good spirits to become a sort of sincere adviser for her. I expected Yvalia to one day confront Yve in a hostile manner. How wrong he was! As a brother who should protect his young sister�"he was a silent sexual predator instead.

After a few days from the date Yvalia told me the disturbing secret, I felt very uncomfortable seeing Yve around, too. “I know why Yvalia was confused about telling her family about this inside predator,” I said in my mind. Yve had been pretending to be the most moral person in the family, and apparently he was the one who always should have the last decision about almost everything for the family because he was the oldest. He could himself raise and come up with solutions for any issue. Probably no one in the family would believe what he did to Yvalia.

She really worried about the loss of her virginity after being abused many times by Yve. Losing her virginity at that age for her was something she dearly regretted. She regretted it mainly because she had always believed in the idea of no sex before marriage, but yet, there she was, a victim of her own brother.

She mused that she lost her virginity with a man eleven years older than her; the worst part was the fact that the man, or the abuser, was her own brother. She had been curious about what was going to happen when she might in the future have to have sex with the man that she would wed. She was afraid and decided that she wouldn’t have sex, not even out of curiosity, before marriage. She strongly believed that the love of her life, with whom she would have to plan her future, would probably be hurt by the deception of her not being a virgin. She didn’t want her future lover to think that she was sleeping around, and she was so heartbroken over that thought, for her brother took her virginity when she was only seven.

Yes, a few days after knowing the disturbing secret, Yve’s images haunted my mind for a while. In my imagination, I saw Yvalia and Yve drive off into a bush somewhere and between mountains where there was nobody so that he could rape her again and again. In my vision, I saw that he had told her previously on a piece of paper that he had wanted to take her virginity. When they were alone in the bush, he forcefully started to kiss her and got naked, and she began to fight him. But it was too late to stop him. He told her that he would kill her if she didn’t want him to go all the way, but her plea, and fight, fell on deaf ears, or rather on an erect rapist penis. He, with rage like a vampire, climbed on top of her and shoved his penis into her vagina, thrusting painfully, without remembering that as a little sister, she should be fully under her oldest brother’s protection. At that very moment she was bleeding, tired, bitter, and sad because he animally took her virginity, which was never going to come back to her, and he didn’t regret his actions from the very moment that he had sex with his youngest sister.

Yvalia worried about her future because she didn’t know how she might explain that experience to the man who would be her husband. Then, she thought that the best she could give to the man she might choose to pass the rest of her life with should be her virginity. Although she was very much concerned about her future, I helped her to understand that her qualities were more important than a membrane in her body.

“So don’t give up your courage. Be confident. This is not the end of the life; you can still accomplish great things in your life. Your life will become better than before, safer, and prosperous,” I said.

I had always been concerned that Yvalia was too credulous, too willing to trust her brother, who took advantage of her naivety too many times. That was the reason I tried to provoke a confrontation with Yve so that I could find the best occasion to punch his face and break his nose. Because of what he did to his sister, I would have loved to see him go through all kinds of suffering that could probably insinuate psychologically the strongest feeling of remorse for his action against his innocent sister. Each day, if I could, I would permanently have a picture of naked seven-year-old Yvalia bleeding from her vagina in front of him for the rest of his life as a mental punition. Yes, that would be a bonus to keep him worrying for all the abuse that he perpetuated against his youngest sister, Yvalia.

He deeply confused Yvalia, who was just a big seven-year-old baby. I wasn’t going to seek revenge for her, but I couldn’t tolerate the story and see Yve wherever I could possibly meet him. If you asked me if I would kill him if I could, my answer would be: Nope, because I was never a believer in physical capital punishment. But mental capital punishment would be fine. That’s why I used the illustration in the previous paragraph. The opposite of physical capital punishment should be mental capital punishment so that the criminal would have to think about and constantly see his actions in the deepest remorseful way.

Well, about two days after I heard the disturbing secret, I stopped shaking hands with Yve whenever I visited Yvalia because I looked at him as a satanic person to avoid even having conversation with. He wanted to portray the image of himself as a saint while poisoning the mind of his own sister. When I asked Yvalia how she wanted me to help her deal with her sorrow, she said, “Please, please, please help me to feel that my life is not over.”

I thought her answer was very touching, and I resolved to find the best way or ways to help her. I had tried to be righteous, honest, and caring. I hadn’t knowingly led my friend Yvalia in the wrong direction. However, I had to confess that I had for the first time the strongest feeling of hatred against the actions perpetuated against her by her brother. I did consider him as one of the most dangerous evils.

Dear reader, I said that I had the strongest distaste or aversion against Yve because seeing Yvalia’s tears evoked my feelings of anger and animosity against Yve, the rapist.

Inside of me there was a furious spirit that hated Yve more and more because of what he did. Furthermore, it was hard for me to see my friend Yvalia suffering from that woeful experience in her life. I kept this secret for more than twelve years, and I decided to write it down today because I think it will be a great deal of consolation for a lot of girls and women out there who were sexually abused by inside or outside predators; also, I want a lot of parents to know that they might sleep and wake up to strange stories inside of their own houses�"they should stop making their children afraid of talking to them. Moreover, they should be willing to always listen to their kids and give kids some credit.

 

Yvalia was afraid

 

She was really scared to have no importance.

She was really afraid of her brother’s presence.

She was really worried about the loss of her precious part.

She was really scared to open her heart.

She was really scared of her own sadness.

She was really being traumatized, outraged, and shocked.

She was really sometimes scared of her own distress and stress.

She was really afraid to see her life being locked.

She was really scared to show her passion.

She was really anxious to see her future being damaged by a mental prison.

She was really scared to cry out loud her emotion.

She was really nervous about her brother’s scheming expressions.

Author's Note

This book can be the best gift to give to your best friend, family, and conjoint. So get ready; you need to get a big container full of popcorn, something to drink, and a handkerchief because you might have tears coming down your face, and you will understand how my first kiss with Yvalia was the last.
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Reviews

[Evenson Dufour]

The most wonderful story
Customer Rating
Posted December 11, 2010, 10:48 PM EST: This is the best book of the history of friendship that I have ever read. I liked the story so much! I finished reading it today. I got it from another store, but I preferred to write the review on Barnes and Noble because I bought Evenson's book before on this great store. It took me one day to read it, and I just love the way that Evenson Dufour wrote the book! It's extremely excellent, and my favorite part is when Evenson and Yvalia share the kiss. Wow! This story is very touching. ~Kersley
kiss01
Great and strongly recommanded to everyone
Customer Rating
Posted December 12, 2010, 11:37 AM EST: "The First and Last Kiss" contains the full easiest text and chapters that make it the best print true story book in the market. I strongly recommended Barnes and Noble to have a high quantity of this book on their shelves because they will make millions with this book. This author definitely has one of the best writing styles. It is as if he sits with you having a profound conversation with you individually as his reader. This story is stocked in my mind and will remain there for the rest of my life. I am convinced the NY Times will pick up this book.
Poupouch-Book-lover
Definitely recommended to every woman
Customer Rating
Posted December 12, 2010, 12:02 PM EST: Before you ask me, no, I'm not talking about the wonderful chapters from this book because you need to enjoy this natural story on your own, but this book "The First and Last Kiss" is superb. I'm talking about the original and the classic The author of The First and Kiss is brilliant.
Haristin-book-hunter
Brightly Recommended to the world
Customer Rating
Posted December 12, 2010, 12:13 PM EST: The First and Las Kiss is one of the best making-of books I've ever read (and I've read a lot of making-of books, but this one is fantastic). The author explores the story's roots in his younger age. The evolution of the story from chapter after chapter is breathtaking. I love it, I love it I love it.
LovelyBK
Highly Recommended
Customer Rating
Posted December 12, 2010, 11:18 AM EST: What really knocks me out is a the sincerity that displays in this wonderful book, when I am done reading it, I wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of me and I could call him up on the phone whenever I felt like it. Evenson, you did a impeccable job year because the chapter five made tears coming down my face. I hope there will be a movie about this vivid story. Man, you are exceptional.
Amazing Book
Customer Rating
Posted December 12, 2010, 11:48 AM EST: This is a valuable resource for anyone interested in reading advice about friendship and good but particularly useful for students, people between 17 to 50 years old, and, of course, for anyone who wants to know the best things about true love. It is recommended for undergraduate and graduate institutions with majors in literature and English.

Castelliano
Highly recommended this to everyone
Customer Rating
Posted December 13, 2010, 6:57 PM EST: It's a nice book, but I feel people are missing the opportunity to read some wonderful book like "The First and Last Kiss" because they let themselves take in the trap of other big companies that making choices for them by selecting some books as bestsellers because some authors are already Hollywood celebrities. But I want to tell parents who would like their kids to read a good book to get "The First and Last Kiss" for them. The advice in this are awesome. I am committed to keeping book readers perfectly formed. Thank you Evenson Dufour for writing this wonderful book. It very is touching.
Sacha-splendid
Fantastic book, highly recommended
Customer Rating
Posted December 13, 2010, 7:08 PM EST: I would really like this book to be in hand every woman living in America. it's a great and sweet story . "The First and Last Kiss" is definitely a Great book. It's the best thing from my part to do a recommendation to all my friends to get this book. This book is so splendid.
Greatly recommended
Customer Rating
Posted December 16, 2010, 8:59 AM EST: The best about this book is that the author doesn't explain a fascinating story, but he graciously gives good advice to everyone of us who wants to understand the nuance between friendship and sexual relationship. Man, Evenson Dufour has a bright future. We like the fact that you communicate directly to us in the middle and in the end of your chapters. My impression was like that I was in a real conversation with you in your book.
Fascinating, I would recommend this book to anyone
Customer Rating
Posted December 17, 2010, 3:07 PM EST: Like many readers, I had a strong, pre-conceived idea of Evenson Dufour before I picked up this book. To my surprise, I found myself wrong on many, many counts--and right on others. He comes with dialog style of writing that is unique to him only. I think that Evenson is correct when she says that this story as the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. He is very funny about the joke of cat and mouse. Yes, I laugh until tears coming down my face. In short, this story is fascinating. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in the reading of true, palpating story. There are many insights into friendship," and all in all, I found this book immensely interesting.
Fervently Recommended
Customer Rating
Posted December 16, 2010, 11:41 PM EST: When you first come into physical contact with this book, looking at its 252-page into your hands and looking at the author on the cover - the simplicity and the straight look from Evenson's eyes alone should tell you that this is not an ordinary story book. Right at the beginning of a few pages into this book and you'll immediately be hooked. The author write in a way as if he's right there having a conversation with you. Your fingers will flip through page after page and before you know it you'll already have consumed several dozen pages of what will surely go down to the best part of the story when the first and kiss happened. "The first and Last Kiss" at its core is a simple, timeless story explaining true friendship-love, anxiety, pursuit of good values and virtue. This truly is a title not to be missed by anyone with an appreciation for the written word, not to mention the original writing style of the author. The picture of the author on the simple cover design and paper quality also makes this book unique.
Gregy
Highly Recommended to everyone who loves reading fascinating true story
Customer Rating
Posted December 16, 2010, 11:18 PM EST: Books about friendship aren't hard to find, but I've never encountered one like this. This 252-page true story in humorous form is heart-breakingly true. Evenson Dufour's book is the best that a story can be - the details and authenticity bring the world of true, sincere friendship alive, while the universal ideas about growing up, yearning and developing true friendship love will take the reader on a nostalgic journey back to Evenson's best friendship during his teenage years, transformative, love, and respect. I've chosen to write this review after reading this book electronically from another site to let people know that this book is must to read.
Bernyp
I recommend this book highly. It could very well be a friendship saver!
Customer Rating
Posted December 18, 2010, 10:23 AM EST: How's your friendship with others? It may be a matter of sexual desire that stop you to enjoy "frank friendship-love". Author Evenson Dufour in his book "The First and Last Kiss" prove that everyone can have moral commitment to friends and believes everyone has a love for a special friend and an empty tank to be filled, and that tank is filled by different friendship-love languages. These languages are Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, Appreciation, Tolerance, and Capacity to understand separate good and bad. Often, we tend to misunderstand friend-love because the languages are most often like that of a relationship instead of a friendship, which usually ends up being the languages that fill up our friendship-love tank. I recommend this book highly. It could very well be a friendship saver!

Quettlove
Wow! Highly recommended
Customer Rating
Posted December 18, 2010, 9:59 AM EST: Evenson, I am surprised to learn that English is not your first language, and you're capable to right more than 200 pages in a language that you just has been started to learn at academic level since 2008. Wow, you are a genius. Man, you are somebody. When I read nonfiction, I want something that raises the level of discourse, stretches my thinking, presents new ideas, challenges my old ones, and expands my horizons. I have found these in this book. Reading it was fun and affirming.